Ahhh...the end of a work week. Yes, today was my last day at work for this week, we get tomorrow off. Unfortunately, I won't get 'paid' for it since I have not been a permanent employee for 90 days..but hey..no biggy.
I have a weekend full of events coming up. Today, I quickly mowed the back yard (well, as much as I could get mowed before the thunder started..which luckily was most of it). Tomorrow, I'll be heading out to the thrift store with 1 of 5 and the granddaughter..then it's pizza for lunch afterwards. On Saturday morning, I'll be making a brunch for all my kiddo's and then progressing onward to a backyard egg hunt. ..and to top it all off..the weather is supposed to be glorious!!
(right now I have a headache from hell..but that's what I get for drinking wine with no dinner. I have a good reason though..let me explain)
On Monday afternoon, I got home from work, to find that Dementor had packed most of his things (well, all the things that I had already transferred onto his hutch ..kitchen stuff..a few things that were scattered about the house..ya know). Anyway..he had packed them up into boxes and whatnot and he had fixed an area at the backdoor that was starting to show signs of leaking during heavy rains.
When I got into the house, he sat in the living room and said "you know, when I was packing my stuff..I got to thinking how much I enjoyed that type of stuff..and I realized just how happy I really am here..and how stupid it is for me to be leaving. I really want to stay here..married to you.
(**ding ding ding..this is a repeat of the same shit he said to me about a week ago..nothing new..no revelations..no epiphanies..same old same old. All about 'him', not about 'us' or 'we')
(Oh gawd, here we go again)
Shortening this up..he again begged and asked and gave his reasons for why he was the way he was, apologized amazingly well...and then fell silent. He was waiting for me to buckle. First thing I did was asked him.."Well, I'll ask you again..if I say 'yes' to staying married, will I have to continue to work?"
His reply was calculated..and weighty..he also took a long time to answer it..I knew he wanted to say "yes" but he knew..if he did..I'd say 'no' to his 'staying married proposal'
So with deliberate slowness he said "I'd like for you to..." and he let it drop off.
I told him "I cannot give you an answer tonight, nor will I make you any promises. I have to think about it, so give me a few days. I'll give you a final answer on Sunday"
He agreed and went on his merry way..as did I.
Come Tuesday we spoke again..on a few things here and there, but not much..I did say to him..that I'd like to talk to him some more on the subject, but the only days we would really have to talk were Wed and Thurs afternoons before he went to work. Since Friday and Saturday were going to busy family filled days 'talking' about things was not going to be possible. He agreed and said ok.
Come Wednesday afternoon..I had a question for him. After giving it some thought..and going over tons of things in my head I asked him this: "Are you asking to stay married for the marriages sake..or are you doing it simply because it's a pain in the ass to pack your stuff and move it..starting over again. Is it just easier for you to accept and stay or what?"
He didn't answer as I expected or hoped he would, instead he answered with something like this
"Well, I've listened to what you've had to say and I've listened to others and I know that I brood on the past way too much, and I like working about the house. I know I bitch about it..I may kick the lawnmower when it breaks or cuss at things when I have to fix them, but I truly enjoy fixing them and working about the house..and well, I know I always think that the grass is greener on the other side, but I've come to realize that I have a good life here and it would be stupid for me to leave and think it's going to be better elsewhere..and well, I do love you."
Now, you tell me..if your marriage was on the rocks, heading for the big D in the sky..and your spouse asked you the same question I asked him..would you're answer be anything like that?
Moving on..
The next thing I said was this: "We have no solid ground to work on. We don't like the same things..You're into sports, I hate sports. I like movies, you're not a big movie fan..and on and on. We have got to find some common ground in order to build upon it..so, would you agree to a 'date night' as cliche as it sounds, devoting Saturday nights or just two Saturday nights a month to each other. Going on 'dates', doing things TOGETHER..I'll do one Saturday night..pick where we go, what we do..and so on and it doesn't mean we have to go out..and you will do the next Saturday night. It may be "Ok, it's date night..get dressed we are going to town, eating Greek for dinner and heading to the theater for a live play, my treat. or, simply grabbing cheese, crackers and a bottle of wine and playing Othello (a two player game) on the couch..with music in the background....how would you feel about that?
"Well..I don't know...I guess I could try it. I'm not much into 'plays'..I'd probably not like it, but I'd go, cuz I know it would be something you'd want to do. But what if I don't feel like going out?..I mean, it's hard to say that 'every other Saturday' is 'date night when we don't know if either of us will feel like it..there are many times I come home and I don't want to do anything..and well, I may just not feel like it."
OH MY GAWD!....
(can we be more negative?)
Notice in the above statements, that my conversation contained a lot of 'WE' and his a lot of "I"??
A clue?
Add that to the fact that he did not 'sit' with me face to face during this conversation, he stood..and 'lorded over' the conversation..looking 'down' on me the whole time.
(body language anyone?)
Next day:
It's now Thursday, the second day we have a chance to talk. All day at work, I mulled things over and finally on my drive home from work, I decided I'd give it three months, at a time. If the first three months worked out, we shoot for a second three months. I could do this ..............right?
As I walked in the backdoor of the house, I get no immediate response. Hell, I didn't even know if he was in the house. After I had walked in..I saw his head sticking up above the back of his recliner and knew..he was sitting there watching...(can you guess?) sports..golf to be exact. (how boring can you possibly be?)
"Hola" came from his mouth. Not a move did he make, no further words came from his mouth.
(in my mind I'm thinking..'huh? Aren't we supposed to be trying to save our marriage? Is he that disinterested that golf is more important?)
He says not another word to me, as I proceed to empty the dishwasher (with firmness I might add), heat up some coffee and use the bathroom. Nearly 10 minutes had passed before he finally said "How was work today?"
WTH?
Needless to say, let's make this shorter and sweet. I told him I wouldn't compete with his sports, and he slams the tv off, saying he'll never watch sports on it again..I mentioned we were supposed to talk today..and he starts screaming about how things can wait and what's so damned important that we have to talk today..
Suffice it to say ..I said "you know that answer you were waiting for..'the answer is "NO".
That's when he really got mad. He stormed about screaming about how 'there was no time frame on anything and what was so fucking special about Sunday or talking on Thursday for that matter..we can talk on Sunday".. and on he raved.
All I pretty much said was "I promised you I'd give you and answer by Sunday..I can't do that without 'talking things through about our marriage."
He ranted a few more words.. huffed off to work, saying as he walked out ..'just let me know when you want me out of here"..and slammed the door. If he could have heard me say "Today would be good"..it would have been pie in my hat, but unfortunately, he didn't hear that. He was speeding down the road..pissed off.
I should have known..he did tell me previously "I can't put two happy days together..I never can manage it..one is good, the next, is always shitty"..and well, since yesterday was a good day..I suppose I should have known today would be shitty.
Guess what Dementor? It was the wrong day to be having a shitty assed day..the answer is "NO"..
PS. It just dawned on me..going back through the posts I've made..Dementor has tried to 'rekindle' (in his own way) this marriage appx..every two weeks, until recently and now ..it's once a week. Is this desperation? The closer he gets to May 1..the more he tries. I'll say it again..too little, too late.
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