The Revenge of Eve Arden

GOOD MORNING SISTER CRONES & HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I woke this morning to a great chill in the air and I'm loving it!
Fall being my favorite time of the year and Halloween my favorite holiday puts me in a great mood!
(menopause or no menopause!)

We are having a cookout here at the Crones nest today.
Now, you know when family comes to visit, you always try to 'clean house' just a bit. I usually keep a pretty decent house, but with the recent illness and the lack of enthusiasm to do much of anything, my house needed some work!
Ok, not as much as I make it sound, but the dust was an inch thick very visible and the carpets were gathering leaves and dog hair faster then a speeding train.
With fall, comes leaves on the ground and since one of my dogs fur insists on pretending to be velcro..well, you see the problem here. Besides all that he's a very large dog (Great Pyrenees) so when he comes in, he brings a small tree with him. Hence..yesterday I dusted and vacuumed.
(more the once I might add)

But enough of the mundane world.

Let's talk of cronehood again today shall we?

Remember I told you that the menopausal symptoms come in cycles?  Right.

There is one thing in all this meno hell that does NOT run in cycles. Incontinence.
NO no no.
The bladder is weak all the time, matters not.
Sister crones, if you get sick and start coughing, trust me when I tell you, go put on a diaper. You'll need it. I don't care how many times you go to the bathroom and try to empty your bladder..you cough and you will pee yourself!

(ask me how I know this!)

You can be sitting on the toilet, having just peed, go to wipe your ass ..cough and pee all over your hand if you're not careful. HOW does this happen? Where in the world does this come from?
I don't get it..really I don't. HOW does hormonal imbalance makes you loose bladder control? HUH?

That's as bad as the brain functions being attached to hormone levels..makes NO sense!

The formation of words will totally evade you. You WILL sound like an idiot and before it's over you will be known as 'that batty women who can't remember her name!"
You might as well dye your hair and change your name to Eve Arden!

(cuz you won't remember that name either!)

Verbal sentence structure is out the window Sisters..it really is. You're dementor will look at you in the strangest of ways trying to figure out what you're trying to say. You will fumble, mumble, cuss and make generalizations as you stammer trying to remember a word.  Then dementor will fill in the blank and you'll nod and say 'yeah..that word'...and he will simply shake his head, mumble something incoherent under his breath and move on totally ignoring you from hence forth.

Welcome to world of idiocy.

There is a reason most grandchildren come along about the beginning of cronehood time,  because a babbling baby and grandma speak the same language!
For the next few years as the child is learning to speak, talking in one word sentences and doing a lot of pointing at things to get their point across..well gee...you'll get along just fine! You'll soon realize that your grandchild is the only one who understands you!
(cuz many times..all you can do is point too!)

You will have good days and bad days with this menohell symptom. There will be days where you would just rather sit in the corner and thumb your lips pretending to be a babbling idiot then to try and communicate with someone. Matter of fact, there will be days that you'll have no choice but to do this. The brain simply refuses to function in any normal way.

It's time to turn the tables.....read on.


How many times in years past, have you spoke to your dementor and not gotten a reply? You've repeated it and still not gotten a reply. You walk into the room and they are glued to the tv (some sports show) and you actually have to touch them before they realize you've been speaking to them.

Have you done this??


Well, it's payback time Sister Crones...oh yes! Stand up and learn how to get even!
Use the cruel tricks mother nature is playing to the best of your advantage!

Here's what I do when my brain is literally in hell on vacation. It is not a cure by any means as there is no cure..but..
I'll wash and dry a bunch of clothes and bring them all to the living room. Then I'll pick a movie from the shelf, start it up and sit my fat southern ass down and commence to folding and watching.

If dementor someone speaks to me, I'll pretend I don't hear them. No matter how many times the dementor speaks to me, I won't hear him (on purpose). He'll have to come to me like the many times I've had to go to him and get right in his face. The tide has turned.

If I don't have any laundry, I'll start a new book and get so involved in it, I'm zoned on the pages before me.

I mean, men do this all the time, why can't we right? What does this accomplish? You will have to speak less to anyone if you do this. Most times your tormentor dementor will just go on about business without the business of speaking to you in the process. Hence..you don't have to sound like an idiot.

Just be prepared, dementor will think you're loosing your hearing at this point (and sometimes we do) and this may be an ok thing!
(At least you won't have to 'hear' him!)
But..sometimes having your dementor THINK you can't hear him, can be enlightening too!

Take advantage of your brain dead days sisters..oh yes, use them correctly and life has meaning. It's called REVENGE!


The Crone of Brainless Revenging Bliss

Sage