Baby Elephants and Wrigleys Gum

Most people use the phrase 'pain in the butt'..hell I've even been known to use the phrase 'pain in the dick'.


(thanks to my son who said it around me..and it stuck. I thought it hilarious)

However, I think I'll be changing my 'pain in the butt/dick' to ...'pain in the boobs'. I could be more crass and say 'pain in the tits'...either one works.
Why am I changing the classic pain in the butt to pain in the boobs?
Because my BOOBS HURT!

Ohmygawd! my boobs have been so sore, I can hardly lay down to sleep in the position I normally sleep in..I'm having to readjust the damned things so I don't squish them causing severe pain!
It's like wrestling baby elephants on my chest just to lay down and sleep. I have to reach down and pull each one up so it's not getting flattened, because a flattened boob is a painful boob do you hear me??

(I wonder....Do men have to do this?)


I would occasionally get a sore boob pre-period in my younger crone years. Some months they would be sore and some months they wouldn't. But holy shit these baby elephants are killing me. Does this have to do with croning? If so this 'symptom' needs to go on the list! Or is this just payback time for not having Aunt Flo visit for so long? WTH?

(My boobs feel like I've been participating in a marathon run with no bra. The only thing I'm lacking is the black eyes to go with it!)


Not to mention the cramps. In my youth, I got cramps..about every 3rd month or so. Nothing hugely painful, on occasion. BUT..geeezuslord these cramps are everyday, never ending and pill worthy do you hear me! (mega pill worthy!)  I have just about had enough of this.

(Not that I can do anything about it I just like saying that, it makes me feel better!)


Tired? Oh hell, I've been so tired since this started. It's like..as the flow goes so does the energy!

I've got all the symptoms of a crone not having a period and non crone monthly symptoms giving me double trouble. I feel like a Wrigleys piece of gum! Double everything!

(mother nature is a bitch sometimes!) 


Let's talk about some of the more 'nasty' things in crone life. Last week, I started putting two and two together and came up with 4. Yep. 4.
It dawned on me many years ago (about 4) that I had begun to get stomach upsets, painful lower bowel cramps and slight diarrhea pre monthly cycle.  Every month..like clockwork. I had never done this before, so it took a while for me to connect the two, but finally I did. Within a day or two before starting my period, I'd always get this stomach upset that would last into the first day or two of my cycle.
Cruel..but I dealt with it.
(I'm not sure how the hormones were connected, but they were adding their two cents in!).


Fast Forward to about 3 weeks ago.
I felt sick to my stomach. I mean...really sick to my stomach like I had eaten something bad. Tossing the cookies bad. This came on every day at about noon and ended about 5 or 6 pm, for two or three days. Then the tummy ache appeared, then bowel cramps, then diarrhea. I thought I really had eaten something I shouldn't have..then..I started my period. (blink blink)
First one in 8 months. (blink blink)
I didn't connect the two things.
Fast Forward one more time to last week. I started doing the same thing, for 3 days..feeling like I was gonna throw up. It would last many hours then subside. Then  all the other symptoms would follow.
I'll be damned if I didn't start my period again a few days ago. WTH?

Why do hormones feel they need to play a role in every aspect of your life. WHY?
Since when do hormones control your bowels and your stomach?? I mean..gees. Who thought of this design? I think it needs some work!

Pay attention sistas. I tell you...more things are connected then we believe. Start taking notes, they may come in handy someday.

The Crone of baby elephants and double trouble

Sage