ONE BIT: Search for inspiration and feed your soul and mind with upbeat information.
ONE PIECE: Keep in mind that you paralyze yourself by focusing on the things you
don’t have and can’t do. Rather, focus on what you do have, and can do.
TWO BITS: Learn to create little victories for yourself and build on them. Shoot
for one little thing each day that can show progress in a particular
area of your life.
TWO PIECES: Make one goal a week which will help your life improve.
THREE BITS: Make time each day to nurture yourself.
THREE PIECES: Schedule daily time for activities you find calming and soothing. Go
for a walk in nature, listen to music, enjoy a hot bath, get a massage, read a favorite
book, take a yoga class, or savor a warm cup of tea.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
A Flash of Elephants
After the ill fated conversation the other night, I was sitting on the couch..and realized how tired I was. I closed my eyes only to be bombarded immediately by a flash vision. The first was of two, seemingly identical elephants, but with hair, similar to that of a mammoth. The hair was darker toward the top of their bodies and lighter at the bottom. They were facing me head on, so I didn't see their 'rears' as it were. In a way their legs appeared longer, or it may have been simply because of the hair.
It looked very much like this shape, head and leg structure..but without tusks..no tusks. Trunk hanging straight down in front.
And as I said, he was brownish..with lighter colors toward the legs. Looking a little bit more like this guy in coloring.
Still..no tusks
Remember, I saw this from a front view..as if he and his twin were looking directly at me.
Of course, I opened my eyes in complete shock....asking 'where the fuck did THAT come from'...(blink blink)
Then..when I closed them again..I got a pic of an elephant. Almost identical to this one..just no tusks..and no bushes, trunk up as this one. I don't believe it's ears were as big though.....I saw only what you see in the pic below..a basic head shot from the shoulders up.
After doing a little research about Elephants...here is what I found.
http://www.whats-your-sign.com/elephant-meaning.html (she has more info on her site as well)
Elephant Meanings and Symbolic Thoughts about the Elephant
Symbolic elephant meaning deals primarily with strength, honor, stability and patience, among other attributes.
To the Hindu way of thought, the elephant is found in the form of Ganesha who is the god of luck, fortune, protection and is a blessing upon all new projects. Ganesha in all his magnificently vibrant elephant glory, is intent on bulldozing obstacles on your behalf (funnily, male elephants are termed "bulls").
________________________________________________________________________________
http://www.experiencefestival.com/meaning_of_dreams_about_elephant
Meaning of Dreams about ElephantA selection of articles related to Meaning of Dreams about Elephant:
Dream Interpretation Elephant : The elephant in an emblem of enormous strength, sovereignty, stability and power. Seeing an elephant in the dream indicates that your job is going well and success is guaranteed. Dreaming of an elephant also can be a warning that you need to behave more prudently and be steadfast
Elephant: Elephants in dreams may represent knowledge, power, and strength. They are also associated with long memory and "thick skin." However, depending on the dream’s details, the elephant may be a symbol of a large burden. Additionally, in the dream you may be making efforts to remember something important and of great magnitude.
________________________________________________________________________________
http://www.dreambible.com/animals.html
To dream of an elephant represents sensitivity or issues that makes you very upset when confronted. An elephant may reflect things that hurt your feelings, things that easily anger you, or something that might make you cry.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Now, of course, one cannot look up elephants without "Ganesh' coming into play, so of course, I had to find out some info about "Ganesh" This is a condensed version:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganesha
Ganesha is widely revered as the Remover of Obstacles and more generally as Lord of Beginnings and Lord of Obstacles, patron of arts and sciences, and the deva of intellect and wisdom
Ganesha is the Lord of Obstacles, both of a material and spiritual order. He is popularly worshipped as a remover of obstacles, though traditionally he also places obstacles in the path of those who need to be checked. Paul Courtright says that "his task in the divine scheme of things, his dharma, is to place and remove obstacles. It is his particular territory, the reason for his creation. However, both functions continue to be vital to his character, as Robert Brown explains, "even after the Purāṇic Gaṇeśa is well-defined, in art Gaṇeśa remained predominantly important for his dual role as creator and remover of obstacles, thus having both a negative and a positive aspect"
If you want to do more research on Ganesh, great..for now, I think by combining the elephant/mammoth flashes and Ganesh, I have come up with what I see as something 'good'..a boundary I have crossed I suppose. I'm ok with this. :) :)
More to come later!!
The Crone of Mammoths and Elephants
Sage
It looked very much like this shape, head and leg structure..but without tusks..no tusks. Trunk hanging straight down in front.
And as I said, he was brownish..with lighter colors toward the legs. Looking a little bit more like this guy in coloring.
Remember, I saw this from a front view..as if he and his twin were looking directly at me.
Of course, I opened my eyes in complete shock....asking 'where the fuck did THAT come from'...(blink blink)
Then..when I closed them again..I got a pic of an elephant. Almost identical to this one..just no tusks..and no bushes, trunk up as this one. I don't believe it's ears were as big though.....I saw only what you see in the pic below..a basic head shot from the shoulders up.
After doing a little research about Elephants...here is what I found.
http://www.whats-your-sign.com/elephant-meaning.html (she has more info on her site as well)
Elephant Meanings and Symbolic Thoughts about the Elephant
Symbolic elephant meaning deals primarily with strength, honor, stability and patience, among other attributes.
To the Hindu way of thought, the elephant is found in the form of Ganesha who is the god of luck, fortune, protection and is a blessing upon all new projects. Ganesha in all his magnificently vibrant elephant glory, is intent on bulldozing obstacles on your behalf (funnily, male elephants are termed "bulls").
________________________________________________________________________________
http://www.experiencefestival.com/meaning_of_dreams_about_elephant
Meaning of Dreams about ElephantA selection of articles related to Meaning of Dreams about Elephant:
Dream Interpretation Elephant : The elephant in an emblem of enormous strength, sovereignty, stability and power. Seeing an elephant in the dream indicates that your job is going well and success is guaranteed. Dreaming of an elephant also can be a warning that you need to behave more prudently and be steadfast
Elephant: Elephants in dreams may represent knowledge, power, and strength. They are also associated with long memory and "thick skin." However, depending on the dream’s details, the elephant may be a symbol of a large burden. Additionally, in the dream you may be making efforts to remember something important and of great magnitude.
________________________________________________________________________________
http://www.dreambible.com/animals.html
To dream of an elephant represents sensitivity or issues that makes you very upset when confronted. An elephant may reflect things that hurt your feelings, things that easily anger you, or something that might make you cry.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Now, of course, one cannot look up elephants without "Ganesh' coming into play, so of course, I had to find out some info about "Ganesh" This is a condensed version:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganesha
Ganesha is widely revered as the Remover of Obstacles and more generally as Lord of Beginnings and Lord of Obstacles, patron of arts and sciences, and the deva of intellect and wisdom
Ganesha is the Lord of Obstacles, both of a material and spiritual order. He is popularly worshipped as a remover of obstacles, though traditionally he also places obstacles in the path of those who need to be checked. Paul Courtright says that "his task in the divine scheme of things, his dharma, is to place and remove obstacles. It is his particular territory, the reason for his creation. However, both functions continue to be vital to his character, as Robert Brown explains, "even after the Purāṇic Gaṇeśa is well-defined, in art Gaṇeśa remained predominantly important for his dual role as creator and remover of obstacles, thus having both a negative and a positive aspect"
If you want to do more research on Ganesh, great..for now, I think by combining the elephant/mammoth flashes and Ganesh, I have come up with what I see as something 'good'..a boundary I have crossed I suppose. I'm ok with this. :) :)
More to come later!!
The Crone of Mammoths and Elephants
Sage
A Zebra in Pajamas
As promised, I'm giving an update here. Ohh what a weekend this has been.
First..I've had to spend money I don't have and rack up almost 350$ on my credit card...arghhh! Vet bills.. and second..the Dementor has been true to predictions and true to form and tried again..this time even harder to outsmart me. (it did not work.)
Go back and read THIS post titled "A failed attempt" You will see where I predicted exactly what the future would be and my reaction to it if it ever came about again. ...go ..read, then come back here. I'll wait.
Did you read? good. Now let's get down and dirty.
On Friday, I got off work at 11am...and met up with a girl friend for 'Rita Friday'..something we do every 4 weeks ..
(when you work at the local Sweat Shop..alcohol is a must after 4 weeks..trust me, it's our breathing time.)
So..we sat, we chatted, we drank (2 medium rita's) we ate, we chatted and it was 3pm by the time I headed home. I did one more thing while I was in town..and that was made a trip to the bank. I took my name off Dementors account and had them give me a copy of the sheet showing my name had been removed.
Meanwhile back at the ranch Dementor had arrived home from work, just about 11am..and proceeded to plot his victory speech.
I arrive at the ranch. He was in the bedroom and immediately came out..all happy and smiling. That was my first clue of untrust.
We sat in the living room for a bit, discussed dinner..and maybe drinking some wine. We had general conversation. After about 30 minutes of this, I got up, heading to the kitchen where my purse and the letter from the bank were. I extracted my bank card for his account, cut it in half, stuck it inside the letter and proceeded to walk back into the living room, handing it to him all folded up and said "Here..a present for you."
I let the air out of his sails. His mood dropped a bit. As I sat back down on the couch, I said "I'd appreciate it if you'd would do the same in kind next week please. I figured this would keep you from having to think you have to 'change banks or get a different account."
(what he doesn't know is..I already knew he was looking to change banks..I'm a decent little detective see)
Jump ahead 2 hours.
And that's when it began. He wanted to talk..
For the next two hours, I heard all of my virtues. He started by saying "today while I was on the roof fixing the leak (small leak, near the back door where a rain run off is) I realized I was happy 'working on our home'. I was actually happy and it started to dawn on me how stupid I had been. I realized I had a good women, a nice home, all the comforts I could ask for, a decent job and I was totally taking it for granted."
This is when I KNEW the bullshit was starting to fly. Like I said, for the next two hours, I heard how good of a women I was, how he was wrong, he knew he had a problem with his attitude. He explained to me that in his entire life he could not put two happy days together, he says 'one day I'll be happy and everything is great and the next day it's all shit to me..I cannot connect even two happy days together'...
and so the conversation went. He promised he'd go see a doctor cuz I told him he was depressed or something more. He explained he was always afraid of having to take 'depression pills' because he was afraid they'd make him do something ..like 'go off and shoot people'.
(something was amiss..first off he takes a shit ton of pills already..pain killers, nerve pills, you name it, he takes it..he's not afraid to take a pill..and secondly any idiot knows pills for depression do the opposite of making you 'go off'.......pfft..I was not falling for any of this..my guard was way up)
At any rate, he went on and on and on, talking of his problems and how sorry he was, and how he was wrong. He even wailed about how he had no friends..and I asked "and who's problem is that?" I got the classic "I don't know"..ohhh good gawd...
BUT one of the best parts of the conversation was when he said to me
"You look better since you've started working, you seem happier"
..I looked him dead in the eye and said "Do you want the truth or a lie?" He said 'the truth of course". And here is what I replied:
"I am happier..but it has nothing to do with my job. I hate my job with a passion..but it does me no good to bemoan it every day, I have to do it. I look better and am happier because I don't concern myself with YOU anymore. I don't try to make you happy, and your moods don't affect me any longer. You are not a concern for me anymore, period. Therefore, I am happy."
(the wind went out of his sails a little bit more)
Trust me when I tell you ..for every 'personal complaint he had' I gave him tit for tat and put the ball right back in his court. I stayed on top all evening.
I did not disappoint my fellow crones!
Now, the whole time we've been having this conversation, he's been extremely 'loving'..touching me, scratching my back, running his fingers through my hair..little kisses, the tone of his voice was soft and gentle..he even tried to shed some tears..they were few, but he managed it. And finally it came...the opportunity I was waiting for.
He said he didn't want our marriage over, he was crazy to think he could find anything better and could we please just give it one more shot.
My reply? "I could not give him an answer right now, I'd have to think about it and the reason was..because it won't matter how happy you are today..or how happy I am today, I am afraid the dementor still lives within you and will return at any moment..and that..I will not deal with any longer. I stopped dealing with that the last time you went ape shit and blew up on me..it was over for me then.
(here it comes folks..the final blow) but let me ask you, if I decide to stay in this marriage, then I'm assuming I can give my two weeks notice at work right?"
The next words out of his mouth, let me know that what I suspected about this conversation all along, was true.... He said: "No..you have to keep working."
I replied: "So your telling me, we can keep our marriage intact only if I work, but if I quit, you don't want the marriage".???.............. (ding ding ding..bonus! you've just won an all expense paid trip to GOTCHAville)
The tone of his voice changed..and he said "yes..I even posted that in my online profile, I don't want to support anyone..period."
My reply? "Well, then no..if I have to work, then then answer is NO".
That is when Dementor came back..and that is when I knew there had been so much bullshit coming from his mouth for the last 2 hours I should have offered him some toilet paper and a breath mint! He changed and he no longer extolled on me..he ragged on me. He started bringing up the last three/six months when I had refused to cook him dinner and so on and so on..He could not think of the 4 1/2 years before all that where I cooked, cleaned and catered to him..the same one he just spoke of..now..I was all bad.
I tell you, men are evil...do you hear me..men are evil.
Oh..he did say "well at least we are decent roommates.." I replied back "No..we are not..I get tired of cleaning up behind you, roommates don't do that..each one cleans up after himself".
(he didn't like that either)
He just didn't get it either..."I don't understand, you'll work to live alone, but you won't work for us'..I told him.."I'm working to support me because it's YOU I can't live with..And let me ask you something..do you have all the money you need right now to pay your deposits and such to move">
His reply was 'yes, and if I don't I'll use my credit card'
I said "good, then could we move the date up to May?" Oh my gawd did he get hot..the voice raised, deepened and
Him: "I've been busting my ass for hours to try and convince you ..
at this point..I shut him out..as he slammed his door and retreated to his cave for the night.
(see..at some point in the last week he has mentioned to me 'he didn't want to move his stuff...he had no one to help him and his back wouldn't allow him to pick up most of it..so I think some of this was about..he doesn't want to move his shit!)
I call this a win in my situation. I saw through the bullshit at the very beginning, I didn't let my guard down..but it makes me laugh to think he THOUGHT he could 'win me back' by being the gentle kind person he was ..instead of the monster he has become, when he was really just a zebra wearing nice pajamas. I think it pissed him off to no end that I did not fall for it. I really do..I'm positive of it.
There was much much more in the conversation, but it matters not to me anymore. What matters to me is I saw through his games, he KNOWS I saw through it..he knows his 'time here is over'..He will now, go about his life to find another to abuse for a while. And she too, if she's got a brain in her head will see through him eventually, because I know this..he will not change..ever. He is what he is..a Dementor. Even if you shave a zebra, he is still black and white stripes underneath.
Till next time
The Crone of Zebra shaving,
Sage
First..I've had to spend money I don't have and rack up almost 350$ on my credit card...arghhh! Vet bills.. and second..the Dementor has been true to predictions and true to form and tried again..this time even harder to outsmart me. (it did not work.)
Go back and read THIS post titled "A failed attempt" You will see where I predicted exactly what the future would be and my reaction to it if it ever came about again. ...go ..read, then come back here. I'll wait.
Did you read? good. Now let's get down and dirty.
On Friday, I got off work at 11am...and met up with a girl friend for 'Rita Friday'..something we do every 4 weeks ..
(when you work at the local Sweat Shop..alcohol is a must after 4 weeks..trust me, it's our breathing time.)
So..we sat, we chatted, we drank (2 medium rita's) we ate, we chatted and it was 3pm by the time I headed home. I did one more thing while I was in town..and that was made a trip to the bank. I took my name off Dementors account and had them give me a copy of the sheet showing my name had been removed.
Meanwhile back at the ranch Dementor had arrived home from work, just about 11am..and proceeded to plot his victory speech.
I arrive at the ranch. He was in the bedroom and immediately came out..all happy and smiling. That was my first clue of untrust.
We sat in the living room for a bit, discussed dinner..and maybe drinking some wine. We had general conversation. After about 30 minutes of this, I got up, heading to the kitchen where my purse and the letter from the bank were. I extracted my bank card for his account, cut it in half, stuck it inside the letter and proceeded to walk back into the living room, handing it to him all folded up and said "Here..a present for you."
I let the air out of his sails. His mood dropped a bit. As I sat back down on the couch, I said "I'd appreciate it if you'd would do the same in kind next week please. I figured this would keep you from having to think you have to 'change banks or get a different account."
(what he doesn't know is..I already knew he was looking to change banks..I'm a decent little detective see)
Jump ahead 2 hours.
And that's when it began. He wanted to talk..
For the next two hours, I heard all of my virtues. He started by saying "today while I was on the roof fixing the leak (small leak, near the back door where a rain run off is) I realized I was happy 'working on our home'. I was actually happy and it started to dawn on me how stupid I had been. I realized I had a good women, a nice home, all the comforts I could ask for, a decent job and I was totally taking it for granted."
This is when I KNEW the bullshit was starting to fly. Like I said, for the next two hours, I heard how good of a women I was, how he was wrong, he knew he had a problem with his attitude. He explained to me that in his entire life he could not put two happy days together, he says 'one day I'll be happy and everything is great and the next day it's all shit to me..I cannot connect even two happy days together'...
and so the conversation went. He promised he'd go see a doctor cuz I told him he was depressed or something more. He explained he was always afraid of having to take 'depression pills' because he was afraid they'd make him do something ..like 'go off and shoot people'.
(something was amiss..first off he takes a shit ton of pills already..pain killers, nerve pills, you name it, he takes it..he's not afraid to take a pill..and secondly any idiot knows pills for depression do the opposite of making you 'go off'.......pfft..I was not falling for any of this..my guard was way up)
At any rate, he went on and on and on, talking of his problems and how sorry he was, and how he was wrong. He even wailed about how he had no friends..and I asked "and who's problem is that?" I got the classic "I don't know"..ohhh good gawd...
BUT one of the best parts of the conversation was when he said to me
"You look better since you've started working, you seem happier"
..I looked him dead in the eye and said "Do you want the truth or a lie?" He said 'the truth of course". And here is what I replied:
"I am happier..but it has nothing to do with my job. I hate my job with a passion..but it does me no good to bemoan it every day, I have to do it. I look better and am happier because I don't concern myself with YOU anymore. I don't try to make you happy, and your moods don't affect me any longer. You are not a concern for me anymore, period. Therefore, I am happy."
(the wind went out of his sails a little bit more)
Trust me when I tell you ..for every 'personal complaint he had' I gave him tit for tat and put the ball right back in his court. I stayed on top all evening.
I did not disappoint my fellow crones!
Now, the whole time we've been having this conversation, he's been extremely 'loving'..touching me, scratching my back, running his fingers through my hair..little kisses, the tone of his voice was soft and gentle..he even tried to shed some tears..they were few, but he managed it. And finally it came...the opportunity I was waiting for.
He said he didn't want our marriage over, he was crazy to think he could find anything better and could we please just give it one more shot.
My reply? "I could not give him an answer right now, I'd have to think about it and the reason was..because it won't matter how happy you are today..or how happy I am today, I am afraid the dementor still lives within you and will return at any moment..and that..I will not deal with any longer. I stopped dealing with that the last time you went ape shit and blew up on me..it was over for me then.
(here it comes folks..the final blow) but let me ask you, if I decide to stay in this marriage, then I'm assuming I can give my two weeks notice at work right?"
The next words out of his mouth, let me know that what I suspected about this conversation all along, was true.... He said: "No..you have to keep working."
I replied: "So your telling me, we can keep our marriage intact only if I work, but if I quit, you don't want the marriage".???.............. (ding ding ding..bonus! you've just won an all expense paid trip to GOTCHAville)
The tone of his voice changed..and he said "yes..I even posted that in my online profile, I don't want to support anyone..period."
My reply? "Well, then no..if I have to work, then then answer is NO".
That is when Dementor came back..and that is when I knew there had been so much bullshit coming from his mouth for the last 2 hours I should have offered him some toilet paper and a breath mint! He changed and he no longer extolled on me..he ragged on me. He started bringing up the last three/six months when I had refused to cook him dinner and so on and so on..He could not think of the 4 1/2 years before all that where I cooked, cleaned and catered to him..the same one he just spoke of..now..I was all bad.
I tell you, men are evil...do you hear me..men are evil.
Oh..he did say "well at least we are decent roommates.." I replied back "No..we are not..I get tired of cleaning up behind you, roommates don't do that..each one cleans up after himself".
(he didn't like that either)
He just didn't get it either..."I don't understand, you'll work to live alone, but you won't work for us'..I told him.."I'm working to support me because it's YOU I can't live with..And let me ask you something..do you have all the money you need right now to pay your deposits and such to move">
His reply was 'yes, and if I don't I'll use my credit card'
I said "good, then could we move the date up to May?" Oh my gawd did he get hot..the voice raised, deepened and
Him: "I've been busting my ass for hours to try and convince you ..
at this point..I shut him out..as he slammed his door and retreated to his cave for the night.
(see..at some point in the last week he has mentioned to me 'he didn't want to move his stuff...he had no one to help him and his back wouldn't allow him to pick up most of it..so I think some of this was about..he doesn't want to move his shit!)
I call this a win in my situation. I saw through the bullshit at the very beginning, I didn't let my guard down..but it makes me laugh to think he THOUGHT he could 'win me back' by being the gentle kind person he was ..instead of the monster he has become, when he was really just a zebra wearing nice pajamas. I think it pissed him off to no end that I did not fall for it. I really do..I'm positive of it.
There was much much more in the conversation, but it matters not to me anymore. What matters to me is I saw through his games, he KNOWS I saw through it..he knows his 'time here is over'..He will now, go about his life to find another to abuse for a while. And she too, if she's got a brain in her head will see through him eventually, because I know this..he will not change..ever. He is what he is..a Dementor. Even if you shave a zebra, he is still black and white stripes underneath.
Till next time
The Crone of Zebra shaving,
Sage
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Grass Meditation
FRIDAY:
Ahhh the week is finally over! It was all in all a pretty short week, or so it seemed. I've got 2 1/2 days to relax and do some things about the house..and I'm glad of it.
When I got home yesterday I jumped on the lawnmower and mowed the front yard. (Much to Dementors surprise). He is going to have to remember, I did all those things before he came along..I can and will do them again with his departure.
When I got home today, he was on the phone (since he hadn't left for his 'class' yet)..I heard him laughing from the bedroom as I came in the backdoor. Soooo I gave Dementor a dose of his own medicine..and asked him "who was on the phone?" The first words out of his mouth were 'huh?" as if he didn't hear me..and I was standing right next to him when I said it. This tells me one of two things EITHER:..one..what I was getting ready to hear was a lie..or two..he didn't want me to know. (this was his 'classic go to: "huh" when he needed a second to think of something quick!) Either way, it matters not to me..really. He said it was a 'recruiter' (for jobs)..and that he could pretty much get a job anywhere he wanted right now for him to 'pick a state'.
Good..great..this says 'you are leaving' and by the by, just so you'll know..after our previous conversation where I specifically said "NO" to his 'lets try again' routine..he has not been the least bit 'affectionate' like he was. I'm GLAD of it too! He'd come up behind me, hug me..kiss my cheek..kiss me goodbye every day..and quite frankly..I didn't 'return' in kind..and didn't want what he was offering. I guess you could say he didn't fight too hard to keep the marriage either did he? Asked me once and gave up. HA! Good thing too, cuz nothing would have worked anyway.
Sure the idea of going to work everyday to support myself is not my idea of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, but alas, that is less of an evil then living in Dementor hell for the rest of it.
I've never been so ready to just 'move on'. Seriously.
I have done some meditations for the past few days..first thing in the morning, on the way to work, on the way home from work..just simple thought processes and relaxing the mind a bit. It has helped me to become clearer in a few things.
I was really starting to get 'wound up' over Dementors constant presence and lack of 'care' for his things, his trash, his mess that I was starting to stress over it. The meditation is allowing me to move past that and start thinking of the future. More importantly, to start thinking differently about the here and now.
I realized I was still walking on egg shells around him..(and I probably will to a degree until he's gone) but I was allowing him to still 'rule' what I did..and that cannot go on any longer...Period.
As of yesterday (Thursday) I began to 'live life according the world of Sage' again. (that was what the mowing the grass was all about! and another opportunity to think/meditate)
Today..I took the red zoom zoom downtown to get the chicken feed and when I got home, I cleaned all his stuff out of it. It's my car, I took it back.
This weekend, I have plans for a few other things as well. Tonight I may start mowing the back yard, if I don't..I'll do it first thing in the AM. (he usually sleeps late!). I'll be cleaning out the chicken coop (it's yearly 'wash' down. I plan on washing the blue zoom zoom and putting it where Dementor used to keep his boat..under cover. I also plan on cleaning up the red zoom zoom a bit and adding a cover for the back where the seats are tearing up so it's not visible. I have a walmart run to make and am HIGHLY considering buying some 'paint' and next weekend, painting the red zoom zoom. YEP! You heard that right.
The back half of the red zoom zoom has lost it's clear coat and I'm just in the mood to take the air brush I have and buy some car paint (high gloss red) and give it a shot. Hell..what have I got to loose..it couldn't look too much worse then it already does!
**UPDATE:
The above section was written on Friday afternoon..it is now, very early on Saturday morning. Since then, we have had two hellacious thunderstorms, one on Friday on the way to town and one just about 1/2 hour ago.
So let's discuss what happened last night.
Dementor called and said he was done with class and was on his way home, 'lets go get some dinner'..so as we are leaving for dinner, a storm rolls in...ohmygawd it was raining so hard, it was almost impossible to see to get into town..anyway..we had dinner and took the walmart run. I picked up the dog food I needed and home we headed. I casually started a conversation about 'boxes'..mentioning the one I put in his bedroom was not as big as it looked, but it was free so"...and then I led into this "oh and by the way..the other day you said 'I can leave any time'..I took that as a veiled threat, so I'm telling you now, you CAN leave anytime." He said "Are you trying to tell me something?"..my reply? "uhmm yeah..maybe I am". I'm just saying do not feel obligated to stay until July 1..you don't have to, I'll be fine. I truly expect you to leave in May..honestly, but if you want to go before that..I'm ok with that too."
He didn't say much.
But, I did find out through further conversation that he is kinda biding his time because he would like to find a job in another state. This takes a while. I also found out he already knows where he's going to move to if he stays here..he's already been to the apartment complex and talked to them. It's right next to his job..literally so he would either walk or ride a bike to work cutting his work gas to zero (his words).
Hmm..funny what you find out. Now that I know that..GO do you hear me just GO!
We ended up discussing filing taxes next year, he THOUGHT we were going to file married again, I said 'uhm no'...we don't have to as long as we are separated and I don't intend to. He tried to explain how it would be cheaper if we did..and I agreed, but I also informed him, that I had already filled out my forms as 'single separated' and had no intentions of trying to hunt him down should he be in another state to file taxes for this year, it's just easier to cut it and roll with it. He said nothing more.
He's very tight lipped with his side of things, he really is. There are things we have to discuss you know..gee..what is his problem. Either way..what's good for the goose is good for the gander ..so I'll be tight lipped on this end as well.
Maybe I can hope that one day he'll just disappear in the night! POOOF..be gone!
Till next time
The Crone of wishing her wand would POOF!
Sage
Ahhh the week is finally over! It was all in all a pretty short week, or so it seemed. I've got 2 1/2 days to relax and do some things about the house..and I'm glad of it.
When I got home yesterday I jumped on the lawnmower and mowed the front yard. (Much to Dementors surprise). He is going to have to remember, I did all those things before he came along..I can and will do them again with his departure.
When I got home today, he was on the phone (since he hadn't left for his 'class' yet)..I heard him laughing from the bedroom as I came in the backdoor. Soooo I gave Dementor a dose of his own medicine..and asked him "who was on the phone?" The first words out of his mouth were 'huh?" as if he didn't hear me..and I was standing right next to him when I said it. This tells me one of two things EITHER:..one..what I was getting ready to hear was a lie..or two..he didn't want me to know. (this was his 'classic go to: "huh" when he needed a second to think of something quick!) Either way, it matters not to me..really. He said it was a 'recruiter' (for jobs)..and that he could pretty much get a job anywhere he wanted right now for him to 'pick a state'.
Good..great..this says 'you are leaving' and by the by, just so you'll know..after our previous conversation where I specifically said "NO" to his 'lets try again' routine..he has not been the least bit 'affectionate' like he was. I'm GLAD of it too! He'd come up behind me, hug me..kiss my cheek..kiss me goodbye every day..and quite frankly..I didn't 'return' in kind..and didn't want what he was offering. I guess you could say he didn't fight too hard to keep the marriage either did he? Asked me once and gave up. HA! Good thing too, cuz nothing would have worked anyway.
Sure the idea of going to work everyday to support myself is not my idea of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, but alas, that is less of an evil then living in Dementor hell for the rest of it.
I've never been so ready to just 'move on'. Seriously.
I have done some meditations for the past few days..first thing in the morning, on the way to work, on the way home from work..just simple thought processes and relaxing the mind a bit. It has helped me to become clearer in a few things.
I was really starting to get 'wound up' over Dementors constant presence and lack of 'care' for his things, his trash, his mess that I was starting to stress over it. The meditation is allowing me to move past that and start thinking of the future. More importantly, to start thinking differently about the here and now.
I realized I was still walking on egg shells around him..(and I probably will to a degree until he's gone) but I was allowing him to still 'rule' what I did..and that cannot go on any longer...Period.
As of yesterday (Thursday) I began to 'live life according the world of Sage' again. (that was what the mowing the grass was all about! and another opportunity to think/meditate)
Today..I took the red zoom zoom downtown to get the chicken feed and when I got home, I cleaned all his stuff out of it. It's my car, I took it back.
This weekend, I have plans for a few other things as well. Tonight I may start mowing the back yard, if I don't..I'll do it first thing in the AM. (he usually sleeps late!). I'll be cleaning out the chicken coop (it's yearly 'wash' down. I plan on washing the blue zoom zoom and putting it where Dementor used to keep his boat..under cover. I also plan on cleaning up the red zoom zoom a bit and adding a cover for the back where the seats are tearing up so it's not visible. I have a walmart run to make and am HIGHLY considering buying some 'paint' and next weekend, painting the red zoom zoom. YEP! You heard that right.
The back half of the red zoom zoom has lost it's clear coat and I'm just in the mood to take the air brush I have and buy some car paint (high gloss red) and give it a shot. Hell..what have I got to loose..it couldn't look too much worse then it already does!
**UPDATE:
The above section was written on Friday afternoon..it is now, very early on Saturday morning. Since then, we have had two hellacious thunderstorms, one on Friday on the way to town and one just about 1/2 hour ago.
So let's discuss what happened last night.
Dementor called and said he was done with class and was on his way home, 'lets go get some dinner'..so as we are leaving for dinner, a storm rolls in...ohmygawd it was raining so hard, it was almost impossible to see to get into town..anyway..we had dinner and took the walmart run. I picked up the dog food I needed and home we headed. I casually started a conversation about 'boxes'..mentioning the one I put in his bedroom was not as big as it looked, but it was free so"...and then I led into this "oh and by the way..the other day you said 'I can leave any time'..I took that as a veiled threat, so I'm telling you now, you CAN leave anytime." He said "Are you trying to tell me something?"..my reply? "uhmm yeah..maybe I am". I'm just saying do not feel obligated to stay until July 1..you don't have to, I'll be fine. I truly expect you to leave in May..honestly, but if you want to go before that..I'm ok with that too."
He didn't say much.
But, I did find out through further conversation that he is kinda biding his time because he would like to find a job in another state. This takes a while. I also found out he already knows where he's going to move to if he stays here..he's already been to the apartment complex and talked to them. It's right next to his job..literally so he would either walk or ride a bike to work cutting his work gas to zero (his words).
Hmm..funny what you find out. Now that I know that..GO do you hear me just GO!
We ended up discussing filing taxes next year, he THOUGHT we were going to file married again, I said 'uhm no'...we don't have to as long as we are separated and I don't intend to. He tried to explain how it would be cheaper if we did..and I agreed, but I also informed him, that I had already filled out my forms as 'single separated' and had no intentions of trying to hunt him down should he be in another state to file taxes for this year, it's just easier to cut it and roll with it. He said nothing more.
He's very tight lipped with his side of things, he really is. There are things we have to discuss you know..gee..what is his problem. Either way..what's good for the goose is good for the gander ..so I'll be tight lipped on this end as well.
Maybe I can hope that one day he'll just disappear in the night! POOOF..be gone!
Till next time
The Crone of wishing her wand would POOF!
Sage
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
HUMP DAY again..
Here it is Wednesday ..the official "Hump Day". I actually almost view Tuesday as hump day because I only have to work 4 hours on Fridays, but I still have to go to work..and do the normal morning routine so..yeah..it's Hump Day!
As promised, I brought home Dementor a box to 'help him OUT" literally. It's in his bedroom waiting for his arrival..(hehehe) too bad it will be 2 AM and I won't see the look on his face!
I also took both the Mazda keys and left his truck keys on his dresser. If he still doesn't see the light soon, then I'll also leave him my bank card to 'his' account. That should be a ticket for him..or at least a big clue!
His schedule this week has changed, (temporarily) he's been having to be at work at 1 for classes until 5, then working till 1. This means, that every day when I get up, he's cloistered in the bedroom sleeping (home at 2 am) and when I come home from work, he is already gone. Haven't seen him since Sunday night. This has been a good thing..I've enjoyed it. I could have enjoyed it more if his shit was gone and I was spending each evening doing what I need to do here in the house to make it my own again...I soo wish!
At any rate, life goes on..I wanted to update you on my chaotic, flight plan waiting life! Nothing new, and not much to tell...life goes on.and so does the wait!
(I just can't wait to see what he says about the keys and the box!)
Till next time
The Crone of boxes and holding patterns
Sage
As promised, I brought home Dementor a box to 'help him OUT" literally. It's in his bedroom waiting for his arrival..(hehehe) too bad it will be 2 AM and I won't see the look on his face!
I also took both the Mazda keys and left his truck keys on his dresser. If he still doesn't see the light soon, then I'll also leave him my bank card to 'his' account. That should be a ticket for him..or at least a big clue!
His schedule this week has changed, (temporarily) he's been having to be at work at 1 for classes until 5, then working till 1. This means, that every day when I get up, he's cloistered in the bedroom sleeping (home at 2 am) and when I come home from work, he is already gone. Haven't seen him since Sunday night. This has been a good thing..I've enjoyed it. I could have enjoyed it more if his shit was gone and I was spending each evening doing what I need to do here in the house to make it my own again...I soo wish!
At any rate, life goes on..I wanted to update you on my chaotic, flight plan waiting life! Nothing new, and not much to tell...life goes on.and so does the wait!
(I just can't wait to see what he says about the keys and the box!)
Till next time
The Crone of boxes and holding patterns
Sage
Monday, March 12, 2012
Duh..roommate you idiot!
You know..don't read this if you're in a good mood. I WAS in a good mood..was being the key word here.
Let me recap some interesting events for you..as you know from a previous post, Dementor wanted to 'save the marriage cuz we were getting along so well now'..and as most of you know, *I* know it's because most of the bills are nearly paid off (meaning my car) and I'm buying my own EVERYTHING..even as much as half the bills that I can muster at this point..so..it's all about money. Besides all that, like I said before, we get along now because we don't SEE each other.
Suffice it to say, Dementor has yet to see the light..that this marriage has been done for 6 months or better (I figure as long as I've been sleeping on the sofa!) and there is no going back at this point, too much water under the bridge and all that jazz. We decided months ago that he would leave July 1..now...if these things don't mean the marriage is over and we are currently living as roommates, then I don't know what does!!!
DAMNIT all to hell..does he not know what 'roommates' means?
Perfect example: Last night. Last night we prepared our dinner 'together' so to speak. He grilled the steaks and I got most everything else ready inside the house. I set the table, heated the noodle dish, finished up the salads he had started, opened the wine and poured..he started the salads and got most of them done, and grilled the steaks. THIS is what ROOMMATES do..they work TOGETHER on something right?
Well, herein lies the difference. When dinner was over, he took his plate to the kitchen sink. I made a comment (Ohh silly me) "Gee..I wouldn't have done that..I'd have taken yours too" he replied back "you haven't picked up my plate in months (which is a lie, and moot for the topic) It pissed me off immediately though, because I have picked up his plate, I've washed his dishes, I've picked up after him..all VERY RECENTLY! So..in my anger I said 'Well, fine, you can put yours in the dishwasher then!" and proceeded to put my dishes in the dishwasher and clean up the remainder of the kitchen. I left him, one plate, one bowl, and the tongs he used to flip the steaks to simply put in the dishwasher..did he? NO. Not last night, not this morning, not today. His wine glass is on the counter too, along with his coffee cup from this morning.
ARGHHHHHHHH!!!
I just want to scream!!!!
Does this man not understand what 'roommates' live like?? The answer must be a resounding NO!
Then it dawned on me. The only roommate that I know of that he has ever had (besides one girl/friend roommate that didn't last long....according to him) was his MOTHER!
That's right, you read that correct.
Before we got married (and I do believe this is WHY he decided to get married, I really do) but before we got married, his only roommate was his mother. She moved out about a year or less before we met.
HIS MOTHER..do you hear me!!! She lived with him in his apartment for a while, not sure how long, but of course, she did all the cleaning, cooking and cleaning up after his ass. I swear to you, that's the reason he wanted to marry, because he missed the maid service!
Of course, with his mother as a roommate, he never had to do his own dishes, or pick up his own shit (except for a short time before meeting me) SHE did it all. He is clueless as to what ROOMATES do!
He truly expects me to continue being the 'housewife' while I'm working and we are in the process of divorcing! WTF!????
Now, here comes the hard part. This is my house. I have already let some things 'go' simply because I don't think I should have to do them alone, and because if *I* do them..he benefits from it as well, and well..gee..that doesn't sit well with me ya know.
I'll grant you, he has cleaned his own room and bathroom (once in 6 months mind you..ONCE) and he has vacuumed the floor in the main area of the house once or twice and he has emptied the dishwasher once or twice since we called it quits (wow..once or twice in what? 5-6 months..gee..how considerate huh?) And he has taken out the trash and done the dump runs.
Anyway, back to the hard part..do I say something to him..or do I just do the shit and let it go?
If I say something, I risk the 'old dementor' raising his ugly head and throwing a temper tantrum..which I am in no mood to ever see or hear again.
If I don't say anything, then I must 'clean up' his shit until his departure. (which is probably easier then the previously mentioned scenario)..but PISSES ME OFF TO THE BITTER END!
My house has already 'gone to pot' in my book! I can't seem to 'do' any of the things I want to do because of his presence. I know that sounds crazy, but I can't decorate the way I want, till he's gone. I can't arrange the furniture the way I want till his shit is gone. I want to super clean..but I want to super clean to get rid of 'HIM" and I can't do that till after he's gone. So...in my book...my house has already gone to pot and I'm simply waiting for the time alone (permanently) to 'clean it up and rid myself and this house of his 'dementorism" ...I certainly can't rid the house of it till he's gone. Would be a waste of my energy.
(sigh)
Ok...I've decided it's time for another circle...to do nothing more then calm my nerves (pissed off ones) and to ask for that guidance again. Something has got to give.
The Crone of Not your mother roommate status
Sage
Let me recap some interesting events for you..as you know from a previous post, Dementor wanted to 'save the marriage cuz we were getting along so well now'..and as most of you know, *I* know it's because most of the bills are nearly paid off (meaning my car) and I'm buying my own EVERYTHING..even as much as half the bills that I can muster at this point..so..it's all about money. Besides all that, like I said before, we get along now because we don't SEE each other.
Suffice it to say, Dementor has yet to see the light..that this marriage has been done for 6 months or better (I figure as long as I've been sleeping on the sofa!) and there is no going back at this point, too much water under the bridge and all that jazz. We decided months ago that he would leave July 1..now...if these things don't mean the marriage is over and we are currently living as roommates, then I don't know what does!!!
DAMNIT all to hell..does he not know what 'roommates' means?
Perfect example: Last night. Last night we prepared our dinner 'together' so to speak. He grilled the steaks and I got most everything else ready inside the house. I set the table, heated the noodle dish, finished up the salads he had started, opened the wine and poured..he started the salads and got most of them done, and grilled the steaks. THIS is what ROOMMATES do..they work TOGETHER on something right?
Well, herein lies the difference. When dinner was over, he took his plate to the kitchen sink. I made a comment (Ohh silly me) "Gee..I wouldn't have done that..I'd have taken yours too" he replied back "you haven't picked up my plate in months (which is a lie, and moot for the topic) It pissed me off immediately though, because I have picked up his plate, I've washed his dishes, I've picked up after him..all VERY RECENTLY! So..in my anger I said 'Well, fine, you can put yours in the dishwasher then!" and proceeded to put my dishes in the dishwasher and clean up the remainder of the kitchen. I left him, one plate, one bowl, and the tongs he used to flip the steaks to simply put in the dishwasher..did he? NO. Not last night, not this morning, not today. His wine glass is on the counter too, along with his coffee cup from this morning.
ARGHHHHHHHH!!!
I just want to scream!!!!
Does this man not understand what 'roommates' live like?? The answer must be a resounding NO!
Then it dawned on me. The only roommate that I know of that he has ever had (besides one girl/friend roommate that didn't last long....according to him) was his MOTHER!
That's right, you read that correct.
Before we got married (and I do believe this is WHY he decided to get married, I really do) but before we got married, his only roommate was his mother. She moved out about a year or less before we met.
HIS MOTHER..do you hear me!!! She lived with him in his apartment for a while, not sure how long, but of course, she did all the cleaning, cooking and cleaning up after his ass. I swear to you, that's the reason he wanted to marry, because he missed the maid service!
Of course, with his mother as a roommate, he never had to do his own dishes, or pick up his own shit (except for a short time before meeting me) SHE did it all. He is clueless as to what ROOMATES do!
He truly expects me to continue being the 'housewife' while I'm working and we are in the process of divorcing! WTF!????
Now, here comes the hard part. This is my house. I have already let some things 'go' simply because I don't think I should have to do them alone, and because if *I* do them..he benefits from it as well, and well..gee..that doesn't sit well with me ya know.
I'll grant you, he has cleaned his own room and bathroom (once in 6 months mind you..ONCE) and he has vacuumed the floor in the main area of the house once or twice and he has emptied the dishwasher once or twice since we called it quits (wow..once or twice in what? 5-6 months..gee..how considerate huh?) And he has taken out the trash and done the dump runs.
Anyway, back to the hard part..do I say something to him..or do I just do the shit and let it go?
If I say something, I risk the 'old dementor' raising his ugly head and throwing a temper tantrum..which I am in no mood to ever see or hear again.
If I don't say anything, then I must 'clean up' his shit until his departure. (which is probably easier then the previously mentioned scenario)..but PISSES ME OFF TO THE BITTER END!
My house has already 'gone to pot' in my book! I can't seem to 'do' any of the things I want to do because of his presence. I know that sounds crazy, but I can't decorate the way I want, till he's gone. I can't arrange the furniture the way I want till his shit is gone. I want to super clean..but I want to super clean to get rid of 'HIM" and I can't do that till after he's gone. So...in my book...my house has already gone to pot and I'm simply waiting for the time alone (permanently) to 'clean it up and rid myself and this house of his 'dementorism" ...I certainly can't rid the house of it till he's gone. Would be a waste of my energy.
(sigh)
Ok...I've decided it's time for another circle...to do nothing more then calm my nerves (pissed off ones) and to ask for that guidance again. Something has got to give.
The Crone of Not your mother roommate status
Sage
Sunday, March 11, 2012
A Failed attempt
Another week has come and gone..work sucks, but doesn't. Figure that one out!
What it means is..I hate the day to day idea that I have to go to work. Work itself hasn't been horrible.
All that said, there is a measure of independence gained from working everyday that will eventually pan out to be mine. I hope.
Work is a physical workout for me most days (at least 3-4x's a week)..just the other day, I ended up doing 150 deep knee bends. (give or take) WTH? Yep, legs were sore for 2 days after, but hey..I'm getting exercise at the same time I'm making money, so it's all good. I'm pretty sure, if my scales are correct, I've dropped just at 13-14 lbs since going to work. This too is a good thing.
The recent charades with Dementor have been enlightening if nothing else. He's of course, been Mr. Wonderful since I've gone to work. (minus a few days of sickness and family visits)
I remember when this all started, I told one of 5 what the future would be. Here is what I said:
What it means is..I hate the day to day idea that I have to go to work. Work itself hasn't been horrible.
All that said, there is a measure of independence gained from working everyday that will eventually pan out to be mine. I hope.
Work is a physical workout for me most days (at least 3-4x's a week)..just the other day, I ended up doing 150 deep knee bends. (give or take) WTH? Yep, legs were sore for 2 days after, but hey..I'm getting exercise at the same time I'm making money, so it's all good. I'm pretty sure, if my scales are correct, I've dropped just at 13-14 lbs since going to work. This too is a good thing.
The recent charades with Dementor have been enlightening if nothing else. He's of course, been Mr. Wonderful since I've gone to work. (minus a few days of sickness and family visits)
I remember when this all started, I told one of 5 what the future would be. Here is what I said:
"You wait...what's going to happen is, as soon as I've got my car almost paid off and a few other things to boot, and can afford 'living by myself'..he'll say "well let's try this marriage thing out"...you watch and see."
Yesterday..was that day.
I owe 550$ left on my car, and have started giving him 1/2 of the bills I can afford (let's not mention that he's asked for 1/2 of other bills that I can't quite afford yet too!)
So yesterday morning, I was casually chatting about the 'shut down' that work has in July and that I would only get 1/2 a check and it was gonna hurt. He asked my why. I replied "because I'll be paying all the bills by then that's why!" (what came next..did NOT even surprise me) He looked at me and said "Well, I don't have to leave in July..I just might not." I sat for about 1 second and said.."oh no..you know we decided July 1 was the date!" To my utter surprise again, he played dumb..asking if we had really decided on that date and he was unaware. Immediately I went into 'don't play me for a fool mode' and told him 'not to play dumb, he knew exactly when the date was and what we had decided on'. He realized then that his games of making 'ME" feel stupid were no longer valid. The next thing out of his mouth was "well, I just figured since we were doing so well now we might give this marriage a shot".
(GASP!...heart attack!)
(GASP!...heart attack!)
My mind went to racing.."oh sure, now that I'm working my ass off and making money so that you can afford all the luxuries YOU want..and still asking me for 1/2 the bills..and now that my car is nearly paid for..and jees..we get along so well now because we barely see each other.." and then..I shut my mind off and simply said "I asked you that very thing....TWICE!..Gave you the option of trying this marriage out for one year. The first time I asked you you said "I'm better off alone'...and the second time you gave me no answer, so to use YOUR words: "I'M better off alone, the answer is no!" He went into 'saving grace' attitude of course and came back with 'I really just wanted to 'think about it'...I repeated "I'm better off alone".
Has this dissuaded him? no.. He's still acting like Mr. Wonderful..he still thinks we are 'going to make a go of it. This man is delusional. I mean really.
Here is what I wish I had said instead: Once he said 'I thought we might make a go of this marriage'..I really should have said "OHH GREAT! I'll quit my job on Monday!" What do you want to bet, he would have changed his tune and in a hurry too? And I may do just that at some point in time....then we'll see he's really just doing it for money.
And let me tell you, he's laying it on thick too. Buying me wine..which he NEVER did before. Buying food just for me..filling the kitchen with groceries..jeesus-kerrist! He really does take me for the fool.
Wait till next week, when I bring him home boxes for him to pack his shit in..then I am SURE he'll try one more time! Bet ya nickels to dimes he will. I'll let ya know!
In my book, too much water has gone under the bridge.. He doesn't like the way my kids and I talk ..he doesn't really seem to like my kids...or my family. These two things weigh very heavy on my decision to say 'no' to a continuation of the marriage. VERY HEAVY. He says I'm bossy..and so on and so on. These things mean a lot in my book. Not to mention the rages he gets into. Yeah..I think 'NO" is the answer here. "I'm better off alone"
Nuff of that.
Onto redecorating the bedroom. I've picked up some pieces via the thrift store here and there with my redecorating theme in mind. A new bedskirt that I hope will fit a queen set, if it doesn't, I'll use the skirt as part of the curtain make over. A few pieces of material to make throw pillows ..pretty stuff, all Moroccan/Bohemian in style. Deep earth tones/reds/yellow/gold/browns. I'll toss in the blue with some of the accessories that I already have. Total cost so far..11$. I still haven't decided on a wall color yet, that will come soon. Maybe after I go 'into' the room and look about, but right now..I avoid the room. It's HIS room currently.
Monday is my first day as a permanent employee, I am no longer a temp...this is good. My pay will go to about 10$ an hour. This is a very good thing, since somewhere in the conversation above Dementor said "Well, I can leave anytime"...(blink blink) does he think I care? One of 5 said this was a 'threat' and she's probably right..it was. I guess he'd have been shocked if I said 'go'..it doesn't matter to me.
Dementor has no idea that Monday is my first day as a permanent employee either. I told him the original date..as March 26..and never corrected it... I want to keep it that way. My goal is to get about a months worth of bills socked away into the savings account before his departure..if I make it great..if I don't..that's fine too. I'll manage. I did before he arrived, I can do it after he leaves. I'm determined at this point.
Gas is my biggest ass kicker right now..I mean seriously?? WTH is gas so damned high? I'm paying nearly 4$ a gallon for the blue zoom zoom..I'll be switching to the red zoom zoom next week, it's better on gas and uses the cheaper stuff. Might as well do it while it's cool enough since the red zoom zoom doesn't have any air conditioning!
I've got about 4 years left to pay on my house, I hope between the two cars, they will last that long, then..I'll buy a new car, sell the red zoom zoom..keep the blue zoom zoom..that's the plan at least, let's hope it pans out.
So,that's my update for this week. It's time for me to be off and doing some house work. My weekly laundry is already done and now it's time to clean the kitchen. I'll be giving it a good once over today in hopes that it will stay clean for the upcoming week. Dementor hasn't been helping too much in that area lately....another reason to say 'no' huh? LOL..till next time!
The Crone of Deep Knee Bends
Sage
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Creeping Crude, Physical exhaustion and Pooh Bear
The day has passed and I've arrived home to find it lacking a Dementor. This was nice. :)
Today at the Sweat Shop, I think I finally reached complete physical exhaustion. Yep..I'm pretty sure I did.
After coming down with Dementor's crude..yeah, that same nasty chest cold he had ended up spreading to me and to all the grands. I guess his germs were oozing about the house while everyone was here visiting and well, everyone caught it. (sigh)
It's almost over for me, but I got sent home 1/2 a day from work on Tuesday..with a temp of 101 that night. The symptoms began pretty hard and heavy on Sunday..I worked on Monday feeling like a piece of warmed over crap and by Tuesday, I was dried up crap.
Oh yeah..So I came home and drugged myself beyond recognition with Nyquil and slept till the following morning. Wednesday I was simply crap..better then the dried crap of the day before, but not 100% by a long shot.
It seems though, that on Wednesday, Atilla decided to put the screws to everyone and worked us nearly to death. (She did this on Tuesday too, but I only suffered 4 1/2 hours of it). This barrage of 'work work work' followed us into Thursday so that by this afternoon all of us were worn thin and weak.
I could barely make it home..it took a great amount of effort just to plunge the clutch of the Zoom Zoom to the floor to switch gears.
I think I must have walked 1000 miles at work today, up and down, up and down pulling fabric for stripes.
Oh gawd, I'll probably dream of red and white striping tonight..I'm sure of it.
I heaved and hauled 250 yard rolls of heavy material to make said stripes too. I hauled 'sheets' of 'fields' to the sewing table to be hemmed toward the end of the day and I swear to you, If I'd have had to haul, load, lift or carry one more thing, I'd have fallen out. I had no muscle left.
All this while on the later end of being very ill, does not bode well for the body...
There is a good side to all this physical labor I've been subjected to recently..I've dropped 10 lbs.
All the ladies there tell me, that within their first 3 months of working their they all dropped a good bit of weight..usually between 30-50 lbs.
This could be a good thing, not to mention that it will get me back into better 'shape'.
Even though I consider round a shape already damnit!
I had an odd menopausal moment this morning. Actually it was more like 10 moments..but who's counting?
I'm on my way to the bathroom for the upteenth time and something made me think of my step kids. (Dementors children)
He has two, one boy, one girl and for the life of me..my menopausal moment hit and I could not..and I mean COULD NOT remember his sons name!
OHMYGAWD!
WTH was wrong with me?? My brain actually could not recall, could not function..could not..THINK of what that childs name was.
So there I sat on the toilet wracking my seemingly addled brain, trying to remember.
You have to picture a short fat women..sitting on the pot...with a look of utter despair on her face trying desperately to accomplish something.
Looking more like Pooh Bear mumbling 'think think think..then doing the pooh that I needed to do! Jessuscheerist! what was wrong with me?
It took me almost 8 minutes to finally recall his name. I felt foolish and old. I felt dumb. I felt menopausal. Egads, I felt like I was loosing my marbles. I finished my Pooh Bear routine with a sense of......semi accomplishment.
Yeah, I had finally remembered his name..but the mere fact that I had forgotten it was enough to make one pause and..worry.
I'm seriously considering vitamins...but vitamins don't contain hormones, which is what is lacking, so one really has to ask..why bother? If you take vitamins to help improve your memory, but menopause makes you go crazy and take it away anyway..why bother??
I mean jees.
Either way, my menopausal moment was over, the memory returned (even if only momentarily) and work began. Off to the sweat shop I went to learn of physical exhaustion. So tonight, here I sit..1/2 a muscle relaxer down as I wait for it to take effect and make me sleep.
The day is over and tomorrow is still ahead.
I do have one good thing to look forward to, tomorrow is a short day..we are only there for 4 hours and Atilla is on a mini vacation. She won't be there.
Thank the gods!
The bad part about tomorrow..? Dementor is off and doesn't have to work all weekend. So it is his company I will have to suffer through for 2 1/2 days.
Does it ever end?
This flight plan is starting to suck....
The Crone of the 'not so honey honey pot'
Sage
Today at the Sweat Shop, I think I finally reached complete physical exhaustion. Yep..I'm pretty sure I did.
After coming down with Dementor's crude..yeah, that same nasty chest cold he had ended up spreading to me and to all the grands. I guess his germs were oozing about the house while everyone was here visiting and well, everyone caught it. (sigh)
It's almost over for me, but I got sent home 1/2 a day from work on Tuesday..with a temp of 101 that night. The symptoms began pretty hard and heavy on Sunday..I worked on Monday feeling like a piece of warmed over crap and by Tuesday, I was dried up crap.
Oh yeah..So I came home and drugged myself beyond recognition with Nyquil and slept till the following morning. Wednesday I was simply crap..better then the dried crap of the day before, but not 100% by a long shot.
It seems though, that on Wednesday, Atilla decided to put the screws to everyone and worked us nearly to death. (She did this on Tuesday too, but I only suffered 4 1/2 hours of it). This barrage of 'work work work' followed us into Thursday so that by this afternoon all of us were worn thin and weak.
I could barely make it home..it took a great amount of effort just to plunge the clutch of the Zoom Zoom to the floor to switch gears.
I think I must have walked 1000 miles at work today, up and down, up and down pulling fabric for stripes.
Oh gawd, I'll probably dream of red and white striping tonight..I'm sure of it.
I heaved and hauled 250 yard rolls of heavy material to make said stripes too. I hauled 'sheets' of 'fields' to the sewing table to be hemmed toward the end of the day and I swear to you, If I'd have had to haul, load, lift or carry one more thing, I'd have fallen out. I had no muscle left.
All this while on the later end of being very ill, does not bode well for the body...
There is a good side to all this physical labor I've been subjected to recently..I've dropped 10 lbs.
All the ladies there tell me, that within their first 3 months of working their they all dropped a good bit of weight..usually between 30-50 lbs.
This could be a good thing, not to mention that it will get me back into better 'shape'.
Even though I consider round a shape already damnit!
I had an odd menopausal moment this morning. Actually it was more like 10 moments..but who's counting?
I'm on my way to the bathroom for the upteenth time and something made me think of my step kids. (Dementors children)
He has two, one boy, one girl and for the life of me..my menopausal moment hit and I could not..and I mean COULD NOT remember his sons name!
OHMYGAWD!
WTH was wrong with me?? My brain actually could not recall, could not function..could not..THINK of what that childs name was.
So there I sat on the toilet wracking my seemingly addled brain, trying to remember.
You have to picture a short fat women..sitting on the pot...with a look of utter despair on her face trying desperately to accomplish something.
Looking more like Pooh Bear mumbling 'think think think..then doing the pooh that I needed to do! Jessuscheerist! what was wrong with me?
It took me almost 8 minutes to finally recall his name. I felt foolish and old. I felt dumb. I felt menopausal. Egads, I felt like I was loosing my marbles. I finished my Pooh Bear routine with a sense of......semi accomplishment.
Yeah, I had finally remembered his name..but the mere fact that I had forgotten it was enough to make one pause and..worry.
I'm seriously considering vitamins...but vitamins don't contain hormones, which is what is lacking, so one really has to ask..why bother? If you take vitamins to help improve your memory, but menopause makes you go crazy and take it away anyway..why bother??
I mean jees.
Either way, my menopausal moment was over, the memory returned (even if only momentarily) and work began. Off to the sweat shop I went to learn of physical exhaustion. So tonight, here I sit..1/2 a muscle relaxer down as I wait for it to take effect and make me sleep.
The day is over and tomorrow is still ahead.
I do have one good thing to look forward to, tomorrow is a short day..we are only there for 4 hours and Atilla is on a mini vacation. She won't be there.
Thank the gods!
The bad part about tomorrow..? Dementor is off and doesn't have to work all weekend. So it is his company I will have to suffer through for 2 1/2 days.
Does it ever end?
This flight plan is starting to suck....
The Crone of the 'not so honey honey pot'
Sage
A holding pattern of life
That's right..a holding pattern. I feel like my life is on a flight to the rest of my life but has been put in a holding pattern for an unspecified amount of time. ARGHHH!!
Let's see how quick I can make this post..I'm on my way to work.
(Read: On my way to the local sweat shop)
It seems I have been deemed worthy enough to be hired on as a permanent employee of local sweat shop #1. My official start date is March 12..this is a good thing. It means my pay will go up to appx 10$ and hour. (close enough anyway)
I have not told Dementor it starts on the 12, I told him the 26th, which was my original start date. He doesn't need to know of the change. It will give me a head start on money I suppose.
Now, back to the holding pattern. Each day I come home I have to face Dementor. He leaves about an hour after I get home. Now, I'm a table person...when I come in from work, I want a cup of coffee and to sit at my table and drink said coffee in peace. It seems however that Dementor thinks he must come sit with me and 'chat'?? WTF?
He never wanted to 'chat' before?
Matter of fact, he had very little to ever say to me before?
Now all of a sudden he wants to 'chat' ...ask me how my life has been? how was work? WTF?
This is an everyday occurrence and honestly, it's starting to get old.
I want to 'clean out'..I want to redecorate..I want to just clean my house..I want to do lots of things here in the house, but it seems I CANT (or wont) as long as Dementor is still a permanent fixture here.
If I did that it would benefit both of us..and well, I'm just not ready to benefit Dementor any longer. EVER.
We've been getting along just fine, but this 'hold please' funk I seem to be in is not going to make for a 'just fine attitude much longer. I want it over. I want him gone. I want to be alone. That's a lot of I wants isn't it? Well, damnit, it's time.
So yeah, I feel like I'm in flight..but on a holding pattern that I can't seem to swoop down or land out of.
I don't want to rush my life away by any means, but the faster his 'leave' date arrives, the happier I will be.
I came home from work yesterday and he had the gumption to say "I'm bored!" ...all I could think of was "you just wait honey..your boredom hasn't even begun!"
That was an evil thought wasn't it? Too bad. It's true.
I think what pissed me off about the above statement was as soon as I walked in the door, I sat my lunch box down and grabbed the broom. The floor had leaves and trash all over it. Then I looked at the counter, and sure he had emptied a few things from the dishwasher ..from the dishwasher to the counter for me to put away. It's like he didn't know where to put them!! WTH?? It was a frying pan, the lid for it, a strainer and a salsa bowl'. CAN YOU NOT LOOK? You've lived here 5 years damnit..shit hasn't changed! If you'd put half a mind to putting the shit away and sweeping the damned floor you wouldn't have been bored now would you?? ARGHHHH!!
I think truly he feigns stupidity just so he doesn't have to do it. Really, I think all men do that.
Well, enough bitching for the morning I suppose. Just wanted to give an update on my holding pattern of life.
Now, it's off to the sweat shop to continue my holding pattern a little while longer. Till later..
The Crone of flight 'go no where'
Sage
Let's see how quick I can make this post..I'm on my way to work.
(Read: On my way to the local sweat shop)
It seems I have been deemed worthy enough to be hired on as a permanent employee of local sweat shop #1. My official start date is March 12..this is a good thing. It means my pay will go up to appx 10$ and hour. (close enough anyway)
I have not told Dementor it starts on the 12, I told him the 26th, which was my original start date. He doesn't need to know of the change. It will give me a head start on money I suppose.
Now, back to the holding pattern. Each day I come home I have to face Dementor. He leaves about an hour after I get home. Now, I'm a table person...when I come in from work, I want a cup of coffee and to sit at my table and drink said coffee in peace. It seems however that Dementor thinks he must come sit with me and 'chat'?? WTF?
He never wanted to 'chat' before?
Matter of fact, he had very little to ever say to me before?
Now all of a sudden he wants to 'chat' ...ask me how my life has been? how was work? WTF?
This is an everyday occurrence and honestly, it's starting to get old.
I want to 'clean out'..I want to redecorate..I want to just clean my house..I want to do lots of things here in the house, but it seems I CANT (or wont) as long as Dementor is still a permanent fixture here.
If I did that it would benefit both of us..and well, I'm just not ready to benefit Dementor any longer. EVER.
We've been getting along just fine, but this 'hold please' funk I seem to be in is not going to make for a 'just fine attitude much longer. I want it over. I want him gone. I want to be alone. That's a lot of I wants isn't it? Well, damnit, it's time.
So yeah, I feel like I'm in flight..but on a holding pattern that I can't seem to swoop down or land out of.
I don't want to rush my life away by any means, but the faster his 'leave' date arrives, the happier I will be.
I came home from work yesterday and he had the gumption to say "I'm bored!" ...all I could think of was "you just wait honey..your boredom hasn't even begun!"
That was an evil thought wasn't it? Too bad. It's true.
I think what pissed me off about the above statement was as soon as I walked in the door, I sat my lunch box down and grabbed the broom. The floor had leaves and trash all over it. Then I looked at the counter, and sure he had emptied a few things from the dishwasher ..from the dishwasher to the counter for me to put away. It's like he didn't know where to put them!! WTH?? It was a frying pan, the lid for it, a strainer and a salsa bowl'. CAN YOU NOT LOOK? You've lived here 5 years damnit..shit hasn't changed! If you'd put half a mind to putting the shit away and sweeping the damned floor you wouldn't have been bored now would you?? ARGHHHH!!
I think truly he feigns stupidity just so he doesn't have to do it. Really, I think all men do that.
Well, enough bitching for the morning I suppose. Just wanted to give an update on my holding pattern of life.
Now, it's off to the sweat shop to continue my holding pattern a little while longer. Till later..
The Crone of flight 'go no where'
Sage
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