Grass Meditation

FRIDAY:
Ahhh the week is finally over! It was all in all a pretty short week, or so it seemed. I've got 2 1/2 days to relax and do some things about the house..and I'm glad of it.

When I got home yesterday I jumped on the lawnmower and mowed the front yard. (Much to Dementors surprise). He is going to have to remember, I did all those things before he came along..I can and will do them again with his departure.
When I got home today, he was on the phone (since he hadn't left for his 'class' yet)..I heard him laughing from the bedroom as I came in the backdoor. Soooo I gave Dementor a dose of his own medicine..and asked him "who was on the phone?" The first words out of his mouth were 'huh?" as if he didn't hear me..and I was standing right next to him when I said it. This tells me one of two things EITHER:..one..what I was getting ready to hear was a lie..or two..he didn't want me to know. (this was his 'classic go to: "huh" when he needed a second to think of something quick!) Either way, it matters not to me..really. He said it was a 'recruiter' (for jobs)..and that he could pretty much get a job anywhere he wanted right now for him to 'pick a state'.
Good..great..this says 'you are leaving' and by the by, just so you'll know..after our previous conversation where I specifically said "NO" to his 'lets try again' routine..he has not been the least bit 'affectionate' like he was. I'm GLAD of it too! He'd come up behind me, hug me..kiss my cheek..kiss me goodbye every day..and quite frankly..I didn't 'return' in kind..and didn't want what he was offering. I guess you could say he didn't fight too hard to keep the marriage either did he? Asked me once and gave up. HA! Good thing too, cuz nothing would have worked anyway.

Sure the idea of going to work everyday to support myself is not my idea of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, but alas, that is less of an evil then living in Dementor hell for the rest of it.

I've never been so ready to just 'move on'. Seriously.
I have done some meditations for the past few days..first thing in the morning, on the way to work, on the way home from work..just simple thought processes and relaxing the mind a bit. It has helped me to become clearer in a few things.
I was really starting to get 'wound up' over Dementors constant presence and lack of 'care' for his things, his trash, his mess that I was starting to stress over it. The meditation is allowing me to move past that and start thinking of the future. More importantly, to start thinking differently about the here and now.

I realized I was still walking on egg shells around him..(and I probably will to a degree until he's gone) but I was allowing him to still 'rule' what I did..and that cannot go on any longer...Period.
As of yesterday (Thursday) I began to 'live life according the world of Sage' again. (that was what the mowing the grass was all about! and another opportunity to think/meditate)

Today..I took the red zoom zoom downtown to get the chicken feed and when I got home, I cleaned all his stuff out of it. It's my car, I took it back.
This weekend, I have plans for a few other things as well. Tonight I may start mowing the back yard, if I don't..I'll do it first thing in the AM. (he usually sleeps late!). I'll be cleaning out the chicken coop (it's yearly 'wash' down. I plan on washing the blue zoom zoom and putting it where Dementor used to keep his boat..under cover. I also plan on cleaning up the red zoom zoom a bit and adding a cover for the back where the seats are tearing up so it's not visible. I have a walmart run to make and am HIGHLY considering buying some 'paint' and next weekend, painting the red zoom zoom. YEP! You heard that right.
The back half of the red zoom zoom has lost it's clear coat and I'm just in the mood to take the air brush I have and buy some car paint (high gloss red) and give it a shot. Hell..what have I got to loose..it couldn't look too much worse then it already does!


**UPDATE:
The above section was written on Friday afternoon..it is now, very early on Saturday morning. Since then, we have had two hellacious thunderstorms, one on Friday on the way to town and one just about 1/2 hour ago.

So let's discuss what happened last night.
Dementor called and said he was done with class and was on his way home, 'lets go get some dinner'..so as we are leaving for dinner, a storm rolls in...ohmygawd it was raining so hard, it was almost impossible to see to get into town..anyway..we had dinner and took the walmart run. I picked up the dog food I needed and home we headed. I casually started a conversation about 'boxes'..mentioning the one I put in his bedroom was not as big as it looked, but it was free so"...and then I led into this "oh and by the way..the other day you said 'I can leave any time'..I took that as a veiled threat, so I'm telling you now, you CAN leave anytime." He said "Are you trying to tell me something?"..my reply? "uhmm yeah..maybe I am". I'm just saying do not feel obligated to stay until July 1..you don't have to, I'll be fine. I truly expect you to leave in May..honestly, but if you want to go before that..I'm ok with that too."

He didn't say much.
But, I did find out through further conversation that he is kinda biding his time because he would like to find a job in another state. This takes a while. I also found out he already knows where he's going to move to if he stays here..he's already been to the apartment complex and talked to them. It's right next to his job..literally so he would either walk or ride a bike to work cutting his work gas to zero (his words).

Hmm..funny what you find out. Now that I know that..GO do you hear me just GO!

We ended up discussing filing taxes next year, he THOUGHT we were going to file married again, I said 'uhm no'...we don't have to as long as we are separated and I don't intend to. He tried to explain how it would be cheaper if we did..and I agreed, but I also informed him, that I had already filled out my forms as 'single separated' and had no intentions of trying to hunt him down should he be in another state to file taxes for this year, it's just easier to cut it and roll with it. He said nothing more.

He's very tight lipped with his side of things, he really is. There are things we have to discuss you know..gee..what is his problem. Either way..what's good for the goose is good for the gander ..so I'll be tight lipped on this end as well.

Maybe I can hope that one day he'll just disappear in the night! POOOF..be gone!

Till next time

The Crone of wishing her wand would POOF!
Sage