Yep..it's Man-opause

I swear, the Dementor goads me. He's in his cycle again.
I've said it for years, and I'll say it again, his moods run in a cycle just like the female cycle.

A little history.., hubby was diagnosed with 'low T'...a few years back. Unbeknown to me..low T..causes
'menopause' like symptoms.  
(some..about an 8 list..not 32!)
He was given a hormone lotion to rub on once a day.

I do not know if he is still on his 'hormone' lotion or not..and from the looks of things..probably not.


The hubs is a grouch at ALL times.seriously. I know everyone thinks I'm joking, but I swear to you..I am NOT lying..he is HORRID to live with.

(HORRID I say...I don't know how much longer I can do this)

ANYWAY:
Today he tried to goad me, to get me to argue I swear it.
I got up this morning with plans to go visit my daughter and grands...I fiddled about the house doing this and that. I started a load of clothes and put dinner in the crock pot...I put the now washed load of clothes in the basket and started the second load of clothes with the intention of hanging the clothes on the line before I left.  I swooped around the house, collecting things I wanted to take to the daughter..

(and due to yesterday's fiasco with the hubs'..when he came home this morning, very little if anything was spoken between the two of us..on purpose on my half). 

All the stuff together now, I grabbed up my things, leaned down, kissed dementor on the cheek said 'bye' and hit the door. I forgot to hang out the clothes.

(I was busy. Hell..dinner was cooking..the house decent..things gathered for my trip..what more could someone want!? )

I spent a lovely day with the family, and headed home about 1pm. It takes me an hour to drive, so I arrived home around 2ish.
The first thing I notice as I come in the back yard was ..the laundry was on the line, the dementor had hung it out before he went to bed.
(this was not going to be pretty)

(And I'll tell you now, there is a right way and a wrong way to hang out clothes, suffice it to say, dementor does NOT know how to hang out clothes..but I didn't tell him that!.........mmk)

I come inside and piddle about the house again..start the rice to finish off dinner
(The house smelled fabulous by the way)
Two hours later dementor emerges from his cave, dressed and read for work. Nothing was said..no words spoken. He went straight outside, was gone for a few minutes and came back in.
HUH?
I asked 'what did you have to go outside for?"
(this was a mistake, it was his open door)
His reply "I got my aprons off the line and put them in the car!"
(might I add, this was not said in a pleasant tone AT ALL..it was gruff and full of disdain)

The next words out of his mouth as he's filling his plate with the dinner that I had taken great care in preparing before I left this morning..were:  "I thought you were going to hang out the clothes this morning before you left!"
(said with venom and hate in the undertone)

I opened my mouth to say something..and....then....(the little light bulb in my head went on).. I shut it again. I realized what he was doing. He was looking for a fight. Oh sure, I could have said the truth.."I forgot", but, that would have lead into more diatribe from him on my 'lack' of abilities.
By gawd..he was goading me!

I did NOT give him the satisfaction. 
 (and the phrase "don't feed the trolls" went through my head)

It's a cycle I swear it! And he's in it full blown right now. I'll deal with this monster dementor for about another 10 days before I see 'Scrooge' again..right now, he's a full blown monster dementor.

And I hate it.
I'm soo glad I'm leaving for the weekend.
Next week, I'll be job hunting. Or doing something that will take me away from his presence as much as possible. It's a sad sad day when you hate being at home.

The Crone of Goading

Sage

PS: Go here to read up on some 'manopause'

Here we are again

I've got a few things to touch on today.
Let's talk about some 'Crone' items first.
Remember that list I put up a few posts back of the 32 things you can experience during menopause?

(this isn't going to be pretty!)

Here's the scoop.
If you're a crone, you should avoid at all costs, getting sick, smelling odd things, picking nose hairs..uhmm let's just say..anything to make you sneeze, cough or laugh.

(and people wonder why we don't 'laugh' much????? blink, blink)
(Ask me why?)

Trust me Sister Crones, if you sneeze or laugh to hard, you better make sure you've made a hefty donation to 'Poise" first...mmmK?

First and foremost, our bladder never empties. I swear to you, I can go to the bathroom..pee a river, get up and 5 minutes later, have to go back. (blink blink) 
Now, I'll grant you the second time around doesn't produce as much UNLESS..
(and here it comes)
Unless..I decide "NOT" to go and hold it, cuz I think in my wrackspurt driven mind, my bladder is just playing tricks on me..I really don't have to go.
Without fail, the comeuppance of mother nature will strike and I will sneeze, cough or laugh.
(BIG MISTAKE!)
THEN..it will FEEL like a river! In your pants. Down your leg (if you're not wearing any pants) or up the crack of your butt if your laying back watching TV or something... all over your chair/couch! WTH!?

(remind me to buy all Naugahyde chairs..even the fake ones!) What do they call that..Pleather?? (fake leather?)

You know, I've always heard it said "once a (wo)man, Twice a child"

(You've heard that right?)
When my kids were tots, 90% of my furniture was 'wipe off' type. I mean..sticky hand prints are much easier to clean off of 'pleather' then cotton duck right? Sure it is.
Then tell me WHY..oh WHY did we not realize then, that we would be the next children sitting on the couch pissing our pants..and KEEP THE PLEATHER??? WTH?
Oh the costly mistakes we make when we try to fool mother nature!

Going naked is not good for incontinence....nay nay
(I've pulled out my 'carpet/upholstery cleaner more then once!)

 I get hot..power surges you know...so I go about my house MOST TIMES..with just a shirt and as soon as the dementor leaves..I wear nothing!
(remember a few of the other items like weight gain and bloat? Yeah..that's why I wait till the dementor leaves before going naked, cuz well, just cuz..no one wants to see that..no)

It is never safe to knock on my door after 6pm anymore. No.....not a good idea.
Trust me when I tell you..going naked produces a problem with incontinence.

The other day while chatting with a friend (1 of 5) via the internet, I had a sneeze that came from the bottom of my feet..out of nowhere, no warning, no nothing. Do I even need to tell you what happened?
(I didn't think so!)
Sad part is..I didn't even HAVE TO PEE AT THE TIME! Where in the hell does this stuff come from??

Ohh Mother Nature, you are a cruel mistress..yes, yes, yes you are!

Now on to the second part of this post. The Dementor.
You know, since *I* have had a change of attitude lately..he seems to have gotten better.
(or so I thought)
Until today at least.
I'll keep this short and sweet.
Can we say "TEMPER TANTRUM' cuz ..you know..I really don't know why, he had no reason to do it other then just to irritate me on purpose!..I swear to you sister Crones, he was acting like a 5 year old 'mocking' me!

(It's just past a new moon..I must remember this)

In a perfectly sing song, irritating..5 year old voice, with the stomping attitude to back it up here's what I heard "Cuz you want a fire at your table..cuz you want a fire at your table..cuz you want a fire at your table"
Yep, he repeated it 3x's. Yep, he said it the same time each way..picture 5 year old here ok.
And yep, he stomped off to work afterwards.

I've told you before..I'm a Taurus. Taurus's like to throw things. Especially glass things..to hear them break seems to 'calm' the nerves.
(don't ask me why..I have no clue..but it works!)
Taurus's scream too..a low deep growling scream..reminds them of that 'bullish' huffing and puffing you know.
When he walked out the door..it took everything in me not to pick up my glass and sling it as hard as I could at the back door. EVERYTHING in me!

(I just kept thinking I'd be one short in my set of glasses..and that is not good)

But..I did scream..that low rumbling..snorting kind of bull warning..

ASSSSHOOOOLE!!!!

Whew..I feel better.
I'm glad I'm leaving for the weekend.
In the meantime..I think it's time for some wine and another bath. Oh yeah!

It just hit me!!

Consider this.

If you know anything about pagan religions of an 'earth nature', then you know these simple laws of the land.

ONE: mother nature is the Goddess is the earth, the earth, the goddess, the mother.
TWO: all of the earth is a cyclic nature, spring, summer, fall and winter. (repeat)
THREE: the Goddess is represented by the earth in her 'seasons', Maiden, Mother, Crone.
FOUR: The cyclic nature of earth and the Goddess is represented in the 4 points, east, south, west and north.
From north to east is the birth, from east to south is the growth, from south to west is the harvest and from west to north is the death/sleep.

ALL three are one..(just think the holy trinity)..The goddess is Mother Nature is the Earth in cyclic seasons.


As females, just like the earth..we and she are the same. Our cycles are as the Mothers cycles. The Mothers cycles are our own.

North to east: The Spring; you are born and grow from a baby to a child/teen.

From East to South, The Summer; you grow and develop from child/teen to women hood, giving birth to children, ideas and careers.

From South to West, The fall is your reaping, enjoying the hard work and benefits of your 'summer'. Beginning the aging.

From West to North, The winter of your life. The final aging. The snow on the head, the process of death.

(sorry to put it that way, but hey, this is a blog of honesty and to quote the new queen in Braveheart "death comes to us all" )

Having established the earth is female, Here's the question and the revelation I had:
If the earth is female, and she has the same seasons of life as you and I do, then tell me, when would mother natures 'menopause' begin??



We are now in the Goddess's Menopause stage. This menopause stage seems to run right along the same time lines as 'hurricane' season. Funny huh?
The Earth/Mother/Goddess has a menopause..is IN menopause! Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Floods, Storms, Lightening, Earthquakes, Tsunami's..etc, etc.

(Sounds like menopause to me..I know I could easily create those things in my own home!)

By the last harvest (Oct 31), her menopause will settle and the hot flashes of summer will be over, the storms and change of attitude will be gone and then like every aging women we know, she will get cold. She will shiver in her place in the heavens, appear to die with the bareness then be reborn again come spring.

Hmm food for thought??

The Crone of Seasons

Sage

Here ya go..just some fun for ya!

An Adventure

Yes, yes, the Crone will be going on an adventure at the beginning of October.

I've decided that much of my so called depression (read: Lack of enthusiasm for anything!) is because I don't get out enough. I have nothing to do beyond my house and have not for over 4  years.
How boring can you get?

(And this makes me dislike the dementor even more most days..soooo)
I'm going on an Adventure!

A little history..many years ago, pre-dementor, I belonged to a medieval recreation group known as the ECS. It was a blast, and I LOVED it. However, others in the group didn't want to 'work' toward the group, so all the 'jobs' to keep the group running were laid upon my shoulders, and my 'hobby' became more like a job. So..I bowed out. I quit. I gave it up. I missed it.

(Fast forward about 8-10 years.)

One of my best and oldest friends (1 of 5) is in the SCA. (a medieval recreation group)
For weeks now she's been hinting that I should go with them to their next event (a big one) at the beginning of October..for almost a week, Camping.
Medieval style.

I accepted.

Dementor has said nothing about me going, no yes, no 'nay'..he just knows I'm going. Of course, I didn't ask permission..I just said "I'm going."
I'll be able to get out, and possibly get a hobby beyond these 4 walls.
This is a good thing.
Down the road, should the dementor like go and see what the deal is, I'd be more then happy to say "go with me".
(Because I think much of his problem is there is nothing for him beyond work and home either.)

(still no reason to be a dementor, but hey..to each his own)

Now, going to a medieval event means you have to dress 'in period' or as someone from the middle ages.
(Since loosing all my original 'stuff' in a house fire...)
I've been cutting patterns and material for a few days now to sew the clothes I'll need.
I was surprised yesterday when dementor came in from work  (I was busy cutting patterns and material) and there was no dinner prepared... he was not in the least bit upset.


Matter of fact, at about 7 o'clock pm he said "Why don't you take a break..I can see it's hurting your back to do all that cutting..and I know how focused you get when you start something."  ..............

(WOW! Did I just hear compassion? Gentleness? Concern?)

Maybe the fact that I am doing something beyond the scope of home and without the dementor (which is pretty normal actually) has opened his eyes a bit, to the fact that I can LIVE  beyond the great HIM?..WTH?

We shall see.

The Crone of Patterns

Sage

A temporary piece of heaven

I am a creature of habit, I think we all are to a degree.
For many years I had certain things I did on certain days and always started my day early.
When Dementor started his current job it was for third shift. I had to adjust. It's been almost a year and I never fully adjusted.
(I know this because in the past year my house has degraded a bit in it's 'cleanness'. This doesn't mean I have a nasty house...it's just not QUITE the way I used to keep it.) 

The one thing I have adjusted to is sleeping alone. I LOVE being in my bed without Dementor.

I just don't like having anyone around while I work.

When he's home (for whatever reason) it seems nothing works right and nothing gets accomplished. He has disturbed my 'force'..and fucked with my chi
(even when dementor is sleeping it messes with my chi!)

Maybe it's the type of person I am or maybe it's because........

I don't have to work around him; or talk to him and disturb my train of thought.
(meaning: having to tell him to get OUT of the way!)
I don't have to stop and answer questions like: Where's the toilet paper?
(You're kidding me right?)
I don't have to 'go get something' because he can't find it.
(How long have you lived here? ..really!)
I don't have to hear 'when or whats for dinner'?
(maybe nothing if you keep hanging around!)

It's like this great lump in the chair asking stupid questions or making comments at the tv for gawds sake.
When he does this I think he's talking to me, so I stop what I'm doing and go and ask "What did you say?"

(I have to do this because Dementor mumbles badly and speaks VERY low to boot...DRIVES ME INSANE!)

When I get there, I hear..."oh I was talking to the tv"
(and you expected it to answer you?)

ARGHHHH! Now I have to go back and start all over again with what I was doing!

For a while there, I thought I was loosing my hearing because of these little scenarios, but at other times, I could hear things before the dogs did..so WTF?
(At least it was confirmed by someone else (1of 5) that "you're not loosing your hearing..he does talk like he's got marbles in his mouth and not loud enough for you to hear ..it's not you!)

I was relieved. 

We've been married since 2007..and he STILL doesn't know where shit goes in the kitchen.
(or anywhere else for that matter!) 
Every once in a great while he'll put dishes away. Here's how it plays out.
(On the days when I'm not here or outside where he can't ask me anything) he's putting dishes away...if he doesn't know where something goes (a bowl for gawds sake), he simply sits it on the counter. He does this with everything he is clueless about. (and trust me, it's a lot)
He creates a pile of "I don't know where they go" dishes!
He doesn't look to see if he can find any others like it to place with it ohhh nooo! He just sits them on the counter for ME to put away.
(tell me..how is this helping me?)
On the days that I am in the house and busy, he'll call me to the kitchen to ask "Where does this go?"
(ARGHHHH! Again..how is this helping me!)
And the really sad part is..it's usually the same item over and over again.
(WHAT? Do you have a hole in your head where this information leaks out?)

Sometimes, I wish he just wouldn't try. His 'help' usually ends up creating double work for me in the long run.

Today however, he's on a semi regular shift. He left this morning at 4:30..and I slept in. I feel a little behind, but that's ok..I've got all week! :)
There is no dementor lump in the chair to work around.
There is no one asking me questions.
There is no one making comments and yelling at the tv.
There is no one doubling my work load.
This is heaven.

I am SUCH a crone!

The Crone of I know where it all goes
Sage

Let's talk

I've had some time to think about the list in the last post I made.
(It's not pretty.)
Picture this if you will

Before you stands a women....
(you think it is at least).
She's dressed in a baggy shirt and shorts with house shoes. There are beads of sweat popping out all over her like a teenager with a serious case of acne. Using a worn Japanese fan, she's feverishly fanning herself.   The hair on her head is thinning and dry. You see her scalp easily through it. She appears so bloated in her mid section she reminds you of a barrel and beneath that her ankles are 'cankles'.

(cankles, by the way are swollen ankles so bad that you can't tell they are ankles. It looks like a continuation of the leg)

Got that picture in your head now?
Good, let's continue.
She's smiling one minute and cussing you out the next, this barrel bodied, nearly bald, heavily sweating female is running about in a panic locking doors and looking for her glasses.
She can't remember that she's already checked the lock on the front door 3x's and her glasses are on her head. She's scratching at her boobs like a man scratches at his balls and rapidly fanning as the sweat pours.

The next thing you know she's got her head in the freezer swearing she's living in hell. When she emerges from the freezer she has 1/2 gallon of ice cream in her hand.
(chocolate if you please!)

Not bothering to get a bowl she slips a spoon out of the drawer and eats the ice cream straight from the carton, still standing with her head half in the freezer.
You notice how broken and jagged her nails are as she covers her mouth to sneeze. When she sneezes, You  distinctly hear a fart then she grabs her crotch, yells "OH SHIT" throws the ice cream down and runs for the bathroom. When she zooms by you...
(sniff sniff......whew!) WOW..You hope she'll take a shower while she's in there!!

She emerges from the bathroom ..then this 'creature' standing in front of you, starts to cry. You have no idea why.

So tell me..is this a women or does this sound more like a cross between an ogre and a troll????

WTH??
This is a description of a female with some of the signs and symptoms of menopause. Tell me..would you want to live with her???
OMG..This makes it sound like menopausal women are Crone Trolls..or Crone Ogres. EGADS!!!!!!!

The Crone of Trolls

Sage

The LIST (whispered like it's a secret)

Let's talk about all the lovely side affects of Croning! (aka menopause)
After doing some net crawling,  I discovered a list or two of the symptoms of menopause. Here's the list.
(I've marked all the ones I've experienced..most, NOT PRETTY!)

1. Hot Flashes/Night Sweats * (Living in hell! From the inside out!)

2. Irregular Periods *  (this is a good thing, I hate them! So the disappearance of this is GREAT!)

3. Loss of Libido * (again..I could care less..don't want it, you can keep it..I'll take NO libido thankyou!)

4. Vaginal Dryness (haven't suffered this ..yet.)

5. Mood Swings * (my mood swings have been few, but I know they have happened.)

6. Fatigue * (the couch has become my best friend!)

7. Hair Loss * (between me burning it off and it coming off a handful at a time in the shower..wow!)

8. Sleep Disorder * (Sleep??What's that? I'd say it's in disorder!)

9. Difficulty Concentrating * (Wrackspurts I tell you, wrackspurts!)

10. Memory Lapses * (Yeah..it's the Wrackspurts again!)

11. Dizziness * (Oh yeah! And wait till it happens in the middle of the grocery store..egads!)

12. Weight Gain* (I'm a fat southern women...need I say more!)

13. Incontinence * (Ohhh jeesus..is this a pain! Don't sneeze, cough or laugh too much!)

14. Bloating * (there are days when I remind myself of Violet from Willy Wonka..just roll me out!)

15.Allergies ( haven't done this one..Sneezing is dangerous to the bladder..I pity those who get it.)

16. Brittle Nails (Hmm..well, this hasn't happened either, but then again, I don't grow long nails to know)

17. Changes in Odor (WTH?? My odor??..I can't smell myself! No one has said "you stink" lately ..so I guess I'm good here)

18. Irregular Heartbeat * (This will drive you insane! And you'll think it's time for the big one! Out of all the symptoms, this one is the scariest)

19. Depression * ( this has not been a big thing for me..except for lack of 'wanting to do anything, which I put under this category but call "LAZY DAYS")

20. Anxiety * (I've had this a few times....didn't last very long)

21. Panic Disorder (hmm..sounds pretty much the same as anxiety to me..maybe there are only 31 signs)

22. Breast Pain * (WTH? I've had it, it's like someone is stabbing you sometimes)

23. Headaches * (OMG! They are horrible..vise grip like and come with no warning..not pretty!)

24. Joint Pain * (It's like someone will roll the dice and pick one for the day, fingers today ..hips tomorrow)

25. Burning Tongue (WTH? This was a new one to me..the only time my tongue burns is when I eat jalapenos ok..and I love me some mexican!)

26. Electric Shocks * (this will happen every time in the heart/chest area before a hot flash..very weird)

27. Digestive Problems * (They've checked me from both ends , embarrassing trust me!..removed my gall bladder. I still have problems..but I deal with it.)

28. Gum Problems (New one on me..Maybe I should get all my teeth pulled and get dentures..just think about it..no more toothaches, fillings, root canals..etc I think I'd like to put my teeth to sleep in a cup every night!)

29. Muscle Tension * (Not a huge problem yet, but have woke up several times thinking I'd run a marathon in my sleep!)

30. Itchy Skin * (yeah..this is strange..usually in the boob and arm areas.)

31. Tingling Extremities * (not too bad for me, but has happened, in my legs, feet and fingers)

32. Cravings for sweets and carbs * (do I need to mention that this one will coincide with weight gain and bloating..?? I didn't think so!)

Well, there you go..a list of 32 things, in no particular order.
I have to tell you, I was totally unaware of most these symptoms. When these things started happening.. I thought was going crazy (or dying a slow death.)
With a little digging, there it was, all the things that doctors could not find, could not give me reasons for..(doctors don't listen,  I swear!)

Is there a way to stop the above items, or lesson them? No one has found a positive 'help' except for 'hormone therapy'..that's not something I want to do. So study the list and tell me..do you feel better now, at least you KNOW it's not some mystery disease or illness that the doctors can't find. Rest assured, most doctors are clueless to menopause. CLUELESS.

The Crone of Violet Bloat,

Sage

To Bitch or not to bitch?

That is the question.
What shall I bitch about today?

My Dementor? Nahhh.. don't want to give him the pleasure.
The world today? shootings, riots and wars. Nah..people hear it all the time on the news.
Aches and pains from sitting here all night due to the insomnia of an old crones brain?...nahhh it'll hurt whether I bitch or not.

Of course, I could be pleasant ..nahhh it's too hot!

I could start another book....my eyes couldn't handle the stress.

This is one of those days where the Wrackspurts are invading, the Inspiration Fairies refuse to visit.
and the Gumption Goblins are on vacation!
(Wrackspurts and Inspiration Fairies hate each and goblins like no one!)

I can't seem to find anything I want to do! There's tons I could do (as far as cleaning and what not), but the idea of 'cleaning' does not spark a get up and go bone in my body. 
(Cleaning???? YUCKK..shudder the thought!!)

(You know what they say "My get up and go done got up and went"  and I didn't even see it leave!)

Is this another one of those mysterious 'Crone/Meno things??

So tell me, what do you do in times like these? Do you balk and do something anyway? Do you not fight it and give in to the mindless & brain numbing TV for the day? WHAT?

In cases such as this, there is only one thing left to do, I must go search for leaks. Brain leaks and eyelid leaks, and the only way to do that is..sleep.
NAPTIME!
(If they can do it in kindergarten, I can do it here!)

The Crone of EyeLid Leak Checks

Sage

It's all a blur!

Ok..you know I'm a Harry Potter fan. These books were paramount to my daughters learning..seriously, I kid you not. Here's why.

My daughter was not a big reader, matter of fact she didn't care for it at all, totally the opposite of me who found a love of books at a very early age.

(I so wanted her to be a reader.) 
(FAST FORWARD A FEW YEARS)
For many years I had heard much ado about these Harry Potter books and I refused to be part of the hoopla. Wouldn't buy them. 
That was until I decided to homeschool my daughter. When we began, I was determined she was going to gain a love of reading. So I chose the Potter books and crossed my fingers.

I ordered the first 4 and made a deal with her. We would read out loud..I would read a chapter, then she would read a chapter and so on and so on. She staggered a bit at first, but we motored through,
one chapter at a time.  

These books grabbed her. I don't know what it was about them, but they grabbed me too. By the time we had finished the first book her reading had improved 100% and she couldn't wait to start book 2.
Two days later book 2 was finished and I had only read a few chapters of it, she read most of it to me.

And so the story goes...another reader was born..

So ..magical hats off to Harry Potter, his story made a reader out of her and I am grateful.
She can't wait to read them to her own children. They aren't ready for them yet, but when they are..I KNOW they'll share them together.
One chapter at a time!

Now the sad part.
I did not finish all the Potter series  
(I know..bad of me huh?)
And my daughter has been nagging me to finish reading the last few books of the Potter series
(she had years ago, but I had not)
Since the last movie is out, she demanded that I read the books before seeing the movies. So, on one of my many trips to the thrift store, I just happened to fall across the last 3 Harry Potter books.

(in hard back in excellent condition for $0.99 each, I couldn't resist)

So you guessed it, since I'm anxious to see the last 3 movies
(that's right..jeer at me..I had not seen Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince yet)
Over the last 6 days I have read the last two books of the Potter series,  both large books mind you.

I've read constantly. And my eyes know it.

(right now, I'm blind..going on faith as I type!)

Something about hitting the Crone state of life and your eyes just do NOT work like they used to. I don't have a problem seeing the words or letters, I have a problem with my eyes getting too tired to look at the words and letters for too long. 

(The pages were blurring before my eyes like I was a bottle of wine down! WTH?)

I'd wipe my eyes, and try to open them further with my fingers, nothing would work!

(I was starting to think I needed glasses like Professor Trelawny)

I ended up reading for a few hours then go do something else for about an hour and then go back to the book.

(I did give my eyes a break between books, I bought and watched the 6th movie!)

So for almost a week now, the world has been fluffy and fuzzy to me. And I have to tell you, sometimes it's a good thing!

The Crone of the Fuzzy World,

Sage

Floating memories and cramps

I've struggled all day with what I should post about.
I've thought about posting about wrackspurts, because my brain has been 'fuzzy' all day.
I've considered posting about how cruel mother nature can be because I have cramps and 'aunt flo' hasn't visited me in over 4 months. (thank the gods)

(So WHY in the hell do I have cramps??)

I've even considered posting about my Dementors 'negative' attitude for the past two days..

(He woke up in one of those 'everything is negative moods', where during an hours rant I hear about the bad shows on TV, and what's wrong with the cartoons we used to watch?, children today are spoiled brats.. and what's wrong with kids today is parents gave control to the powers that be, the government is in our face too much..controlling everything..and when I was raising my kids..blah blah blah..and when we were young blah blah blah etc, etc, etc. It was an Archie Bunker Day)

Most days I ignore it (like I did today) and say nothing because I don't always agree with him, and when I don't agree (and voice it)..he argues.
(it's like no one else can have an opinion that differs from his!)
It's not worth my breath, so I just stare at the TV or the book I'm reading, or get up and start working on something..anything doesnt matter!
And ignore.
It's easier.
Lately I've taken to humming..it really pisses him off, but hey..he shuts up faster!
(and I giggle)

But even today I did not get as much pleasure in ignoring and humming and pissing off the Dementor.

See..I'm not fond of today.
August 6th is not a good day for me.
Three years ago today my nephew was shot and killed while on duty. He was a police officer for our county. He and I were very close, he taught me how to 'DJ', we were roommates for over a year, we did everything together for that year and many years before.
I repeat, we were very close. And today is not a good day for me.

So I sit here with the wrackspurts floating in and out, the memories floating in and out, the tears coming out occasionally and realize, today is just not a good day for me.
We all have them.
And it's ok.


The Crone of Floating Memories

Sage

I came in here for what?

You know, I don't know if this is just a sign of aging or if it's truly part of the 'croning stage' of life. So let's talk about ..brain fog. Matter of fact, I've got an even better term for it.
Currently I'm reading "Harry Potter And the Half Blood Prince (6)" and something that Luna says in the book hits me as the perfect description of the 'croning brain fog'

Here is the quote:
Spoken by Luna to Harry after he seems to come out of a wistful state:
"Wrackspurt got you?"  (harry looks at her confused)
"Wrackspurt...They're invisible. They float in through your ears and make your brain go fuzzy."

THAT'S IT!! That's exactly what I feel like some days..sometimes all day!
I can't speak the right words, they won't come. I mean simple words that I used yesterday (or an hour before)..POOF! they're gone. Words like...........DRYER! Instead of saying DRYER..I say "you know that thing you put your clothes in after you wash them!" I end up standing there feeling and looking like an absolute idiot that has lost her marbles! (ohgawdhowembarrasing)

(Sad part is..I sometimes wonder if I AM loosing my marbles!)

This is just ONE example of a Wrackspurt. The others are the times I find myself standing in the 'hereafter'. Yep, walk into a room to get or do something and then just stand there, looking totally lost and wondering what I was here after! That's when I realize, I've hit the invisible 'hereafter' wall. I'm clueless and cannot remember.
Clueless do you hear me!

Then there are just those times where you CAN'T do anything. You want to start something, you go to do it, get sidetracked, never start what you wanted and end up getting sidetracked so many times just trying to get back to where you started, it finally dawns on you that you've spent 4 hours wondering around like a stoner on a constant high!

(don't ask me how I know that mmk?)

Someone explain this to me ..WHY is it that because I'm losing 'hormones' my brain doesn't work anymore? Since WHEN did my ovaries have anything to do with brain function?

I mean, I'm starting to feel like...well, let me put it to you this way. All of us women have said it more then once in our life, that a man's penis is where their brain lies and they usually think with that first.
Well, dayum..(in some twisted sort of fashion) I'm starting to wonder if the same thing must be true of women too!
WTH?

Brainfog, Wrackspurt..or just plain old aging process..now I know why my mother always sounded a bit 'off her rocker'.............PFFT!

The Crone of Wrackspurts galore
Sage

Black Hat Society

Yep, I'm on unofficial member.
(meaning: I don't pay membership to ANY group!)
Matter of fact, I'm an unofficial member of the "Red Hat's" too.
That's another story though.

Anyway, I've done some searching lately on this 'black hat' thingy..and found that there are groups forming and formed called "The Black Hat Society"..I think it's a HOOT!
I should start one!

(hahaha I'd be run out of town, I live in a small southern backwoods town consisting primarily of devout southern baptists..you think a black hat society would go over well here?)

I've seen a few of these "Black Hat Society" groups are for women over the age of 40, that's cool. I'll have to think about starting one of those up, seriously.

Matter of fact, I think I've made a decision to start wearing the 'odd' witchy clothes. Now, I don't mean the 'new age' goth clothes..oh no. I'm talking more along the lines of the swishy sheer type fabric like Endora wore!

(those type of clothes look so much more cool when you swing your arms up in the midst of a spell!)

So here's to all the Crones out there..wear the 'hats'
(and they don't HAVE to be black either!)
and wear the swishy clothes
(they are loose too!) 
make people wonder about you! It'll make life so much more interesting!
( and maybe make others a little bit..skeered)

Ohh what fun!!
(I love making people wonder about me..and skeered!)

Have a great day!

The Crone of Skeered People
Sage