BEWARE: What lies ahead is a long (very long), semi comical truly honest post about who I am and why I'm here! BE PREPARED..YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!
Hi, let me introduce myself. I'm Sage and this is the Saged Crone space.
First of all, I'm a Witch (run now while you have time!) ..a Pagan, an Earthling (dammit) and a Goddess (even if it is in my own little world). I've been a witch since I was very young (ohh about 9). At the time of this writing, I'm 50. That means I've been practicing the magical arts in one way or another for over 40 years. That's a long time. That makes me a Crone, Guardian of the West and general all around Cauldron stirrer.
I've done the Solitary thing, the Coven thing, the small group thing, the teaching thing, the coming out and even the hiding in a broom closet thing. I've learned a bit along the way and even discovered some things I wish I hadn't. I've run the gammet and I find myself back at square one.
Solitary. I think I prefer it.
I'm not perfect nor do I want to be. I'm a fat southern witch who's dedicated to powdering her ass in the heat of a southern summer! Trust me when I tell you, a fat southern womans best friend in the summertime is powder and a fan. Add to that the fact that menopause has set in and good gawd look out! I could heat the northern climes for a year and still have plenty to spare! That's another subject that we will delve into at a later time though..moving on.
Having raised two children born to me and helping along the way with several children not born to me, I'm now a Grandmother to 3 beautiful children whom I adore.
Through my life I've been married, divorced and shacked up almost one hands worth (and if you don't know what that means..don't worry it's not too important).
Suffice it to say, I'm currently married to an old ass like me (except..he's crotchety) and our main conversations in life are about aches, pains and being tired. (that's when we bother to have conversations!) SERIOUSLY!
We don't always get along, because when I said he was crotchety, I was serious. I'm usually a very happy go lucky, funny, witty and all around fun person, but I swear his hero is Ebeneezer Scrooge and he strives on a daily basis to be just like him. He's the perfect cross between Scrooge, Archie Bunker and Eeyore.
Nuff said on that.
On to more important things, like why I have begun this blog. (which I hope to expand eventually).
When Ebeneezer and I met I was very much a practicing pagan..a witch in all sense of the word. ( and no I don't follow a particular path but my own). However, during our year of courtship my life changed and I'm still trying to find or remember when the road forked and I took a wrong turn. Either way, I strayed from my path and just kind of stopped practicing. It was always in the back of my mind of course, and there were occasionally the few random events in which I pulled out the old witchy what nots to do what I needed to do, but nothing like I used to.
What the hell happened? Better yet, when the hell did it happen? I have no idea, but I do have a clue. (read on my friends)
(FAST FORWARD 3+ YEARS)
For the past year or so my life has been, well not the best. A bit topsy-turvy, a bit confused and a lot lost. I found myself running and going no where, getting nothing accomplished, nothing gained, nothing earned.
I also realize I didn't loose everything either. I was in a bubble, running up against invisible walls, but not realizing I was doing it. I'd hit a wall and just bounce off and go in another direction never realizing I was lost! WTH?
Something happened recently, I'm not even sure what, but things began to be 'shown' to me. The fact that I was unhappy for one. Unhappy with EVERYTHING. I was sullen and boring. I was not fun anymore. I was not me. I was someone else. Can I blame anyone for this? Well, there are a few circumstances that helped me along the way. I won't lie, but I won't lay total blame at the feet of someone else. I'm just as responsible for falling into the mire as the someone else who showed me the way.
(When you live with someone who's entire life is a buffet of bad outlook, pity and grump you tend to follow suit after so long.)
Add to this the fact that 'the change' of life has hit me and it is not pretty. My life was spiraling into an abyss of black with a quickness.
Let me dispel any thoughts you may have that I was depressed. That is not the case. I went about my daily life like normal doing what I always did (minus a lot of 'witchy') I was just not the happy person I used to be.
The best way to explain it is this.
If you stand too close to a smokey fire, one that just smolders and smokes but never flames, eventually you will get covered in the black smoke it emits if you don't move or fan it out of the way. It will engulf you and you will find yourself fighting for every breath you take.
The darkness will over take you and swallow you whole. You will become just like that smoldering fire, emitting your own blackness and foul moods.
Greetings Ebeneezer.
Funny thing is, I didn't emit that same foul mood, I just lived in it. I was not who I used to be, I had become the eater of gloom.
Outside of that fire (read: when Ebeneezer was not around) I did communicate to others; family members and a few friends. I was my happy go lucky, funny and outrageous self with them. I was almost normal when I was with them, away from the smolder.
About a month ago I went on vacation to NC. My brother and his wife had invited me and my best friend, my sister, to go along with them for a week on the beach. I gladly accepted. I would be able to breathe something other then blackness for a whole week, I was elated.
During that week, we drank wine, we soaked up the sun, we laughed and we talked.
That was the week that something changed, that something was me realizing I was drowning in gloom and I had a choice to continue or not. Actually, it was after I came back to the gloom that I realized it, but it was the freedom of that week at the beach that made me see what I was becoming. MRS. EBENEEZER!
Now, I'm still married and have no intention of not being so (I don't think), but I and I alone am the only one who can keep my nose out of the mire, my mind out of the blackness and my thoughts out of gloom.
I refuse to be the 'cheer' for Ebeneezer when he simply ignores it and grumps it away, I'll come here instead.
Hence, the reason for this blog.
The other reasons for this blog. I'm old. I'm in the change. I'm a Witch. I'm a Crone.
I'm not fluffy bunny in any way, shape or form. If you're squeamish and want fluffy bunny, you've come to the wrong place.
I cuss, I drink wine, I practice magic, I bitch and I moan. I also make jokes, mostly at myself, but who better!?
I'm a country witch, I live on a small farm, I'm lazy sometimes and sometimes I'm not. I'm old fashioned and I'm modern at the same time. I use coupons and wash collards in the washing machine! (blink blink). I make quilts, sew, craft and I blog.
I have hot flashes, night sweats, chills, dizzy spells, arthritis in my ankles and my knees and dammit, I'm married. (sigh) I'd rather live alone but I can't
(I'm close though..Ebeneezer works nights and sleeps days..I deal!), so I stay married. I avoid Ebeneezer's black smoke when I can and deal with it when I have to, I've just stopped breathing it!
I'm a Taurus, so I'm stubborn and bull headed. I can get long winded (see this post), and short tempered. I love to cook (as my waistline attests to) and I hate to cook everyday.
I don't use an alarm clock and I rise everyday by 6 am. I'm not much of a sleeper and right now, sex is the furthest thing from mind, kinda like winning the lottery..not gonna happen!
Ohh one more thing. I'm not an English major, I write like I think. I don't always use spell check although I try.
I said it already, I'm not perfect nor do I strive to be. I'm me, a southern menopausal witch who douses herself in powder, suffers insomnia most days and stays away from black smoke.
