A Convent..yes, I need to start a convent!

Know in advance.. Skip over this post if you're not a Crone yet, because you WON'T get it.  This is a long tirade of a post don't begin unless you have the time!

Conversation with a Friend:

I'll tell you now, don't read this if you absolutely love men and find no fault in them. Then again, maybe you should read this.
If you find no fault in men, it just means you're still young enough to be 'love stupid'. This post will give you a heads up, a fair warning, a foot in the door if you will.
Then when you continue to make 'love stupid' mistakes, all the Crones out there will be able to say things like ..."You were warned!" and "Told you so!"

(and laugh maniacally behind your back)

The other day, I was in a rare form and mood. (Read: Men hatin')
I ended up having a conversation via the net with a friend. Herein lies some of that conversation. Not all mind you, but most.

Where applicable, the names have been changed to protect the innocent budding Crones.

And so the conversation began: (Emphasis added and all text written inside parenthesis added)

Me: If I start working 48 hours a week, I can tell you this..Dementor will be doing his own cleaning (laundry included) and cooking.. ..if we are both working..I cannot nor will I be responsible for his stuff..or the cleaning of the house..we both will or we'll hire a maid. Period


(We'll be able to afford one!)

Budding Crone: so are you getting divorced or just living day to day?

Me: no..but I'll get as close as possible. Day to day.. Not much I can do..(the new job will not support the monthly expenses) ..Just say less to the dementor..we'll be passing each other in the hall, see very little of each other..he'll become a happier camper once he's not the only 'bread winner'..and we'll just have to deal with each other.. It's just like I told my sister..he doesn't WANT to leave..and getting him out is going to be the big thing..

I've already asked him to leave 3x's in the last year..he refused. The last time I told him to leave his reply was "No, it'll cost me more if I do leave!"  He's very money oriented, he wants all the toys and joys but he doesnt want to have to owe on them..he wants fun money even though he doesnt go and have 'fun

 For instance, he says he's a fisherman..he LOVES to fish, so he bought a boat and now he makes every excuse in the book for reasons he can't go fishing..the biggest one.."I can't afford it" the boat costs gas..I have to work over time to pay just the bills..and the list goes on and on.  That's why he watches all the sports shows including golfing and fishing..cuz he's an armchair athlete! He was making more money when he bought the boat..but he was working too much to use it! He was too tired then!

(that's the excuse he used then!)

Budding Crone:  jesus what an asshole

Me: He's made me very suspicious lately..he's been 'helpful' about the house..and has been pleasant again..even participated in christmas..which was scary.

Budding Crone: is he cheating on you?

Me: noooooooooooooooooo that I am sure of. He has no time. I can account for every bit of money
(I know this because I check the bank account without his knowledge to see where the money goes!)
..and his time  I wish he was cuz I'd tell him to move in with HER! But I'd call her..and warn her..I swear I would..  My mama always told me to share my toys and quite frankly..I'm done with this toy it's broken..so SHE can have it! I believe in charity!
and I'd be happy to tell her where it's broken.

Budding Crone: LOL ..so how's the whole menopause thing going?

Me: gawddamnit..aunt flo showed up yesterday..but it's light in flo and very dark..so not sure how long it's gonna last, other then that..getting the night sweats still and SURELY not wanting sex..ohh no no especially with dementor.

Budding Crone:  I have the drive just not a willing partner

Me: oh hell girl..no drive here..not with ANY partner..no no no don't want it.."DON'T TOUCH ME!" don't even look at me funny. I cringe when he 'kisses me hello and goodnight.
(which he still does..it's a mere peck, but damnit..I don't want that either!)
I so don't want him to get in 'my space' and DONT TOUCH ME!

Budding Crone: I don't think I will ever get that way. My girlfriend tells me I have the sex drive of a man and that I'm not natural.

Me: You're not there yet but..you'll get there.  I can COMPLETELY understand why older women turn gay..oh yes yes yes I can. how old are you now?

Budding Crone: just turned 42

Me: ohh my my my, you'll see...and it may take longer for you..but you WILL loose it. Men will disgust you ..in all ways, even when they fucking breath! You'll just want to choke the living shit out of them...oh yes

Budding Crone: damn you sound like a bitter woman...LOL

Me: no..not bitter. just menopausal..and 'enlightened' to the fact that all men truly are pigs..and deserve nothing less the castration and servitude.  I so wish we could go back to the days of Amazon women who used men as slaves and for sexual pleasure only..other then that..they were dirt under our feet. That's the way it needs to be again today!
Oh yes I say we just freeze up the 'good sperm' (of which there aren't many) and toss all men into a pit. A deep pit..and listen to them scream like girls!
I tell you amazons knew what the world was supposed to be like..oh yes.
Not ONE man I know..NOT ONE..(and I've known and had my share of them honey) can keep a clean toilet. Good gawd and NOT ONE..thinks it's their responsibility to clean it.
OH WAIT..I LIED! I DID know one. ONE in all the men I've known and he was as gay as the day is long. Gay men have more female genes then they are supposed to have..so you can't REALLY put them in the polluted gene pool with all the other pigmen therefore..my statement was correct. NOT ONE MAN I know...can keep a clean toilet nor feels it necessary to clean up after their own shit.
PERFECT example: I brought home dinner for the dementor tonight..a steak and cheese sub. I bought it with MY Christmas money...

Budding Crone: did he even say thank you

Me:  Oh hell no...I KNOW you have got to be kidding! Anyway.. his PAPER plate, mind you paper only requires that you get off your dead ass and toss it in the trash..no washing involved,  but his paper plate is......where? Right by his shitty assed recliner..where he was listening to talking heads before he went to bed.  (TALKING HEADS means..all those political news bastards that want to debate over what this one said or that one said and not one damned bit of it makes one difference..they talk so they can hear the glory of their own voices)
I tell you..ALL MEN are pigs.
Egotistical, self rightious bastards who think they are the superior of the species and 'know' what's best for the human race. Tsk tsk ..how can they know shit....they are barely out of the trees themselves and I bet you dollars to doughnuts not one of them can even wipe their ass properly after a healthy shit because they are too busy reading while sitting on the john!
What's up with that? Really? I mean..I go in..I do my thing..and I"m OUTTA there! I don't sit and lollygag about on the toilet..I can honestly say that is not my choice of rooms to lounge in!

The only man I love is my grandson (and my son of course, but still..he's a man with some of the same qualities) and it's a shame he'll end up just like all the other men eventually (my daughter and I mentioned that today!)
Another thing..romance..where the hell did men learn the shit they are trying to pull off as romance..cuz they are clueless. Romance ......they dont even know or understand the meaning of the word. Foreplay sure as shit doesnt start in the bedroom..it starts in the morning with a good morning kiss, a touch and a hug then continues all throughout the day with the softest of touches the kindest of gestures and the adoration of each other. Then it ends in the bedroom that night.  It certainly doesn't start with sneaking up behind your wife while she's doing dishes (after she has cooked and cleaned for hours) and rutting away at her ass saying "you gonna give it up tonight?"
OHHHHHMYGGAWD! Jeesusus..men are SO STUPID!
(I just want to turn and slap the eyeballs right outta his head! ..by the by..this has not happened in a LONG time..thank goddess!)
Women are natural nurturers and born 'fixers'..and we always try to fix the broken ones..and honey..as one comedian says "YOU CANT FIX STUPID!" Men..suck. And prince charming is a total figment of our imagination because that's what we WISH men were..but that aint NEEEEVER gonna happen.

Budding Crone:  yeah we were sold a bag of shit on that one

Me: two bags..cuz we fell for it and believed he existed..and then when we found a man and we KNEW he wasn't quite right we said "I can fix this"  
(we have our own brand of stupid too!)
Men..marry hoping their woman will never change...women marry so they can try to change the man..it's fucked up.  I tell you..I should have gone into a nunnary after my last break up! Only problem with that is............Jesus is a man and so is God. soo I'd still have 'male issues' in a convent!  Besides all that..there aren't any pagan convents!
Maybe I should start one!
A female version of  L. Ron Hubbard ...maybe I should! "Give up all your wordly goods and follow me..I'll make you fishers of women!" I bet I could preach.

A Modern Avalon...pagan convent for women only..wait..MENOPAUSAL women only..cuz you really don't get this way until you get menopausal..then you realize just how stupid YOU have been about men..and how truly worthless they are.
End of conversation:

My notes on the subject:
Menopausal women are enlightened women. We see the truth behind a man..and sad to say..there is none.
Most men think women are inferior ..and they hold no value beyond what they can 'give' or do for the man. 
England (one of the oldest surviving countries) is run by a women, and has been for a long time. If you tell this to Dementor he'll say "she's only a 'show piece'..there to appease the people. She has no power, nor anything to do with running the government."
Hmm..I wonder..has he never seen the movie "Elizabeth"?
Dementor most definitely falls into the category of thinking males are superior, especially him.
All of society believes this, it really hasn't changed.
Men do think with their dicks. Magazines flaunt women in the sexiest of outfits, the skimpiest of clothes and the most provocative of poses to get men to buy said magazine or product. WHY? Because Sex sells.
(GOOD GAWD..A man's day begins with a hard on!)
Sex sells because a man KNOWS it will net him something.. And greed is rampant.
Sex and Greed.
Sad to say, women have fallen into this trap as well. Their greed allows them to be part of the product. They flash their bodies and sell their souls for the almighty dollar. Who are they selling it to? Men..and men buy it. It's all about men.
We have given them far too much power. Far too much.

Crone of  The Saged Convent,

Sage

The Destitution of a 48 Hour Work week

Decisions decisions. I sometimes hate making decisions.

Let me update you.
Some information first for those who may not know it. The area in which I live is a very 'meager' area as the average goes.
(I believe with the trouble the US is in right now, we have more 'poor/meager' areas then ever before) 
The job market here is little to none, and none of the jobs pay well. Most jobs available here are part time and minimum wage only. If it isn't, you're working 50 to 60 hours a week for a low wage that is still not enough to support a household.
Which is the reason many people in this area are two income families, or, one person works two jobs.
(unless a significant other has a good paying job out of town)

Herein has been my problem. Jobs here don't pay well enough to support ME..living alone, spending only what is absolutely necessary.
(jobs at a greater distance might pay more, but my car is NOT gas efficient) 

Now when I tell you 'only what is absolutely necessary'..I mean it. (with the exception of one thing)

In my 'must have/pay' list are these items

Mortgage
Electric
Phone/Net (the net is my 'exception'), and I don't mean CELL phone, I mean HOUSE phone.
Insurances (car and house)
Groceries
Gas (for car)
Personal Property Taxes (yearly..car and home)

Notice this list does not include Cable, 'fun money', car payment or health insurance.

Got all this??
Ok, I have the opportunity to MAYBE get a job. The job requires a 48 hour week. (that's a lot)  The sad part?? Even though it pays better then most jobs here, it's only a modicum over minimum wage and it will not pay enough to support the house.

I crunched numbers all day yesterday. For hours and hours. Lowering this and lowering that, trying to figure out any way possible to reduce the pay out amount. I got to the point, where I was only allowing myself 25$ a week for gas in the vehicle  
(that won't even get me to work for a week, but I may be able to carpool 1/2 the time)
and $60 a month on groceries.  
(not necessarily an impossibility with couponing, but damn near it).
Those were the 'flexible' expenditures that I took as low as I could possibly go. (I always kept my electric at the same rate because it very rarely dips below 150$ and always goes well above 200$ in the summer.
(remember..I live in southern hell!)

You know what's sad. It didn't matter how much I crunched, how much I played and moved money from one place to the other, I was always short. (based on what my pay would most likely be)

How sad is that..that I can go to work and bust ass for 48 hours a week and still not be able to support myself? How sad is that? WTH?

I'll be heading down to fill out app and talk to HR manager next Monday (Jan 2)..I'm going to ask for a start date of Jan 9th (the same day Dementors new 'night' shift schedule starts). Keep your fingers crossed for this old Crone..
If the job is offered to me, I do plan on taking it. I'm going to take small measures in life right now.. and deal with things one day at a time.  First the job, then figure out the freedom.


The Crone of One day at a time decisions

Sage

The Yo-Yo of Mother Nature

Sistahs!! I'm here to tell you, Mother Nature is a bitch. Oh yes she is.

I had a headache yesterday that was edging on a migraine. All day.
Did you read that?...ALL DAY!
I could not for the life of me get rid of it. I ate meds like candy! NUTTIN! It hurt to move my eyes in my head!
It eased to about 1/2 by the time I laid down on the couch to sleep..which was 9pm.

(good gawd, I'm getting old..who the hell over the age of 13 goes to bed at 9pm?)
Of course, I've never been much of a sleeper. 5 hours and I'm good to go (sometimes less..like 3!)

I woke this morning at 4..(and several times before that I might add) Got up, made coffee, emptied the dishwasher (quietly..so as not to wake the snoring monster aka; dementor) and then went to the bathroom.

Well well well, there she was, bold as brass! AUNT FLO!!!! WTH??
Now, I know why the headache.
Now, I have cramps AND a headache.
Why in the hell has my body betrayed me in such a vile manner!??
(8 months no flo...then flo visits for a solid month with a week break in between..wth?)

I repeat, Mother Nature is a bitch.

     Dear Mother Nature: 

     This yo-yo thing is for the damned birds. Either I'm done..or I'm not, but  LORDY, don't make  me suffer 'both maladies' while you make up your mind! 

                                                                                                                    Sage


(However, I already feel better today then I did yesterday! This is a good thing)

Needless to say, what with the major headache yesterday I did not get everything accomplished I wanted to. I did collect many of the Christmas decorations and at least put them in one place..near the storage bins they go in. Maybe today I'll get it packed away. My goal is to have the tree down by Saturday. I really don't want to bring the new year in with anything left over from the old.

(Hmmmm....makes me wonder what to do with Dementor!)

I've never been one to keep a decoration up for long, nor put them up so early that I'm sick of them by the time I take them down.  I don't put my tree up at Thanksgiving, and not on Dec 1 either. Tradition for me has always been up on Dec. 15 and down the day of New Years eve. That's a two week stint..that's enough for me. And no..I'm not a Scrooge by any means. I do the same with Ostara (Easter) and Samhain (Halloween) decorations.

Anyway, there is much in the works for my New Year. Many possibilities, many options to take and many decisions to be made. A lot to think about.
I tried pulling out the cards the other day, I really wanted to read for the upcoming year. Once I pulled them, I had the feeling it was not the right time. They didn't give me the vibe that I know they can when the time is right. So I'm going to opt to write down this pull, but, I'm going to reshuffle and repeat on New Years Eve like I normally do. I think I was trying to push it too soon.

What are your plans for the upcoming year? Changes? Something new? Something old?

In whatever you do, I wish you luck.
May your New Year be a joy to live and a revelation in hope. :)

 The Crone of Yo-Yo's

Sage

Dementored Martyrdom

First ...I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday..we've got one more to go, then ..it's back to the grindstone if you will.

I was surprised at our Christmas celebration. Dementor participated and seemed very happy about it. This almost makes me wonder.

(Who am I fooling..it makes me suspicious!)

Dementor hates Christmas. Ohh and sad to say, he hung out here instead of heading to Florida as I had hoped. But back to what I was saying. Dementor hates Christmas. But this year, he participated! WTH?

It does make me suspicious. Suspicious enough that I snooped again today. See..yesterday Dementor spent about 4 hours on the computer. He doesn't usually do that

(although he complains to others that's all *I* do..ppfft!)

So, being the witchy snoop that I am, I looked at where he went, what he perused and just who he was sending email and such to.
(oh..and by the by, I'm pretty sure he has a second email that he uses for more 'private' correspondence) Meh. 
It seems Dementor was checking out lots of 'campers' yesterday. The kind you tow and the kind you drive. He also checked out a few 'rent' places to place said camper. Could this possibly mean what I think it means? Will my new year be a happy year?? Could it be so??

I do worry though.
I only worry because I currently don't have a job and finding one around here that will pay me enough to keep my house is a HUGE HUGE problem.
(Sigh)
I've done it before, and can do it again, but ..I was younger then. Being a crone keeps one from getting the foot in the door most times. Sad to say, it's true.
Either way, the New Year is bringing along with it many new changes for me. And (as 1 of 5 always says) "I'm ok with that."
As long as I can find work enough to support me, I'm surely ok with that. I hope he does find a lovely trailer to buy and moves his silly self right into it!

I may be cutting off my nose to spite my face as the saying goes, but I'll deal with whatever life throws at me at this point.
The past two or three days I have been filled with suspicion. He has been uuber pleasant ..and even 'helping about the house'..(in areas I wish he wouldn't).
Sad thing is ..he's not doing it to 'help me out'. He's doing it so he can become the martyr and complain to others that *I* don't do it..and he has to. This is the way he works. Other then that..he never helps out in the house..NEVER. He's even taken to doing a few loads of laundry as of late. I tell you, it all makes me very very suspicious.
So I'll end this year on a suspicious note, a determined note and with a hint of freedom in the air. I'll start the new year with a determination in general, as I must.

The Crone of Suspicion

Sage

PS. I was going to wait till the New Year to read my cards, but I think I may do it today. I'm itching for it.

$0.20 Cents a day with a Dementor

I may have a reason to have a lovely Holiday.  Now..I don't know this for sure...by any means. BUT..Dementor may head south for the Yule Celebration. Mind you this is purely conjecture...but by a little snooping, and the events of yesterday..it's plausible.
Here's the deal. Dementor is not very computer savvy..not at all. He uses IE and I use Mozilla. When he logs into some place, he doesn't log out. So I am able to check his various accounts and of course, all his history of where he's been. I don't check it often, I have no need to, cuz I really don't care.

(if he'd find someone else and leave..I'd be happy as a pig in shit)

Either way...after yesterdays events, (big blow up between us) and knowing he was alone here all day yesterday (cause I left after the blow up.) This morning...I checked several of his accounts (facebook, yahoo, etc). What I saw may have given me a clue as to what I MAY expect by this weekend.
(and I'm hoping!)

Some quick history; his kids..(he has two)  very very rarely see him.
(Or call) His daughter is always saying 'she has to work' and can't take the time off. Same with his son.

Well, lo and behold when I looked this morning, his facebook showed a post from his daughter that mentioned that she was surprised she had the holidays off and could spend it with family. (and her birthday is on the 23rd too boot)

Hmmmm says I? I wonder which family she's speaking of?
Maybe..could it be possible that Dementor is going to go down and visit??

(cuz I know she won't travel up here)
Could it be so...?? PUHLEASE!!
(maybe he'll stay)

(Matter of fact, day before yesterday he mentioned in an 'off handed way'.."so we have no plans for Christmas right? We aren't going anywhere? No one is coming over?" I replied.."Nope. We are doing Christmas the day before" )


So, all of this seems mighty suspicious doesn't it? And why would he try to 'hide' or sneak something like this...I SOOOO could care less and would LOVE it if he would leave for the Holidays!!! Egads, you have NO clue how happy that would make me!!
I'm trying not to get my hopes built up..but I've got every available finger and toe crossed let me tell you!!

(matter of fact, I'm thinking of mentioning it to him "why don't you go visit your kiddos'..isn't your daughters birthday coming up? It would be nice I think)
I just don't know if I want to talk to him.
See...we haven't spoken since the blow up yesterday.
It was a stupid reason for him to get all bent out of shape, but I knew the 'good times' were nearly over.
(as I have mentioned in previous posts) 

I actually saw the 'switch' flip in him yesterday when we were at the store ..
(MY mistake there..I asked if he wanted to go shopping with me..heaven forbid I EVER do that again....will I ever learn?)
Anyway....he went from a stint of decent behavior, to full blown Dementor in the blink of an eye.
(why? Cuz we were spending money grocery shopping!)

Which reminds me:
I need to make another post of "Weekly Conversations with an Idiot" cuz on the way home from the grocery store, he made the statement of "we need to go back to just six things to eat..there is no reason we should not be able to eat on .20 cents a day".............(GASP..what?  You're kidding me right?)
I asked him "which century was HE living in?" At that point he shut up..not saying another word.
(I guess that question pissed him off...LOL) 
I waited about 10 minutes and then asked "So what 6 things would you choose to eat all the time?" He ignored me, shaking his head, smirking up his lips as if the question *I* had just asked was absurd. He said no more. He ignored me at at this point.

See...he can come up with the craziest of things, but if put to the test to defend them..he scoots to a corner with haste.

Anyway..now I have to decide whether to play the fool and talk to him..pretending like nothing is wrong, so that I can 'suggest' heavily that he go visit his kids for the Holidays  OR...I keep up with the silence, because honestly, I'm doing my best to pretend he doesn't exist! LOL

All that said and done, I must go work some magic. Oh yes....there is more then one way to skin a cat
(or to get one out of your house for a few days!)

Till later!

The Crone of skinning cats

Sage

The Lemons of Life

Here it is, one week before X-mas eve and I'm just getting around to putting up my tree. It's not up yet, but that's the goal for today. Why oh why am I so out of the 'spirit' of things this year?
I cannot say it's been the best of years, nor the easiest. Maybe that's why. Who knows.


I'm sitting here struggling with words to put here. I'm just out of sorts this morning. I have been for a few days.
Lazy has lived with me. Yesterday, I don't think I moved much beyond the couch, nor the day before.


Don't you ever just wonder why and how we get into the moods we get in? Is it really hormones or something we eat? Maybe in the air we breathe. Why is that when I am at my worst as far as energy level and gumption goes is when the Dementor is at his best. Isn't that strange? Or is that by clever design? His.


I could tell this morning he was a bit on the grumpy side. I'll know more when he comes home this evening, but it wasn't looking good this morning.

<shrug> I so don't care. He is at work today,
(overtime for him, he should be ecstatic)
which leaves the whole day open for me to decorate without having to walk around the lump in the recliner. This is a good thing. Mind you, he hasn't been horrible for several weeks it seems. Either something is up....or he's learned that I'm onto him and don't care anymore. Wonder which it is?

Could the X-mas spirit be getting him??

(HA! That's a joke, no way in hell. He associates Yule with money..and well, we all know how he feels about money!)

He starts 'third' shift on the 2nd of January. My life will be re-arranged again.
In a way, I'll be glad.

Now that my crafting/sewing area is at the other end of the house, I can spend my days in there away from the snoring dementor and I'll have the bed to myself each night not having to endure the snoring dementor.

This is a win win situation I think.
(of course, my bed will never be made up. Shrug..I can deal with that)


I'll have visitors next week. My sister and her daughter are coming down for a few days. It's a good thing my house is in decent order. I'd be in panic mode right now if they weren't. Of course, this just gives me another reason to make sure my tree and decorations are up.  This is a good thing. I need the push.

I have something to say..it's not pretty. It's downright nasty. But here it is.

Life is unfair.
Yes, yes it is.
The Dementor had a 'check up' via his job the other day. His blood pressure was good, his weight was over, his cholesterol count was GINORMOUS (in the 300's).
(blink blink)
When I met the dementor, his weight was down, his blood pressure was up and his cholesterol was GINORMOUS. (in the 300's).

When I met the Dementor..my weight was normal (126), my blood pressure on the low end (I averaged 80's/60's) my cholesterol was low (111).
(blink blink..good numbers by the way)
(not only that..I did aerobic exercise 2x's a week and did a light weightlifting work out 1x a week)

Then how come *I'm* the one who had the heart attack..and he's still pluggin along with a cholesterol up that high??? I don't get it. I just don't get it.

The Crone of  Yule Decorations

Sage

This is the song that never ends....

Have you ever heard the song "This is the song that never ends"?

Well..I've got something else that never ends.

If you'll remember on Dec 1 I put a post up about Aunt Flo's visit. Well, ..she has never left! She's been here two weeks!! I'll grant you she has ebbed out to a mere smear for a few days ..then back up to more and more and more..and I find this morning she's back with a vengeance, but she has never left!

I had a friend once who said "all women are evil...anything that can bleed for 7 days and still live is evil". I got that beat..try 15 days now. 15 days! WTH?

Should I mention me and Aunt Flo hate each other. Oh yes, and I'm starting to get ill will toward Mother Nature too! This is ridiculous!
(sigh)
There isn't much one can do of course, so here I am, bitching to my cronies. Pun intended.

On to finer things.
I am done with my Yule shopping. All of it. Done! This does give me an inner feeling of satisfaction..yes, yes it does. Now I just have to decorate and wrap all the gifts. The house is fairly decent..needs some work here and there, but decent enough that in a few days I'll be able to put up the tree and other decorations only to take them down again a week later. So the answer to the question burning in your mind is "no" the spirit of Yule/Christmas has still not passed this way. I'm just not feeling it this year.

I'm not quite as bad as scrooge mind you (or dementor) but I just can't seem to find that warm fuzzy 'hot chocolate' feeling for the season this year. I don't think I'm the only one either.

I'm tempted to go back to bed. Last night was the first night I'd slept in my bed in many weeks it seems.
I caught the dementor on a good night.
See..lately the Dementor has been snoring like he's cutting down Sherwood Forest.. I'm expecting to see the walls of the house suck in and out like the Flintstones house did when Fred snored. He's been that bad. There is no way in hell I could fall asleep with that buzz saw next to me. Oh no.

I've decided, that on the next night he's that bad, I'm going to record him. Oh yes I am. Indeed. I want HIM to hear it! 
Not only does he snore like a snuffulupagus..but he won't stop moving! Every minute or so, he has to move, wiggle or squirm.
I am a totally different kind of sleeper. I won't say that I don't occasionally snore myself..but I get in the bed, get comfortable and there I stay. I very rarely move at night. Matter of fact, I move so little at night that in the morning, making my bed is a breeze.
All I have to do is slip out from under the covers and pull them up. There is no 'muss' in my bed when I get up. I don't toss and turn and twist ..causing chaos in the sheets at night. NOPE..I'm a still sleeper.
Dementor on the other hand, will twist the sheets like he's caught up in the tornado carrying him off to Oz!

( I WISH something would carry him off!)

Do you watch re-runs of old 60's shows, like I love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show or maybe even Leave it to Beaver? In those shows, it was 'taboo' to show the couple in one bed. You do realize this right?
You never saw them sleeping in the same bed
(how they got their children is beyond me..but anyway). 
I've begun to think the dementor and I may need to turn back the clock in our bedroom to the 60's too. Separate beds. Unfortunately it would do no good, I'd still be able to hear him snore. 
We need separate rooms.
Wonder if he would go for it?

Enough bemoaning for the day, I must get to work. I'm still in the process of the 'house revamp' ..near completion of course, but there are still things to do before the big day.
Today however, it feels like my get up and go got up and went without me. I'll have to push myself.

Gawd, where is Samantha from Bewitched when you need her. Just a twitch of the nose..and poof! I could solve a lot of my problems!

The Crone of Un-twisted sheets

Sage

Christmas Spirit..where are you?

Why has the Christmas spirit not hit me yet?  Did I miss 'his/her' visit? what?

Is it because I've had to live and be tormented by scrooge incarnate all year long? what?

Is it because money is tight this year?? Hell...that's nothing new really..it's always tight.

I even started watching Christmas movies yesterday..still, nothing is working.
The very thought of putting up the tree seems like 'work' to me. WHY?

Should I be worried?
Has scrooge rubbed off on me?
(maybe I should take a very very hot shower and scrub it off)

Could it be because my house is chaos right now and it may not be ready by Christmas? What?

Is it because our weather hasn't turned cold enough?

Christmas is only 20 days away. Can I find the spirit of it by then?

Is it because I'm a menopausal crone?

My shopping is 99% complete....but I'm not.
What is going on here?

Two years ago I had x-mas trees and decorations all over the house..yep, including the bathroom!

Last year I was much better then this year, but not as much as the year before.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Or is there anything wrong with me?

Oh Christmas spirit..where are you?

Someone, tell me how to find it.

Where is it hiding?

That feeling of being 'overwhelmed' is trying to creep back in. I can feel it. I don't need it right now..not now.

Just as soon as I get the house 'complete' with it's transformation, I'll have to take it all down and put up the Christmas joy. Is this a job or a nightmare? Are we sure it's not Halloween still?

Maybe I'm just getting old. Ya reckon?

Some days it feels like I have far too much to do, but on the flip side of that coin, I have all the time in the world. I have the same amount of time as everyone else...yet, I cannot seem to accomplish the things I want to accomplish. Which then leads to a depression of sorts, becoming overwhelmed.. because I didn't get it done, which leads to more lackadaisical attitude because I feel like I can't get it done,  which continues the viscous cycle. WTH?

I woke this morning with all the brightness in the universe, dreaming of 'getting it done'..thinking the spirit would visit me today. And here it is 3 hours later and all I've accomplished to do is, check the net, read the news, clean the kitchen and take out dinner. What the hell is wrong with me??

Is anyone else having these problems? Is it in the air? Is it in the water?
(sigh)
OH well, I'm off to continue look for the Christmas spirit. Maybe...just maybe today..it'll show up.


The Crone of Christmas Past

Sage

Baiting a Dementor

You know, this is becoming a more and more regular thing. I should probably title this post "Weekly Conversations with an Idiot"....but alas..I'll be semi nice and continue with 'dementor'. It suits him.

I have to tell you how much of an armchair rebel and politician the dementor is. And how I baited him yesterday.
See, I'm really really getting a better ''view' of the dementor and finding out just what irritates him, just what makes him tick. And just how to 'sting' when I can. I'm starting to take great joy in it.

(that's sick isnt it?)

He is the king of his own world, he is the master and he is superman. To him at least. He has called himself superman 3x's in the last week. What does this tell you? Ego much?

Yesterday, at breakfast the TV was on the news and they were talking of this and that going on in the world. I can't remember the exact topic, it wasn't that important to me at the time.
Dementor was listening though.

D: "I tell you..we are giving up our rights one by one...soon we will have none!"
(it dawned on me he used the word 'we'...it was time to do a little baiting myself)
ME: "I take it since you used the word 'we' you are including yourself."
D: (blink blink, looking quite taken aback) "I voice my opinion..I complain when I need to"
ME: "Oh..to the tv sure..from your armchair..sure.."
D: "No..I talk about it to others..!"
(getting a little riled now I might add..I put him on the spot..made him realize how hypocritical he was, that he was just as much a part of the problem and most assuredly not part of the solution)
ME: "Do you get out there and picket, strike or do anything about it?..no ..if you want something done, you can't do it inside these four walls"
D: "I'm only one person and can't do anything!" (he almost whined!)
ME: "That's the sad part, that's the same attitude everyone else has too."

At this point, he rolled his eyes, shood me off with his hand and said in a rather pissed off tone "NEVER MIND!" This was done with a 'look' as if to say I was the idiot and didn't understand. Trust me, I understood perfectly..he was an armchair rebel. The only thing he was ever going to do about any of it was yell at the TV. I looked at him with complete knowledge of this on my face and  as sly knowing smile.  .....he changed the subject.

I've discovered that he will shoo you off..and change the subject when he thinks he's about ready to be caught between a rock and a hard place. (or he's been found to be the 'bluff' he knows he is) He does this with great relish to make YOU appear the idiot..or the 'dumb' one.
(hahaha..he's finding out, that I'm on to him with it..he's loosing ground)

He'll do the same with an argument. He'll yell back quick and overshadow his apponent with words that mean nothing, changing the subject entirely and usually walk away telling you 'this conversation is over'..ending it on his terms, feeling triumphant in himself..taking away a 'superman' attitude.

The last time we argued..I whispered and walked away. ..it irked him to no end.
(BINGO! I found some poison)

It's amazing really. I've been with the dementor for 5 years (we dated for a year before we got married and we were married in 2007). During that time, I have not made it my 'goal' to 'learn' this man in that way.
I wonder why? I mean seriously, I usually make it a point to 'dig deep' on most people..just so I KNOW when and what to do in times where I need to. With this man..I did not. How odd that is.

Those days are over.
Superman is about to loose his cape.
Now..to figure out what 'baiting fun' I can pull off today!!
here doggy doggy doggy

I'm soo evil aren't I?

The Crone of dog biscuits

Sage

Baby Elephants and Wrigleys Gum

Most people use the phrase 'pain in the butt'..hell I've even been known to use the phrase 'pain in the dick'.


(thanks to my son who said it around me..and it stuck. I thought it hilarious)

However, I think I'll be changing my 'pain in the butt/dick' to ...'pain in the boobs'. I could be more crass and say 'pain in the tits'...either one works.
Why am I changing the classic pain in the butt to pain in the boobs?
Because my BOOBS HURT!

Ohmygawd! my boobs have been so sore, I can hardly lay down to sleep in the position I normally sleep in..I'm having to readjust the damned things so I don't squish them causing severe pain!
It's like wrestling baby elephants on my chest just to lay down and sleep. I have to reach down and pull each one up so it's not getting flattened, because a flattened boob is a painful boob do you hear me??

(I wonder....Do men have to do this?)


I would occasionally get a sore boob pre-period in my younger crone years. Some months they would be sore and some months they wouldn't. But holy shit these baby elephants are killing me. Does this have to do with croning? If so this 'symptom' needs to go on the list! Or is this just payback time for not having Aunt Flo visit for so long? WTH?

(My boobs feel like I've been participating in a marathon run with no bra. The only thing I'm lacking is the black eyes to go with it!)


Not to mention the cramps. In my youth, I got cramps..about every 3rd month or so. Nothing hugely painful, on occasion. BUT..geeezuslord these cramps are everyday, never ending and pill worthy do you hear me! (mega pill worthy!)  I have just about had enough of this.

(Not that I can do anything about it I just like saying that, it makes me feel better!)


Tired? Oh hell, I've been so tired since this started. It's like..as the flow goes so does the energy!

I've got all the symptoms of a crone not having a period and non crone monthly symptoms giving me double trouble. I feel like a Wrigleys piece of gum! Double everything!

(mother nature is a bitch sometimes!) 


Let's talk about some of the more 'nasty' things in crone life. Last week, I started putting two and two together and came up with 4. Yep. 4.
It dawned on me many years ago (about 4) that I had begun to get stomach upsets, painful lower bowel cramps and slight diarrhea pre monthly cycle.  Every month..like clockwork. I had never done this before, so it took a while for me to connect the two, but finally I did. Within a day or two before starting my period, I'd always get this stomach upset that would last into the first day or two of my cycle.
Cruel..but I dealt with it.
(I'm not sure how the hormones were connected, but they were adding their two cents in!).


Fast Forward to about 3 weeks ago.
I felt sick to my stomach. I mean...really sick to my stomach like I had eaten something bad. Tossing the cookies bad. This came on every day at about noon and ended about 5 or 6 pm, for two or three days. Then the tummy ache appeared, then bowel cramps, then diarrhea. I thought I really had eaten something I shouldn't have..then..I started my period. (blink blink)
First one in 8 months. (blink blink)
I didn't connect the two things.
Fast Forward one more time to last week. I started doing the same thing, for 3 days..feeling like I was gonna throw up. It would last many hours then subside. Then  all the other symptoms would follow.
I'll be damned if I didn't start my period again a few days ago. WTH?

Why do hormones feel they need to play a role in every aspect of your life. WHY?
Since when do hormones control your bowels and your stomach?? I mean..gees. Who thought of this design? I think it needs some work!

Pay attention sistas. I tell you...more things are connected then we believe. Start taking notes, they may come in handy someday.

The Crone of baby elephants and double trouble

Sage

Letter to the Sista's

Here we are, another day in Sages Saga of the house/self transformation. I'm two weeks into this chaos and want to be done with it already.
Sometime today or tomorrow I have to go shopping for more cleaning supplies. I'm out of the stuff I use to shampoo the carpets and good old ammonia.

(Sigh..do you know how much I hate having to stop my work to 'go get supplies'?)
I'm trying my best to keep the rules of Feng Shui in my head as I go about this business. I've come across a few things that I know "I don't love' and those items are in a pile to get rid of.
The first rule is the hardest for me I think.
Open your mind and have fun.
Damn, my mind is about as open as it can get and transformation is always a bit chaotic. I am having fun with most of it though.
I'm not sure exactly what it means to 'open the mind' in a Feng shui kinda way..I mean, open it to what? Hmm...maybe this is a learn as you go kinda thing. Who knows. I guess I'll keep at it.

I used to love re-decorating and designing, but this time, as much as I am loving the newness and the idea of a 'me' space, this bout of redecorating has been ..a pain. A huge pain. I think I'm becoming a crotchety old crone! Seriously!

And speaking of croneness...Aunt Flo is surely visiting!  She arrived yesterday bold as ever. I should have known because my other 'crone' symptoms have been greatly reduced for several weeks. Very few hot flashes, headaches & sleepless nights. I should have known.
I can honestly say, the flash-less days were nice. The sleep was great, the lack of headaches has been wonderful, but..I think I hate Aunt Flo worse. Really I do. I've lived with her long enough, it's time for that bitch to find a new resting place!

Now, back to the transformation:
Dementor has been somewhat helpful in all this transformation (for the most part). He knows I've been busy during the day with all the cleaning and moving and moving and cleaning. He's done the dishes twice, emptied the dishwasher twice....

 (I almost wish he hadn't as I had to go searching for 1/2 my shit when I cooked the other day)


AND done laundry once. It is unfortunate though, that he did not do any of it with a 'I'll help you' attitude he did it with a 'I'm taking up your slack' attitude. Some things never change.

He's been fairly forgiving as far as the chaos that the house is in right now. Said very little about it.
Till yesterday that was.
He started saying how he wanted things and what I should and shouldn't do. (EXCUSE ME?)
Hmm...it pissed me off  made me mad.
I'm doing this make over, not him. This is MY house..not his and it's ME who does 98% of the work in it so it's me I should consider when I try to make things 'roll smooth' ...don't ya think?

He can just stick his ideas and his likes and dislikes where he keeps his head the sun don't shine. Until he takes over the housecleaning/cooking..he can keep his trap shut about it. That's all I have to say about that.

Funny thing is, he won't balk me on what I do..for long. He'll bitch and moan about it for a while, then he'll let it go, until one day when he's pissed off about something and then he'll bitch and moan again. Too bad. That's it..just too friggin bad.
And speaking of Dementor.....guess what I got him for xmas?? This is sweet!!!
(In an evil sort of way)  
Take a look.  T-SHIRT
Yeah..it's evil.. yeah..I love it..and yeah, he needs a real membership. I think he could SOOO be president of a local chapter!  We don't normally share gifts at xmas, (because he's scrooge incarnate and hates xmas!) but this year, I could not resist that shirt.
Evil ain't I?
Sad part about it is..he'll wear it with absolute pride..he'll be proud he's an official member. ANYONE else would take it as a hint, but ohh no, not him. He'll take it as pure genius and swear he is the CEO!
He truly finds joy in his dementor attitude. He'll tell you.."I never smile, smiling hurts". (and trust me..he's telling the truth..he never smiles and I do believe it hurts him)
I think he's expecting a sainthood from me on the help he's given ..HAHAHAHAH..that is laughable!

(only if I can pummel him over the head with the hot thurible while I grant him that sainthood)

Ahh well, I guess it's time for me to be up and about continuing this transformation. Have a great day Sista Crones..and think about a transformation for yourself in the upcoming year.

The Crone of Pummeled Sainthood

Sage

A Challenge for you

Not in the too distant future we will embark on a new year. It has been my habit for many years to draw cards on the new year.
When I draw cards, I mean a divination of sorts with special divination cards. It tells me what to expect for the upcoming year. It is nothing written in stone, and nothing specific either.

I usually pull one animal totem card for the year. This tells me what to expect in terms of the habits and nature of the animal.
Will it be the butterfly this year that starts as a caterpillar, surviving until it's time to cocoon itself only to be born again with diaphanous wings of freedom?
Or perhaps the Badger that fights to the bitter end for itself and family whenever an intruder threatens it's boundaries? 
Maybe this year it will be something even more elusive such as the owl that only comes out at night to feed and watch the shadows grow long, the overseer of darkness.
Who knows? 
Either way, that animal totem will tell me what I may expect within myself and what the upcoming year may have to offer me.  Possibly to show me how I may have to react, or the courage I'll need to carry with me in order to get through the things this year will bring with it. I love pulling the animal totem cards, just for this purpose. We all need a totem once in a while.

Then I will pull three more cards from a different deck. I use these simply as an overview of the entire new year that lies before me. Of these three cards, the first will tell of the early part of the year, the second for the middle part and the third for the final closing of the year. (divided equally with 4 months in each part). As I said, this is just a general overview of my year ahead.

One can get much more detailed and draw a card for each month of the upcoming year, and if I have a feeling or read something in the cards previously drawn, I may do this, but usually the overview is enough.

Remember, to write down the cards you draw and their meanings. Keep them somewhere so you can refer back to them.
This is a reminder, we may all want to take a look at what our future may have in store for us.
So pull out your cards now, start shuffling them and touching them. Keep them close. Get them ready to read for YOU.

Maybe this would be a good year to start a diary of sorts. A grimoire, book of shadows or just a magical guide for your personal use. Call it your Journal of Journeys, because all of life is a journey ..take verbal pictures with your journal so you can look back and reflect at the end of the year at how far you've come, where you could have made better choices and what you may want to continue or give up doing for the next year.
Let that be a challenge for you in the upcoming  year..one habit. Get a book ( I suggest a 3 ring binder and a new pack of paper. Fill the book with the paper. Decorate the book) Now..the habit is... writing in your journal of journeys. Whether you decide for a once a week session, a daily session or even a once a month, either way, make it a habit.
Take the time to write. This is just for you. Put it in a safe place and don't worry about grammar or spelling. At the end of next year, you can decide what to do with it. Burn it, keep it, keep parts of it and burn the rest. It's your book,, do what you wish with it.
Include magical workings, thoughts, misgivings, good times, bad times, arguments, include in it what you want. Did you feel good today? Accomplish something you've wanted to do for a long time? Hated the day, burnt the toast?
Well hell..write about it. You'll feel better. Really you will.


The Crone of burnt toast and journals

Sage

Riding a Feng Shui broom

As many of you know, I am in the process of great change. House change, personal change..let's just call it a complete reformation in life. (part of the reason for this blog)

Dementor sometimes makes life unbearable for me, so I am having to find 'new life' without his input or disturbance.
First was this blog..second was connecting with an old friend (1 of 5) and joining up with her to do things beyond the scope of home and dementor (SCA; camping, medieval recreation, sewing sit-ins, etc)

(it is a help that she lives 2 hours from me..because a visit means total escape for a weekend!)

And finally, coming up from what seems to have been a meltdown and taking the advise of the DIL
(read: 2weeks of depression and feelings of being overwhelmed with everything)........
She gave me the idea of a personal sanctuary to call my own. A place in which I could escape away from the dementor when his presence was just too much.
She was right, what I needed was a space of my own. I thought it was a wonderful idea.

I've had a space of my own before but it was purely for creative endeavors (IE: Crafts/sewing).
The idea for this new space is one of an 'escape space'..somewhere I can go to relax, veg out and be away from the blackness dementor emits. (as well as a crafting area..it's to be a combo area)
A "ME" space.  I have been on that trek for many weeks now.

My thoughts on the idea have expanded to not just a 'me' space, but to bring back a 'me' that had dissapeared, as well as a major cleansing & cleaning one room at a time!!!!

(I know what I'd REALLY like to cleanse and purge from it!!)

This cleanse is twofold. It is allowing me to clean each room, like a spring cleaning, and to cleanse the rooms individually of any negativity that others had imparted into them.

That simple idea has lead me into a realm I did not expect.
Over the past weeks as I have been moving things here and cleaning there, I've realized that I may have 'too much stuff'. Not stuff that I don't love and appreciate trust me it's more like..well..this: Sometimes in life when we are missing something in one area, we tend to fill it up in other areas to try and counteract the void. I think I've done that over the last 4 years or so.

Yesterday I started giving some serious thought to new arrangements and current decorations.
(mid furniture move I might add)
We all know how the brain works, one thought will lead to the next and a new idea and that to another and that to another and so goes the train. The next thing you know you've either wasted the whole day or you've had a ephiphany.

Yesterday I had both!

I'm highly considering a more 'minimalist' attitude in my home. Not enough to make it cold and stark and not complete minimalist, just 'somewhat minimalist'. At the same time, I feel I need to rid myself of some of my 'clutter stuff'...(would rather it be dementor..but eh). I want to bring the witchy back into my home.


DIL brought me a book over the weekend about Feng Shui and I've been skimming through it since early this morning. It's funny how the idea of minimalist came to me yesterday and the book seems to key in on just that. Not so much a getting rid of everything, but a basic rule is keep only that which you love.

Don't clutter your house with things that produce bad memories and evoke wrong attitudes.

I did some internet research this morning on Feng Shui as well. Here are the top five key rules in this concept.

1. Open your mind and have fun.
2. Get clear on your intention.
3. Get rid of everything you don’t use or love.
4. Clean and organize your home.
5. Start making adjustments slowly.

I figured you guys could play along with me. Maybe do a little Feng Shui of your own.

So..onto rule #1

1. Open your mind and have fun.
I will do my best, but I can tell you ..dementor makes a difference. He likes to bitch about things I do, just for the pure pleasure of bitching. Soooo what I will do instead is open my mind and have fun in my 'me space'...and in the rest of the house, reign it in a bit!


2. Get clear on your intention
This one is easy is to bring back the me that I have let die, to bring joy back to my life and house.
(with or without dementor)
To bring back the creativity that seemed to have gotten lost at the same time the real me did. To create a space in which I can escape to in times of need.
To CLEAN more than just dirt!

(and trust me, I fully intend to put an altar and working area for magic in the 'me space')


3. Get rid of everything that you don't use or love.
This one will be an experiment in will power. I have so much I love (very little I don't use), but I will have to be stodgy in my choices of 'love and really love'.

(Does this mean dementor too?? I mean..it's part of the rules ..get rid of everything you don't use or love...can I puhlease?!!)

4. Clean and organize your home
Working on it! One room at a time!

5. Make adjustments slowly.
Well, I've been at this for several weeks now..I do have a finish goal date of course, but if I don't finish exactly at that time, I'm not going to panic. I'll deal with it and move along as best I can. There are certain things in life, such as a change of life that one cannot rush. I am not rushing. This must be exact and perfect for me.
FOR ME..did you read that?? FOR ME! not for anyone else, not for the big bad who sleeps in my bed..not for anyone but ME!

I am so starting to gain that  'be damned' if I care what anyone else thinks or says attitude. And ya know what?..this Crone is loving it!

Sometimes in life..it's just time for a change. Yep..time for a change.

In Pagan beliefs, we've already had our new year with Samhain (Halloween). In US/world beliefs..the new year is still to come. Either way..I'm hitting the mark on both ends. I'm doing this between the changeover of years..pagan and non.
Join me in the year of change!

The Crone of Minimalist Changes

Sage

The magic broom

Well..if you  read the previous post, I left you hanging with the sweeping.

What you will find in this post, is the magic in a witches broom. It is strong magic and it does work as long as you do it with honest heartfelt sincerity. Let me give you some history.

Many many years ago, I had a visitor. She was here to stay for a week. I didn't want her here. She was an idiot to stay the least. I put up with her for 3 days. (she had 3 more to go) when I had had enough. I wanted her gone gone gone do you hear me..I meant..GONE!

When I was very young, someone told me once (and old crone she was) that if you ever wanted to rid your house of the 'company' or anyone for that matter, that you had to pull out your broom and sweep the dust from their feet back out the door they came in.

Well..needless to say..I did exactly that.
This little spell DOES WORK do you hear me.
So here's what I did.
I got out my broom..and I began sweeping my kitchen. Not missing one inch of floor. As I swept I chanted (silently in my head mind you)
Dust of the floor
Dust from your shoe
In you came and now out with you!

Or you could say:

I sweep the dust of your feet from my door may you quickly follow and be gone!

Easy enough right??
You can make up your own words, either way the point is..you must sweep and the whole time you are sweeping keep in mind that this is dust from his/her shoes and you are removing it from your home just as you want them removed from your home.

Ok..so now, back to my sweeping.
I'm sweeping away and in my head chanting and with great feeling wanting this women out of my house. NOW! Out the door the dirt went (you can't put it in the trash..oh no! You have to sweep it out the door and off the steps ..with a flourish I might add...and great intent!)
I come back into my house..broom in hand and as I'm putting it away..
(I had JUST released the broom from my hand) when this women jumps from the couch and starts gathering her things.
The whole time she's gathering she's saying stuff like:
:I really must go home, I need to go ahead and leave now, yes, I'll go home early. I really must. I've just decided I should go home."
I looked at her with complete understanding..saying "It's ok, I understand..no problems' while inside I'm giving off the maniacal crones cackle..oh yes!

Come today. The Dementor is not going fishing??? !!! WHAT???

Ohhh hell no. We'll see about that.
So I grabbed my broom and I began to sweep. The whole time I'm sweeping in my head I'm saying stuff like..I don't need you here today, I want you gone from me today, get out on the boat today, fish the afternoon away..as goes the dust from your feet..so goes you!

Before I had finished flinging the dirt off the porch, Dementor was putting on his clothes and packing his lunch cooler.

<insert maniacal crones laughter here>

I have the day to myself. This afternoon I'll be attending my granddaughters 3rd birthday party. ALONE. I know this, because as the dementor was heading out the door I asked "are you planning on being back in time for the party?" His reply
"I wasn't planning on it!"
In my mind as the maniacal crone laughter begins again ..I'm thinking "Yeah..but five minutes ago you weren't planning on going fishing either!"

<insert more maniacal crone laughter>
Ohh the love of a broom.

The Crone of Broom Spells

Sage

The Lawnmower's broke

Many years ago, I used to teach a class on paganism.
(TRULY..witchcraft, but hey..trying to keep people from running away here)

At the very beginning I told everyone that if they didn't take the time to study on the things we were doing, then it showed they really didn't care, and I didn't need people in class that 'didn't care'.
My Excuse Motto was "My lawnmower's broke"..because in my book, any excuse was just as good as another, because excuses were simply a way of saying 'I didn't care enough' to do it. Easy enough right?

Since that time, this has been a long running joke in our house "my lawnmower's broke'...for people who gave excuse after excuse for not doing something. (the dementor does not know this joke)

It just so happens that Dementor had planned on going fishing on Friday, so early Friday morning he gets up and goes out to prepare things. Within 1/2 hour he was back in the house slamming and throwing things, madder then a hornet!
I knew what was wrong. I had heard him try to start the lawnmower (riding type)..and it would not start. (He uses it to pull his boat out of its parking space and get it lined up with the truck)
As I emerge from the bathroom..amidst all this throwing and slamming I asked "What's wrong?" Did I ask this in a harsh tone? NO..was I loud? NO..matter of fact I said it very softly..

Herein lies the exchange between the two of us

Me: "What's wrong?"
D: The goddamned lawnmower won't start. (said with venom and volume!)
D: AND NO! I'm not going fishing! (which he yelled..from this point on..he didn't stop yelling)
(notice I had said nothing before this outburst)

(Immediately I thought of the "My lawnmowers broke excuse. I stood there and had to realize he really was pissed off and not going fishing because the lawnmower would not start. Are you serious?
So..I had to ask)

Me: "Because the lawnmower's broke?" I did not say this much more above a whisper mind you and was very serious when I asked, manly because I couldn't believe what I was hearing!!!
D: THATS RIGHT!
At this point, I knew..and I simply walked out the bedroom door.
just after I brought the door to a close.
D: yelled; "YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT?!!" ..
Rage flew into me..and I jerked the door back open..and stood there for the milli-second looking at him...he was waiting. He wanted a fight. .I simply said nothing, shook my head in a manner which very clearly indicated "you are not worth my time" and again, closed the door.
Since his first attempt didn't work, he figured he'd give it one more shot and said
D: "THAT's WHAT I THOUGHT!"
Again, I repeated the same action and this time I was ready to pummel the hell out of this man..beat him to a bloody stump..I flung the door open one more time....but instead of giving him what he wanted..I simply whispered
Me: "You will not bait me today"
And walked out, bringing the door to a close very gently.
I heard his reply and it was that of a 2 year olds
D: "JUST DON'T ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS!"

What was the rest of our day like?? Silent.
I made breakfast for my kiddos, Bacon and waffles.
(My son, DIL and granddaughter were sleeping when all of this was going on)

Dementor knew I was making breakfast..he sulked in the bedroom.
A few hours later he emerges and informs me he's going to get the part to fix the lawnmower.

The day wore on..he even thought at one point, this was going to 'pass over'..and I was going to forget the whole exchange..he smiled at me and made a comment about him being superman because he had fixed it. I simply turned and walked away..saying nothing.

So get this. This morning.. I was sitting on the couch when he got up.
He doesn't say anything, just shuffles across the floor like an old man..gets him some coffee and comes SITS NEXT TO ME ON THE COUCH! WTH????
He NEVER sits with me on the couch. The couch is MY domain damnit!

Immediately I knew..he was trying to 'make up'. OH HELL NO!  In my head I'm thinking ....JUST WHO IN THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS??

I sat there on the laptop finishing my game of solitaire and ignoring him for about 5 minutes. During that 5 minutes ..he makes the statement that he doesn't think he's going fishing today.

(blink blink..his boat is outside waiting. He's got it all set up to go fishing...blink blink)
ARGHHHHH! Say it isn't so!...I don't want you around today!)

Then..I got up. I started the laundry, I moved a few more boxes, I did anything I could to let him know..I was not willing to sit next to him on the couch and was not coming back.
(all in the most of pleasant of ways...outwardly at least)
It was then that I knew, I was going to have to weave the spell and do some old magic I learned many years ago.

I grabbed the broom and began to sweep. 

See the next post for what happens. :)

The Crone of the broken lawnmower fiasco

Sage

I've lost a gene somewhere in the pool.

My happy ass has seen the sunrise for about 5 days now. Yep, 4:30 AM..that's what time I've been waking up. whether I'm on the couch or in the bed sleeping...4:30 AM!
I gotta tell ya, I actually love getting up before everyone else, but ya know, there isn't much going on at 4:30 AM..nope..not a lot!

Dementor has been on his best behavior for about 3-5 days now. (blink blink)  
Something must be up.  
(Maybe he's getting some from somewhere else... Ya reckon?  LOL)
Dayum..he even washed the dishes the other morning!!! (faint dead away)
I tell you, something is up. I just haven't figured it out yet!

Yesterday evening..I was doing my 'coupon' thing getting ready for my shopping trip today and of course, Dementor had 'the race' on.
Now, I have to tell you, I hate..hate hate hate racing. I hate most all sports honestly, but racing..is such a waste of gas, in a time when we don't need to be wasting anything! The sound is about as annoying as..well I digress.

I'm sitting on the couch, happily cutting out coupons, checking sale papers and making my list. The announcer for the race is saying this and that..and then it dawned on me. Race fans must be idiots.
The announcer or 'hosts' were saying things that were obvious to any fool like it was a news flash or something. I just was flabbergasted.
I mean simple shit like....
"he'll have to cross the finish line to win". Uhmm REALLY? I thought he could just roll up to it and park to win....no duh!
"These two cars have been the fastest cars on the track today!" ...well uuhm gee..if they are placing 1st and 2nd...beating everyone else..I would SUPPOSE they were faster then the others..ya think???

And in the background..the constant "WUHOooooo...WUHOOOooooo" as the cars go round the track..passing the stands where the microphones are. What an annoying sound that is! Reminded me of Damien in "The Omen" when he was running about making that sound..arghhhhhhh!

Can a sport be more irritating then racing? Can someone tell me this?
And for all you race fans out there..too bad. To each his own. You can bitch about 'non-race' fans on your own blog mmmk?

Anyway..enough of that. (gag) can't wait till the season is over.
(honestly, it's never over here..he'll find a replay of ones he didn't see during the season!)

Then..it will be replaced by some other irritating sport that Dementor insists he watches.
..tell me this sistas..
Do your dementors watch fishing? How about golf?

Those are about as exciting as watching the grass grow do you hear me!?
Fishing and golf fall into the same category for me. WHY in the hell..would someone want to WATCH someone fishing is beyond me, much less hitting a little ball into a hole a thousand feet away! (blink blink) And then when they miss the little hole, run around on the grass so they can continue to hit the ball, trying to get it into the hole!
(men and balls in holes..it starts in the bed and ends on the golf course! GEEE!)

Maybe I just have too many other things to occupy my time with then the silliness of sports. 
Maybe I just can't see wasting time on such trivial things as a mans willingness to try to 'beat out another' ....
I just don't get it.
I must have been born without the competition gene. Really.
Are all men (besides gay ones) born with this intense 'competition gene'??
Is it a throwback of the ancient tests of manhood that we civilized humans no longer take part in? What?

Can someone explain this to me?

The Crone of Obvious announcements

Sage

Dementor Rant..and toothbrushes.

As I soaked up the hot shower, trying to clear my head
(Seriously..trying to clear the sinus infection)
I realized my plan was not working. Just like the toilet plan, it didn't work either.
The plan?
To see how long I could go without cleaning something before the dementor kicked in and did it.

For months I had not cleaned the shower stall. Now, mind you, I used to clean it everyday.
I have this 'trick' I do to clean it. We all know we hate to clean the tub and or shower..hate it right?
Well, I got smart.
(imagine that!) 
Here's the trick:

I bought soft scrub in a plastic bottle and a scrubby sponge just for the shower. I placed it in the shower stall on one of the lower 'shelves'. Each and every day when I showered, I took 2 minutes to load up the sponge and wash ONE wall. At the beginning of the week, I'd start with the doors and move around each day. By the end of the week, the shower stall was cleaned, took me only two minutes at most..and lo and behold it stayed that way.

(fucking amazing)
Mind you, when I did this, I thought too that the hubs may kick in once in a while and help out with the same process.
(why in the hell I would think such a thing is beyond me!)

Suffice it to say, he never did. I was the only one cleaning the shower (and I was working at the time too, so it wasn't like I was a 'stay home wife')
So..about 2 months ago, I figured I'd try to see how long it would take without the shower stall being cleaned before the dementor either said something, or did it himself.

I'm still waiting.

I tried this same trick with the master toilet too
(which I very rarely use, I might add)
I broke. After 2 months I couldn't stand it anymore and cleaned it myself. How he could use such a nasty piece of equipment is beyond me, but alas, I've come to the conclusion that most men are uncouth. 

Now part of me really really wants to balk about this and never clean it. Seriously. But this is "MY" home..and I can't stand to see it go down the dumps due to this kind of garbage. So I always give in and clean up his mess.
Here's the crux of the situation though. I would NOT mind doing this...(cleaning and such) IF and only IF he'd kick in ONCE IN A WHILE!
WTH?

I have truly come to the conclusion that men (most men) who get married, get married for the sole purpose of having someone else 'do the mundane' and clean up after them.
They get married to have a mother.
They marry for love, sure....the love of the potential that the women has. To treat him like a king and clean his shit bucket. Oh yes sistas...if you're married, it's because you had potential and maid like qualities.

It is EXPECTED that I do all the mundane chores about the house. Most times, I don't mind, really. What I DO mind is that I'm expected to do such things. And if I don't..I hear snide comments and rude remarks under the breath. Sometimes, I've even heard berating like I'm a child!
Damnit it all to hell..I am no child. I am not YOUR child. You are not my father.
When will men learn, this is not the role of husband?

In all actuality, it is he that is the child, because I have to pick up behind, clean behind, prepare food for and do laundry for HIS ass..like a child.

Then back all this up with the looks and disdain that comes from the dementor that I should be earning money for the household. He's tired of busting his hump to earn money we never get to use for anything other then bills and keep our head above water. I hear this a lot.
WTH? Isn't that point?

I have to clean the toilet today..
His toothbrush is right there............
maybe..just maybe


And I probably would if it wouldn't take so damned long with such a small ass brush!

The Crone of toothbrushes and comet

Sage

Night of Hekate

WHEN?:: Sunset 16th to Sunrise 17th


WHAT??:: This is the night when Hekate roams the Earth with her hounds. It is also the night when new initiations are made for Witches who are called to her service or wish to follow her. A traditional offering to Her, also called Hekate's Supper, is honey left on the doorstep in a small bowl. Hekate then blesses those inside. Hekate's Supper was also held at crossroads and She is known as the Goddess of Crossroads.

Hekate, the ancient Greek name for the Triple-Moon Goddess, traditionally represented the three aspects of women: Maiden, Mother, Crone, signifying mind, body, spirit, and birth, life, death. She is now best known in her Crone aspect, represented by the Dark Moon. She is often seen holding a lit torch (enlightenment, wisdom, clarity of vision), keys (knowledge, unlocking the mysteries), and a rope, reminding us to be free of slavery and also the cord of rebirth. Her Sacred Hounds represent protection. Snakes symbolize wisdom and knowledge, especially of the healing arts, as well as the art of prophecy.

She continues to be known as the liberator of women. She is a mighty Goddess and one whose strength can be a model for our lives today, especially as we are Gathering the Women to Sisterhood, and strive to dismantle patriarchy.

WHERE??:: EVERYWHERE!! 


Attend event HERE





So yeah..I plan on making arrangements to do this. I think I need it. Funny how this came along it seems just at the right time huh?


Here's some places for you to learn about Hecate!!


Wikipedia


Encyclopedia Mythica


Hecates Cauldron


The Crone of Tuna Sandwiches (it's what's for dinner)


Sage

Blankets of Doom and visit from Aunt Flo

Day two:

Yep..that's what I said, day two.
Let me explain.
For the past few weeks, I have been under a blanket of black. I don't believe it was the Dementors fault either.
Then who's fault was it?
I can only lay blame at the feet of Mother nature. I'm wondering if I did something lately that really pissed her off, cuz boy she played hard ball with me.
Let me start off by telling  you, I haven't had a visit from Aunt Flo in 8 months...did you hear that..EIGHT MONTHS!
(woohoooo..dancing a jig)

That was ..untill last Monday. And on that fateful day, Aunt Flo decided it had been far to long since she had come for a visit and she showed up bold as brass on my front door.

(stayed a whole damned week too I might add)

For a solid week before all this, I was feeling 'dumpy'. Dumpy in my world means..down in the dumps.
With the onset of Aunt Flo's visit, the dumpy got worse.
Every job or joy set before me seemed far to overwhelming to attend to.
I would look at the dishes I had to do and see not just the few that were there, but a mountain of them that I could not climb over. It was too overwhelming. I'd leave them.

(for a while at least..I'd do them in fits and spurts throughout the day till they were done..)

I'd see the painting that I started weeks ago and think "maybe I'll work on that today" and that too ended up a bigger job then I wanted to attend to.
I'd see all the leaves on the floor that my large Velcro dog had carried in, but the thought of just unwinding the plug wire on the vacuum, much less pushing it about was too daunting a task.
I just could not handle the enormity of any job. EVERYthing, seemed far too much. Far too much work, too much thought, too much everything.

What did I do for those two weeks?
Bemoaned my life (in my head..never aloud), slept, cried, got mad, slept some more and repeat. It wasn't that I 'hated' anything..I just didn't want to deal with anything. (and didn't!)
I slept a lot. In all honesty..it was a bout of depression from hell. It's the only name I can put to it.

(I was like a washing machine stuck on a rinse cycle!)

Sooo..I went away this past weekend. I had to force myself to do it. Many times on the drive to my destination I had convinced myself to turn around and go home. And then, I'd re-convince myself not to. I did make it..finally.

The weekend was good for me. It got me out of the house, I got to meet up with some friends again and I got to talk this garbage out with 1 of 5. Face to face.

1 of 5 suggested that I do a major house cleansing.. The negativity that has been in this house for far to long has taken root and seems to be lingering in all the dark corners and recess. I have to get rid of it.
I agreed. She was right
Another 1 of 5 had suggested I make a space to call my own, that I could retreat to when things got rough around here..she too was right. 

Once I was home again, I was determined to rid myself of the negative and create a happy space all my own. I needed some Feng Sui for sure!

So with both of these ideas in mind,....I set about the daunting task yesterday.
The work is slow going. I'm not rushing.
I have decided this job cannot be 'half assed'. It has to be complete. I have to start with an empty canvas.
I emptied my current guest room. Completely.

(decorations, curtains, furniture..even the closet. ALL OF IT! GONE!)
I've cleaned the empty canvas..walls, ceiling, carpet and windows.

Today, I will give it a spiritual cleansing.

I promise I won't lay back on any candles

(My hair may be short, but I bet it would still catch fire!)

I'll fill the space with my things, things that make me happy. My crafts, my witchy supplies, my altar.
Then I'll move to the next room. And so on and so forth.
I WILL rid this house of it's negativity ...one room at a time..even if it drives me insane!

(and that it may very well do before it's over!)
** There is a reason our mothers gave the house a good 'spring cleaning' once a year..and now it's evident as to why!

The Crone of Shiny Glass and clean Carpets

Sage

The Monster in my room

Today, the Gumption Goblins had their way with me..ohh yes they did. The invaded my world early and stayed on without notification of their visit.
(There are some visitors you just wish would never come) 

Exactly what are the Gumption Goblins?..well they are these little men that get in your head, have a party in your body and use any willpower you may have as footstools.

See, when I woke up this morning I had all the gumption in the world, daydreaming of all the things I would accomplish on this fine fall day!
Until my feet hit the floor. That's when the Gumption Goblins will attack see..as soon as your feet hit the floor. They hide under the bed..the little buggers.

I know you all remember the childhood fear of 'something grabbing your ankle as you step next to the bed. Seriously, how many of you did this in your youth.
Here goes.
It's bed time, which means, it's time to turn out the light.
Your light switch is on the other side of the room from the bed..and you just KNOW that as soon as you turn off that light and walk across the room a hand will come out from under the dark recesses of your bed and grab you, dragging you down to wherever it is that under the bed monsters hide.
You psych yourself up as best you can and prepare the room.  You arrange the bed, turning back the covers then make sure there is NOTHING on the floor that could possibly trip you up between the light switch and the bed.
Now..everything is set and you head to the light switch. Put your hand on the switch, and stretch yourself out as far as possible, so that you only have to take two huge leaping jump steps before that final leap onto the bed.  "CLICK" boom boom..jump and WHEW..you made it.
Hide quick! Under the covers you go, because you KNOW you can't leave any of your body outside of the covers...the blankets are a cloak of invisibility in disguise. They keep any monsters, ghosts or oogie things in the night from seeing you..or better yet, TOUCHING YOU!
They can't touch you under the covers you know! There you are...safe in your bed, all body parts under the covers..all is right with the world.

(sigh)

Was I close? Did you do this as a child?
I did. Every night of my life..oh yes I was very very aware of the 'under the bed monsters' in the dark, at night.

Somehow though..someone failed me in my youth. No one EVER told me about the monsters under the bed in the morning.
The Gumption Goblins.
They will strike when you least expect it. As soon as you put your feet on the floor in the morning they creep up and jump into your toes without you even being aware they are there. They become flat and invisible as soon as they touch you and by the time you make that first trek to the bathroom, they've soaked into your skin and started invading your bloodstream. All the day dreams you've just had about the magnificent accomplishments you intend to get done that day start disappearing. The Gumption Goblins start eating them from the feet up. It's breakfast for them.
You may actually get the first morning things accomplished before they finish their feast of your day dreams, but after that first accomplishment, the couch will become a welcome site for you....

You'll bemoan the fact that you have no 'energy'..no desire to do any of the things you dreamed about. It will just seem like far to much 'work' to get any of it started.

Oh the little devils...they will rob you of the day before you realize it. A nap will be in order and you'll think to yourself..I'll nap for an hour... and you'll sleep while the Goblins have a party, eating up all your gumption.

Oh yes, my friends, think not that I kid you about these little monsters. They will eat every bit of gumption you have..all your day dreams, all your 'wanna do goals'..all the accomplishments you wanted to produce that day..is fodder for the Goblins. It's like Thanksgiving for them. And they love it!

When you wake, 4 hours have gone by and all you have time to do is get dinner made....and even then, if there was a way to get out of that you would.

(sigh)

They won't disappear until the sun sets..and you crawl back into your bed for the night. Then, they will slink out of you like a silk scarf in a wind storm. Sliding from your feet and over the edge of the bed to retreat back into the darkness under the bed to sleep off their feast of the day. Like poison mercury they will roll into the darkness to wait. If you're too loud when you get up in the morning, they'll hear you and be on the ready waiting for your feet to hit the floor, once again.

Welcome to my world today. :)
It was not pretty..the goblins are still here.

The Crone of Under the bed Goblins

Sage

The Menocoaster to hell

Welcome to Menohell's Roller Coaster, please bring the bar over your head down in front of you until you hear it click into place. Keep your arms and feet in the car at all times. Secure any loose items and hold on for the ride of your life.

WHEEE..up and down, up and down, over this hill and that hump, down into the pits of hell and back up again.
Yep..that's me today.
It started yesterday I think. This is somewhat of a continuation of the previous post but on a more personal level. I'm not sure anyone else would feel this way, unless of course, they have a dementor like mine. And I can't say for sure it's all about the Dementor today either.

This is another one of those days where I woke up mad. Don't ask me why, I just did. I couldn't sleep. My back hurt and just being next to another body in my bed was irritating me. I wanted to lash out and beat the crap out of my tormentor who in my mind, happened to be laying next to me.

(Better to get up, get some coffee and release some energy here then on him huh?)

Now, the bigger question is why do I feel this way. I mean, when I first woke, I could have easily packed my bags and left here forever, for good, that's just how irritated I was. I wanted nothing more then for the dementor to go away and never return, or I was leaving. I felt disgusted by him, hated him. Just the close proximity of this snoring monster was enough to make me think vile abnormal things. I felt as if I could scratch his eyeballs out.

(These really are the kind of days in which I do question my own sanity)

I loathed the thought of him just breathing in my space.  
(The pillow was looking very inviting)

Seriously ladies, this is bad. The feelings have somewhat subsided since I removed myself from the bedroom, but not by much. As I wrote yesterday about screaming and jumping upon your prey, this is how I am today, but with more of a hatred then I know how to describe. In my mind, I cannot believe such a vile person as this exists and *I* live with him! In my mind, I want him to just go away.
Seriously..just go away. Don't ever come back. EVER!

I'm sure part of this is due to the hormonal rolllercoaster of Menohell that I boarded yesterday...I'm sure of it. I'm also sure that the other part of this is due to Dementor's attitude yesterday.

If I had just met this man yesterday with this attitude, I would have with the quickest of haste dismissed him from my presence immediately. He would NOT have been someone I would have ever cared to get to know or spend (waste) any time with.

He was obnoxious, rude, accusatory, suspicious and downright horrible. This was one of those days where..even a news cast brought 'negative' comments from him. And I don't mean one newscast, I mean ALL of them. Hell, it didn't have to be a newscast..all it had to be was an advertisement for something and he found something negative or opposite to say about it. Yesterday..he felt in his mind that he was "the great him'.......he was all there was and there was no one else with an opinion or thoughts on anything, and the great him was right damnit. End of conversation.

And MONEY..ohmygawd, money is his driving force. He hates spending it, or should I say he hates ME causing him to have to spend it. ANYTHING that is an expense to him, that I am the reason for..it's bitch and moan time..it's speech time......he is so money driven..he can't make enough. He wants more, he wants no bills, he wants this and that..gawd, I might hate money more then him. No..I hate his attitude about it.

It is unfortunate that I had to go to sleep with this attitude riddled man last night, because I'm very positive this is why I woke with such hatred for him. Such loathing. I can't stand people like that.

When I woke the first time it was 2am. I knew I could not get up then..I felt the evil hate creeping in. I forced myself back to sleep. When I woke the second time it was 3:45..and the passion in which the loathing had grown was far too much for me to try and go back to sleep. I knew I had to get up and remove myself from the dementors invasion.

Is this a hormonal hell rollercoaster, or is this truly how I'm starting to feel toward my dementor? Is it both ...or none of the above?  Is this my mind slipping down a slippery slope that I cannot get a grip on?

Seriously, these are the days I question my sanity..today is one of them.

ANGER..that's what I feel..deep in my chest, like a growing baby..anger at...............at..the only person available to me..the dementor. (with good reason though I might add)

I want to 'clean house'..and I mean wipe every bit of his existence out of it. That's the kind of cleaning I'm talking about. It's like I feel he has invaded my space and I have lost it. I no longer have any say or any purpose here other then to clean and cook for him. My home is no longer my home.And I hate him for it.

How do we get rid of this anger? Do you have this? What have you tried? I need some help here, or I fear the worst.
This is one of those days that I truly truly wish gas was still cheap...I'd simply fill the tank, grab some coffee and drive ....music loud..and drive..music off.....and drive. Till the anger subsided.

I'm at a loss.

The Crone of  Not so Merry Maids

Sage

Rm 13..Motel Hell

Sisttaaass!
(said in her best Bette Midler 'Hocus Pocus' voice)

Let's chat shall we?
You know, there are a few menohell symptoms that are not on the list. Let's talk about one of those shall we?

Let's talk about.......the psychotic lightening days.    Yep, you read that right. Psychotic Lightening

These days are a living hell. You're on edge...all day, for two days or more. Every nerve you have has been zapped by some strange electrical current that you cannot unplug from. Your skin will actually feel oogie..you won't want it on you!
(how weird is that!?)
You'll pace and act like a cat covering up shit in a shit storm.
You'll jump and be willy nilly all over the place.
Nothing will satisfy you, nothing will work and nothing feels right.
Your entire world is off kilter and you can't get it straight no matter what.
You'll get upset easily, you'll snap at people for no reason and no one can do anything right for you.
You can't keep your mind on any one thing for more than a minute ..this will drive you mad!
Your world has just turned into a hormonal storm.  A tornado of madness that is set on destroy mode.

You could easily scream in outrage and pounce on someone, wishing you could beat them to a bloody pulp... just as easily as you could suddenly cry a river of tears as you crumble into a lump on the floor wishing the world and everyone in it would just disapear.

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!


(The last time I had one of those 'pouncing on someone and beating them to a bloody pulp days'..I'm sure you can guess who I wanted to beat. oh yeah.)

I can suggest a few things that you do not want to do on these days. Stay away from chick flicks..sob stories..love dramas and weddings.
Seriously..you'll cry all day. For no damned reason. None at all. You'll just cry. You'll feel like a hormonal nine year old girl or the teenager who screams and bursts into tears as they stomp out of the room and slam the door on their unfair parents!

And if someone catches you crying and makes the grave mistake of giving you that 'tut tut' look (or sound) heaven help them, because those tears can change to fire ball eyes of hate so quickly you'll swear you're a ninja cat as you pounce on the victim spitting at them with everything you've got!

(in your mind you'll suit up ninja cat style & commence to clawing the 'tut tut' individual into tiny tiny nondescript pieces)
 
Seriously, if on the off chance someone...ANYONE makes a remark your way about your 'mood' you'll either go into a fit of rage or you'll cry even harder. No telling what the hormonal psychotic lightening days will bring in a situation like this.

(if you go crazy ninja mode, make sure it's only in your hormone rattled mind.........mmK?)

These days usually bring along with them the greatest desire to 'be alone'.  You won't want to talk or spend time with anyone.  Period. No excuses, no acceptions, no one! Period. If you even try you'll be contrary and ill mannered, you won't be able to keep your thoughts on any conversation because all you can think of is how much you want this annoying person to go away!

(This is a serious thing, really, this could be your best friend, but on that day, they'll be an annoying pain in the ass)

You know what I say to this? Go for it. Lock the doors, turn off the phone and go into hiding. It won't last forever, a week at most. If you're friends and enemies can't do without you for a week, they have more problems then you need to deal with.

This Sissttaa Crones is just one of those horrible horrible 'menohell' symptoms that people don't like to talk about, discuss or even admit exists. You will find it on very few lists.
WHY is this?
Because it's almost the same as saying "for about a week I go a little insane."
People will worry that you're not normal and take it upon themselves to do their duty and suggest you 'see someone'.

(matter of fact, when you hear this..you'll immediately go ninja cat mode and pounce on the person who is suggesting such a ludicrous thing!)

Well, I'm here to tell you, this exists, it's real. It's like your mind is living in a hurricane..spinning all over the place.
It's hell week..and not on a college campus but in your own mind and all over your body.
Welcome to Motel Hell where you have to live for a week.


The Crone of Room 13 in Motel Hell

Sage