Stuck in the middle with you

Yesterday went as expected. Atilla said very little to me all day and when she did, it was said with a tone of contempt and a 'you're so stupid I have to tell you everything' attitude.
Seriously, this is making me 'ill'. Ill in the fact that every morning, I get a nervous stomach, my heart races and my nerves are getting shot..just to know I have to face this women every day. I never know what to expect on a day to day basis. Ever.
It's always
 "Will she scream at me in front of everyone today?"
"Will she leave me be today?"
"Will she ridicule me today and call me 'lame' again?"
"Will she constantly fuss at me and grab my hands pushing me aside?"

Will she, will she, will she. 
I fucking hate this.
Let me explain something here..Anytime I've ever started a new job, the job contained 'training' of how things worked, what went where, where things went next, you know...a routine that was explained to you. You were then told where you would come in this 'routine'..and what was expected of you. Your job responsibilities.
NOT ONCE..I repeat..NOT ONCE was this ever told to me on this job. You go in everyday and have no clue as to what you're supposed to be doing this day. (at least I don't).
My position has never been established here. NEVER. One day I may be hemming all day, the next day I may be packing or patching, or folding or running rope. I can get pulled off these jobs at any time to do something else at Atilla's whim. Hell..there are sometimes (it's happened once or twice) where she has nothing for me to do and she'll tell me "GO! Do something!" (and she's done this twice when she was 'pissed at me and fed up with me) Well, damn..there is nothing. There's nothing to hem, nothing to patch, nothing to fold or pack. I end up sweeping and being as invisible as I can.  And trust me..if she see's me doing the 'nothing' she told me to do, she'll bitch and scream and yell that I am doing nothing! ARGHHH!!

Then there are those days when there are 3 bins of things for me to patch or hem..and I start doing those and..am happy to be busy and seeing the job before me..the suddenly Atilla will show up at my machine and say to me "This is not a full time job for you, you cannot patch and hem all day........This is not a full time job! You need to go help so and so fold"...(but yet..I'll get yelled at if those items are not done)....jeesus keerist..would someone please make up their mind!? 

I'm just about ready to make a choice that I didn't want to have to make. Just about.

I'm stuck. So friggin stuck.


I've never felt so stuck and with no options before in my life. The economy is so screwed that my options are nil or so limited it's amazing. I've looked for weeks..there are no job opportunities out there. It's not that I'm not qualified..there are NO OPENINGS! You don't know how many times I've heard that in the past month."NO OPENINGS"..gawd.


The crone of glue

Sage