A Convent..yes, I need to start a convent!

Know in advance.. Skip over this post if you're not a Crone yet, because you WON'T get it.  This is a long tirade of a post don't begin unless you have the time!

Conversation with a Friend:

I'll tell you now, don't read this if you absolutely love men and find no fault in them. Then again, maybe you should read this.
If you find no fault in men, it just means you're still young enough to be 'love stupid'. This post will give you a heads up, a fair warning, a foot in the door if you will.
Then when you continue to make 'love stupid' mistakes, all the Crones out there will be able to say things like ..."You were warned!" and "Told you so!"

(and laugh maniacally behind your back)

The other day, I was in a rare form and mood. (Read: Men hatin')
I ended up having a conversation via the net with a friend. Herein lies some of that conversation. Not all mind you, but most.

Where applicable, the names have been changed to protect the innocent budding Crones.

And so the conversation began: (Emphasis added and all text written inside parenthesis added)

Me: If I start working 48 hours a week, I can tell you this..Dementor will be doing his own cleaning (laundry included) and cooking.. ..if we are both working..I cannot nor will I be responsible for his stuff..or the cleaning of the house..we both will or we'll hire a maid. Period


(We'll be able to afford one!)

Budding Crone: so are you getting divorced or just living day to day?

Me: no..but I'll get as close as possible. Day to day.. Not much I can do..(the new job will not support the monthly expenses) ..Just say less to the dementor..we'll be passing each other in the hall, see very little of each other..he'll become a happier camper once he's not the only 'bread winner'..and we'll just have to deal with each other.. It's just like I told my sister..he doesn't WANT to leave..and getting him out is going to be the big thing..

I've already asked him to leave 3x's in the last year..he refused. The last time I told him to leave his reply was "No, it'll cost me more if I do leave!"  He's very money oriented, he wants all the toys and joys but he doesnt want to have to owe on them..he wants fun money even though he doesnt go and have 'fun

 For instance, he says he's a fisherman..he LOVES to fish, so he bought a boat and now he makes every excuse in the book for reasons he can't go fishing..the biggest one.."I can't afford it" the boat costs gas..I have to work over time to pay just the bills..and the list goes on and on.  That's why he watches all the sports shows including golfing and fishing..cuz he's an armchair athlete! He was making more money when he bought the boat..but he was working too much to use it! He was too tired then!

(that's the excuse he used then!)

Budding Crone:  jesus what an asshole

Me: He's made me very suspicious lately..he's been 'helpful' about the house..and has been pleasant again..even participated in christmas..which was scary.

Budding Crone: is he cheating on you?

Me: noooooooooooooooooo that I am sure of. He has no time. I can account for every bit of money
(I know this because I check the bank account without his knowledge to see where the money goes!)
..and his time  I wish he was cuz I'd tell him to move in with HER! But I'd call her..and warn her..I swear I would..  My mama always told me to share my toys and quite frankly..I'm done with this toy it's broken..so SHE can have it! I believe in charity!
and I'd be happy to tell her where it's broken.

Budding Crone: LOL ..so how's the whole menopause thing going?

Me: gawddamnit..aunt flo showed up yesterday..but it's light in flo and very dark..so not sure how long it's gonna last, other then that..getting the night sweats still and SURELY not wanting sex..ohh no no especially with dementor.

Budding Crone:  I have the drive just not a willing partner

Me: oh hell girl..no drive here..not with ANY partner..no no no don't want it.."DON'T TOUCH ME!" don't even look at me funny. I cringe when he 'kisses me hello and goodnight.
(which he still does..it's a mere peck, but damnit..I don't want that either!)
I so don't want him to get in 'my space' and DONT TOUCH ME!

Budding Crone: I don't think I will ever get that way. My girlfriend tells me I have the sex drive of a man and that I'm not natural.

Me: You're not there yet but..you'll get there.  I can COMPLETELY understand why older women turn gay..oh yes yes yes I can. how old are you now?

Budding Crone: just turned 42

Me: ohh my my my, you'll see...and it may take longer for you..but you WILL loose it. Men will disgust you ..in all ways, even when they fucking breath! You'll just want to choke the living shit out of them...oh yes

Budding Crone: damn you sound like a bitter woman...LOL

Me: no..not bitter. just menopausal..and 'enlightened' to the fact that all men truly are pigs..and deserve nothing less the castration and servitude.  I so wish we could go back to the days of Amazon women who used men as slaves and for sexual pleasure only..other then that..they were dirt under our feet. That's the way it needs to be again today!
Oh yes I say we just freeze up the 'good sperm' (of which there aren't many) and toss all men into a pit. A deep pit..and listen to them scream like girls!
I tell you amazons knew what the world was supposed to be like..oh yes.
Not ONE man I know..NOT ONE..(and I've known and had my share of them honey) can keep a clean toilet. Good gawd and NOT ONE..thinks it's their responsibility to clean it.
OH WAIT..I LIED! I DID know one. ONE in all the men I've known and he was as gay as the day is long. Gay men have more female genes then they are supposed to have..so you can't REALLY put them in the polluted gene pool with all the other pigmen therefore..my statement was correct. NOT ONE MAN I know...can keep a clean toilet nor feels it necessary to clean up after their own shit.
PERFECT example: I brought home dinner for the dementor tonight..a steak and cheese sub. I bought it with MY Christmas money...

Budding Crone: did he even say thank you

Me:  Oh hell no...I KNOW you have got to be kidding! Anyway.. his PAPER plate, mind you paper only requires that you get off your dead ass and toss it in the trash..no washing involved,  but his paper plate is......where? Right by his shitty assed recliner..where he was listening to talking heads before he went to bed.  (TALKING HEADS means..all those political news bastards that want to debate over what this one said or that one said and not one damned bit of it makes one difference..they talk so they can hear the glory of their own voices)
I tell you..ALL MEN are pigs.
Egotistical, self rightious bastards who think they are the superior of the species and 'know' what's best for the human race. Tsk tsk ..how can they know shit....they are barely out of the trees themselves and I bet you dollars to doughnuts not one of them can even wipe their ass properly after a healthy shit because they are too busy reading while sitting on the john!
What's up with that? Really? I mean..I go in..I do my thing..and I"m OUTTA there! I don't sit and lollygag about on the toilet..I can honestly say that is not my choice of rooms to lounge in!

The only man I love is my grandson (and my son of course, but still..he's a man with some of the same qualities) and it's a shame he'll end up just like all the other men eventually (my daughter and I mentioned that today!)
Another thing..romance..where the hell did men learn the shit they are trying to pull off as romance..cuz they are clueless. Romance ......they dont even know or understand the meaning of the word. Foreplay sure as shit doesnt start in the bedroom..it starts in the morning with a good morning kiss, a touch and a hug then continues all throughout the day with the softest of touches the kindest of gestures and the adoration of each other. Then it ends in the bedroom that night.  It certainly doesn't start with sneaking up behind your wife while she's doing dishes (after she has cooked and cleaned for hours) and rutting away at her ass saying "you gonna give it up tonight?"
OHHHHHMYGGAWD! Jeesusus..men are SO STUPID!
(I just want to turn and slap the eyeballs right outta his head! ..by the by..this has not happened in a LONG time..thank goddess!)
Women are natural nurturers and born 'fixers'..and we always try to fix the broken ones..and honey..as one comedian says "YOU CANT FIX STUPID!" Men..suck. And prince charming is a total figment of our imagination because that's what we WISH men were..but that aint NEEEEVER gonna happen.

Budding Crone:  yeah we were sold a bag of shit on that one

Me: two bags..cuz we fell for it and believed he existed..and then when we found a man and we KNEW he wasn't quite right we said "I can fix this"  
(we have our own brand of stupid too!)
Men..marry hoping their woman will never change...women marry so they can try to change the man..it's fucked up.  I tell you..I should have gone into a nunnary after my last break up! Only problem with that is............Jesus is a man and so is God. soo I'd still have 'male issues' in a convent!  Besides all that..there aren't any pagan convents!
Maybe I should start one!
A female version of  L. Ron Hubbard ...maybe I should! "Give up all your wordly goods and follow me..I'll make you fishers of women!" I bet I could preach.

A Modern Avalon...pagan convent for women only..wait..MENOPAUSAL women only..cuz you really don't get this way until you get menopausal..then you realize just how stupid YOU have been about men..and how truly worthless they are.
End of conversation:

My notes on the subject:
Menopausal women are enlightened women. We see the truth behind a man..and sad to say..there is none.
Most men think women are inferior ..and they hold no value beyond what they can 'give' or do for the man. 
England (one of the oldest surviving countries) is run by a women, and has been for a long time. If you tell this to Dementor he'll say "she's only a 'show piece'..there to appease the people. She has no power, nor anything to do with running the government."
Hmm..I wonder..has he never seen the movie "Elizabeth"?
Dementor most definitely falls into the category of thinking males are superior, especially him.
All of society believes this, it really hasn't changed.
Men do think with their dicks. Magazines flaunt women in the sexiest of outfits, the skimpiest of clothes and the most provocative of poses to get men to buy said magazine or product. WHY? Because Sex sells.
(GOOD GAWD..A man's day begins with a hard on!)
Sex sells because a man KNOWS it will net him something.. And greed is rampant.
Sex and Greed.
Sad to say, women have fallen into this trap as well. Their greed allows them to be part of the product. They flash their bodies and sell their souls for the almighty dollar. Who are they selling it to? Men..and men buy it. It's all about men.
We have given them far too much power. Far too much.

Crone of  The Saged Convent,

Sage

The Destitution of a 48 Hour Work week

Decisions decisions. I sometimes hate making decisions.

Let me update you.
Some information first for those who may not know it. The area in which I live is a very 'meager' area as the average goes.
(I believe with the trouble the US is in right now, we have more 'poor/meager' areas then ever before) 
The job market here is little to none, and none of the jobs pay well. Most jobs available here are part time and minimum wage only. If it isn't, you're working 50 to 60 hours a week for a low wage that is still not enough to support a household.
Which is the reason many people in this area are two income families, or, one person works two jobs.
(unless a significant other has a good paying job out of town)

Herein has been my problem. Jobs here don't pay well enough to support ME..living alone, spending only what is absolutely necessary.
(jobs at a greater distance might pay more, but my car is NOT gas efficient) 

Now when I tell you 'only what is absolutely necessary'..I mean it. (with the exception of one thing)

In my 'must have/pay' list are these items

Mortgage
Electric
Phone/Net (the net is my 'exception'), and I don't mean CELL phone, I mean HOUSE phone.
Insurances (car and house)
Groceries
Gas (for car)
Personal Property Taxes (yearly..car and home)

Notice this list does not include Cable, 'fun money', car payment or health insurance.

Got all this??
Ok, I have the opportunity to MAYBE get a job. The job requires a 48 hour week. (that's a lot)  The sad part?? Even though it pays better then most jobs here, it's only a modicum over minimum wage and it will not pay enough to support the house.

I crunched numbers all day yesterday. For hours and hours. Lowering this and lowering that, trying to figure out any way possible to reduce the pay out amount. I got to the point, where I was only allowing myself 25$ a week for gas in the vehicle  
(that won't even get me to work for a week, but I may be able to carpool 1/2 the time)
and $60 a month on groceries.  
(not necessarily an impossibility with couponing, but damn near it).
Those were the 'flexible' expenditures that I took as low as I could possibly go. (I always kept my electric at the same rate because it very rarely dips below 150$ and always goes well above 200$ in the summer.
(remember..I live in southern hell!)

You know what's sad. It didn't matter how much I crunched, how much I played and moved money from one place to the other, I was always short. (based on what my pay would most likely be)

How sad is that..that I can go to work and bust ass for 48 hours a week and still not be able to support myself? How sad is that? WTH?

I'll be heading down to fill out app and talk to HR manager next Monday (Jan 2)..I'm going to ask for a start date of Jan 9th (the same day Dementors new 'night' shift schedule starts). Keep your fingers crossed for this old Crone..
If the job is offered to me, I do plan on taking it. I'm going to take small measures in life right now.. and deal with things one day at a time.  First the job, then figure out the freedom.


The Crone of One day at a time decisions

Sage

The Yo-Yo of Mother Nature

Sistahs!! I'm here to tell you, Mother Nature is a bitch. Oh yes she is.

I had a headache yesterday that was edging on a migraine. All day.
Did you read that?...ALL DAY!
I could not for the life of me get rid of it. I ate meds like candy! NUTTIN! It hurt to move my eyes in my head!
It eased to about 1/2 by the time I laid down on the couch to sleep..which was 9pm.

(good gawd, I'm getting old..who the hell over the age of 13 goes to bed at 9pm?)
Of course, I've never been much of a sleeper. 5 hours and I'm good to go (sometimes less..like 3!)

I woke this morning at 4..(and several times before that I might add) Got up, made coffee, emptied the dishwasher (quietly..so as not to wake the snoring monster aka; dementor) and then went to the bathroom.

Well well well, there she was, bold as brass! AUNT FLO!!!! WTH??
Now, I know why the headache.
Now, I have cramps AND a headache.
Why in the hell has my body betrayed me in such a vile manner!??
(8 months no flo...then flo visits for a solid month with a week break in between..wth?)

I repeat, Mother Nature is a bitch.

     Dear Mother Nature: 

     This yo-yo thing is for the damned birds. Either I'm done..or I'm not, but  LORDY, don't make  me suffer 'both maladies' while you make up your mind! 

                                                                                                                    Sage


(However, I already feel better today then I did yesterday! This is a good thing)

Needless to say, what with the major headache yesterday I did not get everything accomplished I wanted to. I did collect many of the Christmas decorations and at least put them in one place..near the storage bins they go in. Maybe today I'll get it packed away. My goal is to have the tree down by Saturday. I really don't want to bring the new year in with anything left over from the old.

(Hmmmm....makes me wonder what to do with Dementor!)

I've never been one to keep a decoration up for long, nor put them up so early that I'm sick of them by the time I take them down.  I don't put my tree up at Thanksgiving, and not on Dec 1 either. Tradition for me has always been up on Dec. 15 and down the day of New Years eve. That's a two week stint..that's enough for me. And no..I'm not a Scrooge by any means. I do the same with Ostara (Easter) and Samhain (Halloween) decorations.

Anyway, there is much in the works for my New Year. Many possibilities, many options to take and many decisions to be made. A lot to think about.
I tried pulling out the cards the other day, I really wanted to read for the upcoming year. Once I pulled them, I had the feeling it was not the right time. They didn't give me the vibe that I know they can when the time is right. So I'm going to opt to write down this pull, but, I'm going to reshuffle and repeat on New Years Eve like I normally do. I think I was trying to push it too soon.

What are your plans for the upcoming year? Changes? Something new? Something old?

In whatever you do, I wish you luck.
May your New Year be a joy to live and a revelation in hope. :)

 The Crone of Yo-Yo's

Sage

Dementored Martyrdom

First ...I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday..we've got one more to go, then ..it's back to the grindstone if you will.

I was surprised at our Christmas celebration. Dementor participated and seemed very happy about it. This almost makes me wonder.

(Who am I fooling..it makes me suspicious!)

Dementor hates Christmas. Ohh and sad to say, he hung out here instead of heading to Florida as I had hoped. But back to what I was saying. Dementor hates Christmas. But this year, he participated! WTH?

It does make me suspicious. Suspicious enough that I snooped again today. See..yesterday Dementor spent about 4 hours on the computer. He doesn't usually do that

(although he complains to others that's all *I* do..ppfft!)

So, being the witchy snoop that I am, I looked at where he went, what he perused and just who he was sending email and such to.
(oh..and by the by, I'm pretty sure he has a second email that he uses for more 'private' correspondence) Meh. 
It seems Dementor was checking out lots of 'campers' yesterday. The kind you tow and the kind you drive. He also checked out a few 'rent' places to place said camper. Could this possibly mean what I think it means? Will my new year be a happy year?? Could it be so??

I do worry though.
I only worry because I currently don't have a job and finding one around here that will pay me enough to keep my house is a HUGE HUGE problem.
(Sigh)
I've done it before, and can do it again, but ..I was younger then. Being a crone keeps one from getting the foot in the door most times. Sad to say, it's true.
Either way, the New Year is bringing along with it many new changes for me. And (as 1 of 5 always says) "I'm ok with that."
As long as I can find work enough to support me, I'm surely ok with that. I hope he does find a lovely trailer to buy and moves his silly self right into it!

I may be cutting off my nose to spite my face as the saying goes, but I'll deal with whatever life throws at me at this point.
The past two or three days I have been filled with suspicion. He has been uuber pleasant ..and even 'helping about the house'..(in areas I wish he wouldn't).
Sad thing is ..he's not doing it to 'help me out'. He's doing it so he can become the martyr and complain to others that *I* don't do it..and he has to. This is the way he works. Other then that..he never helps out in the house..NEVER. He's even taken to doing a few loads of laundry as of late. I tell you, it all makes me very very suspicious.
So I'll end this year on a suspicious note, a determined note and with a hint of freedom in the air. I'll start the new year with a determination in general, as I must.

The Crone of Suspicion

Sage

PS. I was going to wait till the New Year to read my cards, but I think I may do it today. I'm itching for it.

$0.20 Cents a day with a Dementor

I may have a reason to have a lovely Holiday.  Now..I don't know this for sure...by any means. BUT..Dementor may head south for the Yule Celebration. Mind you this is purely conjecture...but by a little snooping, and the events of yesterday..it's plausible.
Here's the deal. Dementor is not very computer savvy..not at all. He uses IE and I use Mozilla. When he logs into some place, he doesn't log out. So I am able to check his various accounts and of course, all his history of where he's been. I don't check it often, I have no need to, cuz I really don't care.

(if he'd find someone else and leave..I'd be happy as a pig in shit)

Either way...after yesterdays events, (big blow up between us) and knowing he was alone here all day yesterday (cause I left after the blow up.) This morning...I checked several of his accounts (facebook, yahoo, etc). What I saw may have given me a clue as to what I MAY expect by this weekend.
(and I'm hoping!)

Some quick history; his kids..(he has two)  very very rarely see him.
(Or call) His daughter is always saying 'she has to work' and can't take the time off. Same with his son.

Well, lo and behold when I looked this morning, his facebook showed a post from his daughter that mentioned that she was surprised she had the holidays off and could spend it with family. (and her birthday is on the 23rd too boot)

Hmmmm says I? I wonder which family she's speaking of?
Maybe..could it be possible that Dementor is going to go down and visit??

(cuz I know she won't travel up here)
Could it be so...?? PUHLEASE!!
(maybe he'll stay)

(Matter of fact, day before yesterday he mentioned in an 'off handed way'.."so we have no plans for Christmas right? We aren't going anywhere? No one is coming over?" I replied.."Nope. We are doing Christmas the day before" )


So, all of this seems mighty suspicious doesn't it? And why would he try to 'hide' or sneak something like this...I SOOOO could care less and would LOVE it if he would leave for the Holidays!!! Egads, you have NO clue how happy that would make me!!
I'm trying not to get my hopes built up..but I've got every available finger and toe crossed let me tell you!!

(matter of fact, I'm thinking of mentioning it to him "why don't you go visit your kiddos'..isn't your daughters birthday coming up? It would be nice I think)
I just don't know if I want to talk to him.
See...we haven't spoken since the blow up yesterday.
It was a stupid reason for him to get all bent out of shape, but I knew the 'good times' were nearly over.
(as I have mentioned in previous posts) 

I actually saw the 'switch' flip in him yesterday when we were at the store ..
(MY mistake there..I asked if he wanted to go shopping with me..heaven forbid I EVER do that again....will I ever learn?)
Anyway....he went from a stint of decent behavior, to full blown Dementor in the blink of an eye.
(why? Cuz we were spending money grocery shopping!)

Which reminds me:
I need to make another post of "Weekly Conversations with an Idiot" cuz on the way home from the grocery store, he made the statement of "we need to go back to just six things to eat..there is no reason we should not be able to eat on .20 cents a day".............(GASP..what?  You're kidding me right?)
I asked him "which century was HE living in?" At that point he shut up..not saying another word.
(I guess that question pissed him off...LOL) 
I waited about 10 minutes and then asked "So what 6 things would you choose to eat all the time?" He ignored me, shaking his head, smirking up his lips as if the question *I* had just asked was absurd. He said no more. He ignored me at at this point.

See...he can come up with the craziest of things, but if put to the test to defend them..he scoots to a corner with haste.

Anyway..now I have to decide whether to play the fool and talk to him..pretending like nothing is wrong, so that I can 'suggest' heavily that he go visit his kids for the Holidays  OR...I keep up with the silence, because honestly, I'm doing my best to pretend he doesn't exist! LOL

All that said and done, I must go work some magic. Oh yes....there is more then one way to skin a cat
(or to get one out of your house for a few days!)

Till later!

The Crone of skinning cats

Sage

The Lemons of Life

Here it is, one week before X-mas eve and I'm just getting around to putting up my tree. It's not up yet, but that's the goal for today. Why oh why am I so out of the 'spirit' of things this year?
I cannot say it's been the best of years, nor the easiest. Maybe that's why. Who knows.


I'm sitting here struggling with words to put here. I'm just out of sorts this morning. I have been for a few days.
Lazy has lived with me. Yesterday, I don't think I moved much beyond the couch, nor the day before.


Don't you ever just wonder why and how we get into the moods we get in? Is it really hormones or something we eat? Maybe in the air we breathe. Why is that when I am at my worst as far as energy level and gumption goes is when the Dementor is at his best. Isn't that strange? Or is that by clever design? His.


I could tell this morning he was a bit on the grumpy side. I'll know more when he comes home this evening, but it wasn't looking good this morning.

<shrug> I so don't care. He is at work today,
(overtime for him, he should be ecstatic)
which leaves the whole day open for me to decorate without having to walk around the lump in the recliner. This is a good thing. Mind you, he hasn't been horrible for several weeks it seems. Either something is up....or he's learned that I'm onto him and don't care anymore. Wonder which it is?

Could the X-mas spirit be getting him??

(HA! That's a joke, no way in hell. He associates Yule with money..and well, we all know how he feels about money!)

He starts 'third' shift on the 2nd of January. My life will be re-arranged again.
In a way, I'll be glad.

Now that my crafting/sewing area is at the other end of the house, I can spend my days in there away from the snoring dementor and I'll have the bed to myself each night not having to endure the snoring dementor.

This is a win win situation I think.
(of course, my bed will never be made up. Shrug..I can deal with that)


I'll have visitors next week. My sister and her daughter are coming down for a few days. It's a good thing my house is in decent order. I'd be in panic mode right now if they weren't. Of course, this just gives me another reason to make sure my tree and decorations are up.  This is a good thing. I need the push.

I have something to say..it's not pretty. It's downright nasty. But here it is.

Life is unfair.
Yes, yes it is.
The Dementor had a 'check up' via his job the other day. His blood pressure was good, his weight was over, his cholesterol count was GINORMOUS (in the 300's).
(blink blink)
When I met the dementor, his weight was down, his blood pressure was up and his cholesterol was GINORMOUS. (in the 300's).

When I met the Dementor..my weight was normal (126), my blood pressure on the low end (I averaged 80's/60's) my cholesterol was low (111).
(blink blink..good numbers by the way)
(not only that..I did aerobic exercise 2x's a week and did a light weightlifting work out 1x a week)

Then how come *I'm* the one who had the heart attack..and he's still pluggin along with a cholesterol up that high??? I don't get it. I just don't get it.

The Crone of  Yule Decorations

Sage

This is the song that never ends....

Have you ever heard the song "This is the song that never ends"?

Well..I've got something else that never ends.

If you'll remember on Dec 1 I put a post up about Aunt Flo's visit. Well, ..she has never left! She's been here two weeks!! I'll grant you she has ebbed out to a mere smear for a few days ..then back up to more and more and more..and I find this morning she's back with a vengeance, but she has never left!

I had a friend once who said "all women are evil...anything that can bleed for 7 days and still live is evil". I got that beat..try 15 days now. 15 days! WTH?

Should I mention me and Aunt Flo hate each other. Oh yes, and I'm starting to get ill will toward Mother Nature too! This is ridiculous!
(sigh)
There isn't much one can do of course, so here I am, bitching to my cronies. Pun intended.

On to finer things.
I am done with my Yule shopping. All of it. Done! This does give me an inner feeling of satisfaction..yes, yes it does. Now I just have to decorate and wrap all the gifts. The house is fairly decent..needs some work here and there, but decent enough that in a few days I'll be able to put up the tree and other decorations only to take them down again a week later. So the answer to the question burning in your mind is "no" the spirit of Yule/Christmas has still not passed this way. I'm just not feeling it this year.

I'm not quite as bad as scrooge mind you (or dementor) but I just can't seem to find that warm fuzzy 'hot chocolate' feeling for the season this year. I don't think I'm the only one either.

I'm tempted to go back to bed. Last night was the first night I'd slept in my bed in many weeks it seems.
I caught the dementor on a good night.
See..lately the Dementor has been snoring like he's cutting down Sherwood Forest.. I'm expecting to see the walls of the house suck in and out like the Flintstones house did when Fred snored. He's been that bad. There is no way in hell I could fall asleep with that buzz saw next to me. Oh no.

I've decided, that on the next night he's that bad, I'm going to record him. Oh yes I am. Indeed. I want HIM to hear it! 
Not only does he snore like a snuffulupagus..but he won't stop moving! Every minute or so, he has to move, wiggle or squirm.
I am a totally different kind of sleeper. I won't say that I don't occasionally snore myself..but I get in the bed, get comfortable and there I stay. I very rarely move at night. Matter of fact, I move so little at night that in the morning, making my bed is a breeze.
All I have to do is slip out from under the covers and pull them up. There is no 'muss' in my bed when I get up. I don't toss and turn and twist ..causing chaos in the sheets at night. NOPE..I'm a still sleeper.
Dementor on the other hand, will twist the sheets like he's caught up in the tornado carrying him off to Oz!

( I WISH something would carry him off!)

Do you watch re-runs of old 60's shows, like I love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show or maybe even Leave it to Beaver? In those shows, it was 'taboo' to show the couple in one bed. You do realize this right?
You never saw them sleeping in the same bed
(how they got their children is beyond me..but anyway). 
I've begun to think the dementor and I may need to turn back the clock in our bedroom to the 60's too. Separate beds. Unfortunately it would do no good, I'd still be able to hear him snore. 
We need separate rooms.
Wonder if he would go for it?

Enough bemoaning for the day, I must get to work. I'm still in the process of the 'house revamp' ..near completion of course, but there are still things to do before the big day.
Today however, it feels like my get up and go got up and went without me. I'll have to push myself.

Gawd, where is Samantha from Bewitched when you need her. Just a twitch of the nose..and poof! I could solve a lot of my problems!

The Crone of Un-twisted sheets

Sage

Christmas Spirit..where are you?

Why has the Christmas spirit not hit me yet?  Did I miss 'his/her' visit? what?

Is it because I've had to live and be tormented by scrooge incarnate all year long? what?

Is it because money is tight this year?? Hell...that's nothing new really..it's always tight.

I even started watching Christmas movies yesterday..still, nothing is working.
The very thought of putting up the tree seems like 'work' to me. WHY?

Should I be worried?
Has scrooge rubbed off on me?
(maybe I should take a very very hot shower and scrub it off)

Could it be because my house is chaos right now and it may not be ready by Christmas? What?

Is it because our weather hasn't turned cold enough?

Christmas is only 20 days away. Can I find the spirit of it by then?

Is it because I'm a menopausal crone?

My shopping is 99% complete....but I'm not.
What is going on here?

Two years ago I had x-mas trees and decorations all over the house..yep, including the bathroom!

Last year I was much better then this year, but not as much as the year before.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Or is there anything wrong with me?

Oh Christmas spirit..where are you?

Someone, tell me how to find it.

Where is it hiding?

That feeling of being 'overwhelmed' is trying to creep back in. I can feel it. I don't need it right now..not now.

Just as soon as I get the house 'complete' with it's transformation, I'll have to take it all down and put up the Christmas joy. Is this a job or a nightmare? Are we sure it's not Halloween still?

Maybe I'm just getting old. Ya reckon?

Some days it feels like I have far too much to do, but on the flip side of that coin, I have all the time in the world. I have the same amount of time as everyone else...yet, I cannot seem to accomplish the things I want to accomplish. Which then leads to a depression of sorts, becoming overwhelmed.. because I didn't get it done, which leads to more lackadaisical attitude because I feel like I can't get it done,  which continues the viscous cycle. WTH?

I woke this morning with all the brightness in the universe, dreaming of 'getting it done'..thinking the spirit would visit me today. And here it is 3 hours later and all I've accomplished to do is, check the net, read the news, clean the kitchen and take out dinner. What the hell is wrong with me??

Is anyone else having these problems? Is it in the air? Is it in the water?
(sigh)
OH well, I'm off to continue look for the Christmas spirit. Maybe...just maybe today..it'll show up.


The Crone of Christmas Past

Sage

Baiting a Dementor

You know, this is becoming a more and more regular thing. I should probably title this post "Weekly Conversations with an Idiot"....but alas..I'll be semi nice and continue with 'dementor'. It suits him.

I have to tell you how much of an armchair rebel and politician the dementor is. And how I baited him yesterday.
See, I'm really really getting a better ''view' of the dementor and finding out just what irritates him, just what makes him tick. And just how to 'sting' when I can. I'm starting to take great joy in it.

(that's sick isnt it?)

He is the king of his own world, he is the master and he is superman. To him at least. He has called himself superman 3x's in the last week. What does this tell you? Ego much?

Yesterday, at breakfast the TV was on the news and they were talking of this and that going on in the world. I can't remember the exact topic, it wasn't that important to me at the time.
Dementor was listening though.

D: "I tell you..we are giving up our rights one by one...soon we will have none!"
(it dawned on me he used the word 'we'...it was time to do a little baiting myself)
ME: "I take it since you used the word 'we' you are including yourself."
D: (blink blink, looking quite taken aback) "I voice my opinion..I complain when I need to"
ME: "Oh..to the tv sure..from your armchair..sure.."
D: "No..I talk about it to others..!"
(getting a little riled now I might add..I put him on the spot..made him realize how hypocritical he was, that he was just as much a part of the problem and most assuredly not part of the solution)
ME: "Do you get out there and picket, strike or do anything about it?..no ..if you want something done, you can't do it inside these four walls"
D: "I'm only one person and can't do anything!" (he almost whined!)
ME: "That's the sad part, that's the same attitude everyone else has too."

At this point, he rolled his eyes, shood me off with his hand and said in a rather pissed off tone "NEVER MIND!" This was done with a 'look' as if to say I was the idiot and didn't understand. Trust me, I understood perfectly..he was an armchair rebel. The only thing he was ever going to do about any of it was yell at the TV. I looked at him with complete knowledge of this on my face and  as sly knowing smile.  .....he changed the subject.

I've discovered that he will shoo you off..and change the subject when he thinks he's about ready to be caught between a rock and a hard place. (or he's been found to be the 'bluff' he knows he is) He does this with great relish to make YOU appear the idiot..or the 'dumb' one.
(hahaha..he's finding out, that I'm on to him with it..he's loosing ground)

He'll do the same with an argument. He'll yell back quick and overshadow his apponent with words that mean nothing, changing the subject entirely and usually walk away telling you 'this conversation is over'..ending it on his terms, feeling triumphant in himself..taking away a 'superman' attitude.

The last time we argued..I whispered and walked away. ..it irked him to no end.
(BINGO! I found some poison)

It's amazing really. I've been with the dementor for 5 years (we dated for a year before we got married and we were married in 2007). During that time, I have not made it my 'goal' to 'learn' this man in that way.
I wonder why? I mean seriously, I usually make it a point to 'dig deep' on most people..just so I KNOW when and what to do in times where I need to. With this man..I did not. How odd that is.

Those days are over.
Superman is about to loose his cape.
Now..to figure out what 'baiting fun' I can pull off today!!
here doggy doggy doggy

I'm soo evil aren't I?

The Crone of dog biscuits

Sage

Baby Elephants and Wrigleys Gum

Most people use the phrase 'pain in the butt'..hell I've even been known to use the phrase 'pain in the dick'.


(thanks to my son who said it around me..and it stuck. I thought it hilarious)

However, I think I'll be changing my 'pain in the butt/dick' to ...'pain in the boobs'. I could be more crass and say 'pain in the tits'...either one works.
Why am I changing the classic pain in the butt to pain in the boobs?
Because my BOOBS HURT!

Ohmygawd! my boobs have been so sore, I can hardly lay down to sleep in the position I normally sleep in..I'm having to readjust the damned things so I don't squish them causing severe pain!
It's like wrestling baby elephants on my chest just to lay down and sleep. I have to reach down and pull each one up so it's not getting flattened, because a flattened boob is a painful boob do you hear me??

(I wonder....Do men have to do this?)


I would occasionally get a sore boob pre-period in my younger crone years. Some months they would be sore and some months they wouldn't. But holy shit these baby elephants are killing me. Does this have to do with croning? If so this 'symptom' needs to go on the list! Or is this just payback time for not having Aunt Flo visit for so long? WTH?

(My boobs feel like I've been participating in a marathon run with no bra. The only thing I'm lacking is the black eyes to go with it!)


Not to mention the cramps. In my youth, I got cramps..about every 3rd month or so. Nothing hugely painful, on occasion. BUT..geeezuslord these cramps are everyday, never ending and pill worthy do you hear me! (mega pill worthy!)  I have just about had enough of this.

(Not that I can do anything about it I just like saying that, it makes me feel better!)


Tired? Oh hell, I've been so tired since this started. It's like..as the flow goes so does the energy!

I've got all the symptoms of a crone not having a period and non crone monthly symptoms giving me double trouble. I feel like a Wrigleys piece of gum! Double everything!

(mother nature is a bitch sometimes!) 


Let's talk about some of the more 'nasty' things in crone life. Last week, I started putting two and two together and came up with 4. Yep. 4.
It dawned on me many years ago (about 4) that I had begun to get stomach upsets, painful lower bowel cramps and slight diarrhea pre monthly cycle.  Every month..like clockwork. I had never done this before, so it took a while for me to connect the two, but finally I did. Within a day or two before starting my period, I'd always get this stomach upset that would last into the first day or two of my cycle.
Cruel..but I dealt with it.
(I'm not sure how the hormones were connected, but they were adding their two cents in!).


Fast Forward to about 3 weeks ago.
I felt sick to my stomach. I mean...really sick to my stomach like I had eaten something bad. Tossing the cookies bad. This came on every day at about noon and ended about 5 or 6 pm, for two or three days. Then the tummy ache appeared, then bowel cramps, then diarrhea. I thought I really had eaten something I shouldn't have..then..I started my period. (blink blink)
First one in 8 months. (blink blink)
I didn't connect the two things.
Fast Forward one more time to last week. I started doing the same thing, for 3 days..feeling like I was gonna throw up. It would last many hours then subside. Then  all the other symptoms would follow.
I'll be damned if I didn't start my period again a few days ago. WTH?

Why do hormones feel they need to play a role in every aspect of your life. WHY?
Since when do hormones control your bowels and your stomach?? I mean..gees. Who thought of this design? I think it needs some work!

Pay attention sistas. I tell you...more things are connected then we believe. Start taking notes, they may come in handy someday.

The Crone of baby elephants and double trouble

Sage