The LIST (whispered like it's a secret)

Let's talk about all the lovely side affects of Croning! (aka menopause)
After doing some net crawling,  I discovered a list or two of the symptoms of menopause. Here's the list.
(I've marked all the ones I've experienced..most, NOT PRETTY!)

1. Hot Flashes/Night Sweats * (Living in hell! From the inside out!)

2. Irregular Periods *  (this is a good thing, I hate them! So the disappearance of this is GREAT!)

3. Loss of Libido * (again..I could care less..don't want it, you can keep it..I'll take NO libido thankyou!)

4. Vaginal Dryness (haven't suffered this ..yet.)

5. Mood Swings * (my mood swings have been few, but I know they have happened.)

6. Fatigue * (the couch has become my best friend!)

7. Hair Loss * (between me burning it off and it coming off a handful at a time in the shower..wow!)

8. Sleep Disorder * (Sleep??What's that? I'd say it's in disorder!)

9. Difficulty Concentrating * (Wrackspurts I tell you, wrackspurts!)

10. Memory Lapses * (Yeah..it's the Wrackspurts again!)

11. Dizziness * (Oh yeah! And wait till it happens in the middle of the grocery store..egads!)

12. Weight Gain* (I'm a fat southern women...need I say more!)

13. Incontinence * (Ohhh jeesus..is this a pain! Don't sneeze, cough or laugh too much!)

14. Bloating * (there are days when I remind myself of Violet from Willy Wonka..just roll me out!)

15.Allergies ( haven't done this one..Sneezing is dangerous to the bladder..I pity those who get it.)

16. Brittle Nails (Hmm..well, this hasn't happened either, but then again, I don't grow long nails to know)

17. Changes in Odor (WTH?? My odor??..I can't smell myself! No one has said "you stink" lately ..so I guess I'm good here)

18. Irregular Heartbeat * (This will drive you insane! And you'll think it's time for the big one! Out of all the symptoms, this one is the scariest)

19. Depression * ( this has not been a big thing for me..except for lack of 'wanting to do anything, which I put under this category but call "LAZY DAYS")

20. Anxiety * (I've had this a few times....didn't last very long)

21. Panic Disorder (hmm..sounds pretty much the same as anxiety to me..maybe there are only 31 signs)

22. Breast Pain * (WTH? I've had it, it's like someone is stabbing you sometimes)

23. Headaches * (OMG! They are horrible..vise grip like and come with no warning..not pretty!)

24. Joint Pain * (It's like someone will roll the dice and pick one for the day, fingers today ..hips tomorrow)

25. Burning Tongue (WTH? This was a new one to me..the only time my tongue burns is when I eat jalapenos ok..and I love me some mexican!)

26. Electric Shocks * (this will happen every time in the heart/chest area before a hot flash..very weird)

27. Digestive Problems * (They've checked me from both ends , embarrassing trust me!..removed my gall bladder. I still have problems..but I deal with it.)

28. Gum Problems (New one on me..Maybe I should get all my teeth pulled and get dentures..just think about it..no more toothaches, fillings, root canals..etc I think I'd like to put my teeth to sleep in a cup every night!)

29. Muscle Tension * (Not a huge problem yet, but have woke up several times thinking I'd run a marathon in my sleep!)

30. Itchy Skin * (yeah..this is strange..usually in the boob and arm areas.)

31. Tingling Extremities * (not too bad for me, but has happened, in my legs, feet and fingers)

32. Cravings for sweets and carbs * (do I need to mention that this one will coincide with weight gain and bloating..?? I didn't think so!)

Well, there you go..a list of 32 things, in no particular order.
I have to tell you, I was totally unaware of most these symptoms. When these things started happening.. I thought was going crazy (or dying a slow death.)
With a little digging, there it was, all the things that doctors could not find, could not give me reasons for..(doctors don't listen,  I swear!)

Is there a way to stop the above items, or lesson them? No one has found a positive 'help' except for 'hormone therapy'..that's not something I want to do. So study the list and tell me..do you feel better now, at least you KNOW it's not some mystery disease or illness that the doctors can't find. Rest assured, most doctors are clueless to menopause. CLUELESS.

The Crone of Violet Bloat,

Sage