The Lawnmower's broke

Many years ago, I used to teach a class on paganism.
(TRULY..witchcraft, but hey..trying to keep people from running away here)

At the very beginning I told everyone that if they didn't take the time to study on the things we were doing, then it showed they really didn't care, and I didn't need people in class that 'didn't care'.
My Excuse Motto was "My lawnmower's broke"..because in my book, any excuse was just as good as another, because excuses were simply a way of saying 'I didn't care enough' to do it. Easy enough right?

Since that time, this has been a long running joke in our house "my lawnmower's broke'...for people who gave excuse after excuse for not doing something. (the dementor does not know this joke)

It just so happens that Dementor had planned on going fishing on Friday, so early Friday morning he gets up and goes out to prepare things. Within 1/2 hour he was back in the house slamming and throwing things, madder then a hornet!
I knew what was wrong. I had heard him try to start the lawnmower (riding type)..and it would not start. (He uses it to pull his boat out of its parking space and get it lined up with the truck)
As I emerge from the bathroom..amidst all this throwing and slamming I asked "What's wrong?" Did I ask this in a harsh tone? NO..was I loud? NO..matter of fact I said it very softly..

Herein lies the exchange between the two of us

Me: "What's wrong?"
D: The goddamned lawnmower won't start. (said with venom and volume!)
D: AND NO! I'm not going fishing! (which he yelled..from this point on..he didn't stop yelling)
(notice I had said nothing before this outburst)

(Immediately I thought of the "My lawnmowers broke excuse. I stood there and had to realize he really was pissed off and not going fishing because the lawnmower would not start. Are you serious?
So..I had to ask)

Me: "Because the lawnmower's broke?" I did not say this much more above a whisper mind you and was very serious when I asked, manly because I couldn't believe what I was hearing!!!
D: THATS RIGHT!
At this point, I knew..and I simply walked out the bedroom door.
just after I brought the door to a close.
D: yelled; "YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT?!!" ..
Rage flew into me..and I jerked the door back open..and stood there for the milli-second looking at him...he was waiting. He wanted a fight. .I simply said nothing, shook my head in a manner which very clearly indicated "you are not worth my time" and again, closed the door.
Since his first attempt didn't work, he figured he'd give it one more shot and said
D: "THAT's WHAT I THOUGHT!"
Again, I repeated the same action and this time I was ready to pummel the hell out of this man..beat him to a bloody stump..I flung the door open one more time....but instead of giving him what he wanted..I simply whispered
Me: "You will not bait me today"
And walked out, bringing the door to a close very gently.
I heard his reply and it was that of a 2 year olds
D: "JUST DON'T ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS!"

What was the rest of our day like?? Silent.
I made breakfast for my kiddos, Bacon and waffles.
(My son, DIL and granddaughter were sleeping when all of this was going on)

Dementor knew I was making breakfast..he sulked in the bedroom.
A few hours later he emerges and informs me he's going to get the part to fix the lawnmower.

The day wore on..he even thought at one point, this was going to 'pass over'..and I was going to forget the whole exchange..he smiled at me and made a comment about him being superman because he had fixed it. I simply turned and walked away..saying nothing.

So get this. This morning.. I was sitting on the couch when he got up.
He doesn't say anything, just shuffles across the floor like an old man..gets him some coffee and comes SITS NEXT TO ME ON THE COUCH! WTH????
He NEVER sits with me on the couch. The couch is MY domain damnit!

Immediately I knew..he was trying to 'make up'. OH HELL NO!  In my head I'm thinking ....JUST WHO IN THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS??

I sat there on the laptop finishing my game of solitaire and ignoring him for about 5 minutes. During that 5 minutes ..he makes the statement that he doesn't think he's going fishing today.

(blink blink..his boat is outside waiting. He's got it all set up to go fishing...blink blink)
ARGHHHHH! Say it isn't so!...I don't want you around today!)

Then..I got up. I started the laundry, I moved a few more boxes, I did anything I could to let him know..I was not willing to sit next to him on the couch and was not coming back.
(all in the most of pleasant of ways...outwardly at least)
It was then that I knew, I was going to have to weave the spell and do some old magic I learned many years ago.

I grabbed the broom and began to sweep. 

See the next post for what happens. :)

The Crone of the broken lawnmower fiasco

Sage