What it means is..I hate the day to day idea that I have to go to work. Work itself hasn't been horrible.
All that said, there is a measure of independence gained from working everyday that will eventually pan out to be mine. I hope.
Work is a physical workout for me most days (at least 3-4x's a week)..just the other day, I ended up doing 150 deep knee bends. (give or take) WTH? Yep, legs were sore for 2 days after, but hey..I'm getting exercise at the same time I'm making money, so it's all good. I'm pretty sure, if my scales are correct, I've dropped just at 13-14 lbs since going to work. This too is a good thing.
The recent charades with Dementor have been enlightening if nothing else. He's of course, been Mr. Wonderful since I've gone to work. (minus a few days of sickness and family visits)
I remember when this all started, I told one of 5 what the future would be. Here is what I said:
"You wait...what's going to happen is, as soon as I've got my car almost paid off and a few other things to boot, and can afford 'living by myself'..he'll say "well let's try this marriage thing out"...you watch and see."
Yesterday..was that day.
I owe 550$ left on my car, and have started giving him 1/2 of the bills I can afford (let's not mention that he's asked for 1/2 of other bills that I can't quite afford yet too!)
So yesterday morning, I was casually chatting about the 'shut down' that work has in July and that I would only get 1/2 a check and it was gonna hurt. He asked my why. I replied "because I'll be paying all the bills by then that's why!" (what came next..did NOT even surprise me) He looked at me and said "Well, I don't have to leave in July..I just might not." I sat for about 1 second and said.."oh no..you know we decided July 1 was the date!" To my utter surprise again, he played dumb..asking if we had really decided on that date and he was unaware. Immediately I went into 'don't play me for a fool mode' and told him 'not to play dumb, he knew exactly when the date was and what we had decided on'. He realized then that his games of making 'ME" feel stupid were no longer valid. The next thing out of his mouth was "well, I just figured since we were doing so well now we might give this marriage a shot".
(GASP!...heart attack!)
(GASP!...heart attack!)
My mind went to racing.."oh sure, now that I'm working my ass off and making money so that you can afford all the luxuries YOU want..and still asking me for 1/2 the bills..and now that my car is nearly paid for..and jees..we get along so well now because we barely see each other.." and then..I shut my mind off and simply said "I asked you that very thing....TWICE!..Gave you the option of trying this marriage out for one year. The first time I asked you you said "I'm better off alone'...and the second time you gave me no answer, so to use YOUR words: "I'M better off alone, the answer is no!" He went into 'saving grace' attitude of course and came back with 'I really just wanted to 'think about it'...I repeated "I'm better off alone".
Has this dissuaded him? no.. He's still acting like Mr. Wonderful..he still thinks we are 'going to make a go of it. This man is delusional. I mean really.
Here is what I wish I had said instead: Once he said 'I thought we might make a go of this marriage'..I really should have said "OHH GREAT! I'll quit my job on Monday!" What do you want to bet, he would have changed his tune and in a hurry too? And I may do just that at some point in time....then we'll see he's really just doing it for money.
And let me tell you, he's laying it on thick too. Buying me wine..which he NEVER did before. Buying food just for me..filling the kitchen with groceries..jeesus-kerrist! He really does take me for the fool.
Wait till next week, when I bring him home boxes for him to pack his shit in..then I am SURE he'll try one more time! Bet ya nickels to dimes he will. I'll let ya know!
In my book, too much water has gone under the bridge.. He doesn't like the way my kids and I talk ..he doesn't really seem to like my kids...or my family. These two things weigh very heavy on my decision to say 'no' to a continuation of the marriage. VERY HEAVY. He says I'm bossy..and so on and so on. These things mean a lot in my book. Not to mention the rages he gets into. Yeah..I think 'NO" is the answer here. "I'm better off alone"
Nuff of that.
Onto redecorating the bedroom. I've picked up some pieces via the thrift store here and there with my redecorating theme in mind. A new bedskirt that I hope will fit a queen set, if it doesn't, I'll use the skirt as part of the curtain make over. A few pieces of material to make throw pillows ..pretty stuff, all Moroccan/Bohemian in style. Deep earth tones/reds/yellow/gold/browns. I'll toss in the blue with some of the accessories that I already have. Total cost so far..11$. I still haven't decided on a wall color yet, that will come soon. Maybe after I go 'into' the room and look about, but right now..I avoid the room. It's HIS room currently.
Monday is my first day as a permanent employee, I am no longer a temp...this is good. My pay will go to about 10$ an hour. This is a very good thing, since somewhere in the conversation above Dementor said "Well, I can leave anytime"...(blink blink) does he think I care? One of 5 said this was a 'threat' and she's probably right..it was. I guess he'd have been shocked if I said 'go'..it doesn't matter to me.
Dementor has no idea that Monday is my first day as a permanent employee either. I told him the original date..as March 26..and never corrected it... I want to keep it that way. My goal is to get about a months worth of bills socked away into the savings account before his departure..if I make it great..if I don't..that's fine too. I'll manage. I did before he arrived, I can do it after he leaves. I'm determined at this point.
Gas is my biggest ass kicker right now..I mean seriously?? WTH is gas so damned high? I'm paying nearly 4$ a gallon for the blue zoom zoom..I'll be switching to the red zoom zoom next week, it's better on gas and uses the cheaper stuff. Might as well do it while it's cool enough since the red zoom zoom doesn't have any air conditioning!
I've got about 4 years left to pay on my house, I hope between the two cars, they will last that long, then..I'll buy a new car, sell the red zoom zoom..keep the blue zoom zoom..that's the plan at least, let's hope it pans out.
So,that's my update for this week. It's time for me to be off and doing some house work. My weekly laundry is already done and now it's time to clean the kitchen. I'll be giving it a good once over today in hopes that it will stay clean for the upcoming week. Dementor hasn't been helping too much in that area lately....another reason to say 'no' huh? LOL..till next time!
The Crone of Deep Knee Bends
Sage
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