A Jim Jones night! (WTH?)

Here we are again, another day and another night of fitful sleep.  Welcome to my world. The world of Sleepless Crones.

Last night I had the most horrid of dreams. Funny too because I have not 'dreamed' a dream that I can remember in many moons.
At 11:30pm I trotted off to bed. Dementor was sleeping from corner to corner, smack dab in the middle. I didn't disturb him, just went back to the couch.

(this is not an unusual thing for me)

I immediately fell asleep. (this is a good thing!)
And so the dream begins:
In my dream I was a bit younger then I am now, my mother and father were with me (both having passed over years ago and both a bit younger in my dream). We were in a house I did not recognize. (now here comes the truly truly bizarre part)
We were in the process of committing a semi mass suicide. (meaning just the 3 of us, not thousands)

(BLINK BLINK..WTH?)

It seems my father had convinced us both (my mother and I) to drink some sort of poison..for some reason I want to say it was antifreeze..not too sure about that though. I remember going along with it (all too easy I might add) and feeling my lips and legs begin to tingle after a short while ..I remember asking him "how much longer" and his reply "Should only be a little while now..a few more minutes." So off I go to lay down to finish dying. Flat on my back..arms semi crossed over me.
(blink blink.........uhm..no!)
This whole scenario was done in such a calm, no rush, everyday manner it just baffled me to no end. It was as if this was done pretty regularly!

(WTH?? ME? OH hell no!)

I seem to recall, there was a 'reason' behind this madness but I have no clue as to WHAT!
This is when I woke up and I was in the same position of my dream. (can we say FREAKY!)
I was very surprised to see the time was 2:30am.   Three hours had passed, but when I woke it felt like I had only been asleep for maybe an hour at most.
Now....WHY in the hell would I have a dream such as this? I detest those who take the easy road out and commit suicide.
The first thought in my mind was Jim Jones. Good gawd, what an ass he was! Charismatic ass, but an ass all the same.

So, I've done a bit of research this morning.
Here are a few sites that tell what it means to 'dream of death'..in its many forms. I've starred the ones I like the best.
**Jeremy Taylor; Dream Work
Dream Dictionary on Suicide in dreams
Dream Dictionary  on poison in dreams

It was all very unreal and bizarre. I would NEVER..EVER in my "WILDEST" dreams do something such as this.
So after reading the above sites, I have asked myself this "what have I given up on?".."what am I trying to 'get rid of?" ...and best of all "what has died within me to allow a 'new growth to begin?"
All these are cool questions and ones I probably need to answer. Maybe today is a day for circle time. Meditation and all that. Maybe the gods do speak in mysterious ways.

(all I can say is "GEEZ..find a different way will ya!)

Till then, I'm off to be my croney self and find something to get into. I have a strange feeling it won't be a nap!
Bizarre I tell you...bizarre.

No more late night Chinese for me!

The Crone of " No sleep, must not sleep..(yawn) .."

Sage