The Menocoaster to hell

Welcome to Menohell's Roller Coaster, please bring the bar over your head down in front of you until you hear it click into place. Keep your arms and feet in the car at all times. Secure any loose items and hold on for the ride of your life.

WHEEE..up and down, up and down, over this hill and that hump, down into the pits of hell and back up again.
Yep..that's me today.
It started yesterday I think. This is somewhat of a continuation of the previous post but on a more personal level. I'm not sure anyone else would feel this way, unless of course, they have a dementor like mine. And I can't say for sure it's all about the Dementor today either.

This is another one of those days where I woke up mad. Don't ask me why, I just did. I couldn't sleep. My back hurt and just being next to another body in my bed was irritating me. I wanted to lash out and beat the crap out of my tormentor who in my mind, happened to be laying next to me.

(Better to get up, get some coffee and release some energy here then on him huh?)

Now, the bigger question is why do I feel this way. I mean, when I first woke, I could have easily packed my bags and left here forever, for good, that's just how irritated I was. I wanted nothing more then for the dementor to go away and never return, or I was leaving. I felt disgusted by him, hated him. Just the close proximity of this snoring monster was enough to make me think vile abnormal things. I felt as if I could scratch his eyeballs out.

(These really are the kind of days in which I do question my own sanity)

I loathed the thought of him just breathing in my space.  
(The pillow was looking very inviting)

Seriously ladies, this is bad. The feelings have somewhat subsided since I removed myself from the bedroom, but not by much. As I wrote yesterday about screaming and jumping upon your prey, this is how I am today, but with more of a hatred then I know how to describe. In my mind, I cannot believe such a vile person as this exists and *I* live with him! In my mind, I want him to just go away.
Seriously..just go away. Don't ever come back. EVER!

I'm sure part of this is due to the hormonal rolllercoaster of Menohell that I boarded yesterday...I'm sure of it. I'm also sure that the other part of this is due to Dementor's attitude yesterday.

If I had just met this man yesterday with this attitude, I would have with the quickest of haste dismissed him from my presence immediately. He would NOT have been someone I would have ever cared to get to know or spend (waste) any time with.

He was obnoxious, rude, accusatory, suspicious and downright horrible. This was one of those days where..even a news cast brought 'negative' comments from him. And I don't mean one newscast, I mean ALL of them. Hell, it didn't have to be a newscast..all it had to be was an advertisement for something and he found something negative or opposite to say about it. Yesterday..he felt in his mind that he was "the great him'.......he was all there was and there was no one else with an opinion or thoughts on anything, and the great him was right damnit. End of conversation.

And MONEY..ohmygawd, money is his driving force. He hates spending it, or should I say he hates ME causing him to have to spend it. ANYTHING that is an expense to him, that I am the reason for..it's bitch and moan time..it's speech time......he is so money driven..he can't make enough. He wants more, he wants no bills, he wants this and that..gawd, I might hate money more then him. No..I hate his attitude about it.

It is unfortunate that I had to go to sleep with this attitude riddled man last night, because I'm very positive this is why I woke with such hatred for him. Such loathing. I can't stand people like that.

When I woke the first time it was 2am. I knew I could not get up then..I felt the evil hate creeping in. I forced myself back to sleep. When I woke the second time it was 3:45..and the passion in which the loathing had grown was far too much for me to try and go back to sleep. I knew I had to get up and remove myself from the dementors invasion.

Is this a hormonal hell rollercoaster, or is this truly how I'm starting to feel toward my dementor? Is it both ...or none of the above?  Is this my mind slipping down a slippery slope that I cannot get a grip on?

Seriously, these are the days I question my sanity..today is one of them.

ANGER..that's what I feel..deep in my chest, like a growing baby..anger at...............at..the only person available to me..the dementor. (with good reason though I might add)

I want to 'clean house'..and I mean wipe every bit of his existence out of it. That's the kind of cleaning I'm talking about. It's like I feel he has invaded my space and I have lost it. I no longer have any say or any purpose here other then to clean and cook for him. My home is no longer my home.And I hate him for it.

How do we get rid of this anger? Do you have this? What have you tried? I need some help here, or I fear the worst.
This is one of those days that I truly truly wish gas was still cheap...I'd simply fill the tank, grab some coffee and drive ....music loud..and drive..music off.....and drive. Till the anger subsided.

I'm at a loss.

The Crone of  Not so Merry Maids

Sage