Bloat, barrels and 4:10

Let's talk about........
BLOAT.
It's all part of the Crone process too. Bloat. Yep. It's a nasty word for me.
There are two kinds of bloat I'll have you know. First there's the type that is 'water' based. You'll look down at your fingers one day and realize they look like pickles.

(where this idea of a skinny boney fingered crone came from is beyond me!)

You'll struggle to get rings off..to get rings on or to just use your fingers in general ..
(Cuz you won't be able to stop looking at them with unbelief!)

Then you'll notice your knees, you lower legs, your cankles and your feet! OHMYGAWD!

How in the hell do you get rid of this without taking a pill? Beyond me. I kick up the water intake and it usually dissipates by the following morning. Although..that's debatable sometimes.

(Just don't sneeze while drinking all that water! mm K?)

The next type of bloat on our list is 'air'. Yep..that's another nasty word..air or better known as gas.
When you get this type of bloat..you won't want to go out in public, nothing will fit and you will feel like crap! In my case, with the weight gain I've had over the last 2 years..and now the added bloat...you wanna know what I look like and feel like most days??

Yep..that's me. The same size all the way down. No kiddin. I have no shape anymore..(cept round). I know this because a trusted friend help me take my measurements a few weeks back..there is very little difference between the top and the bottom  mmmk? 

(I would think that a shape that resembles a beer barrel would be attractive to most men!)

Back to bloat. Now..if this is what I look like on a normal basis, imagine that with BLOAT!
It isn't your fingers that look like pickles anymore, your entire middle resembles an ever expanding beer barrel. Or better yet..a watermelon with legs and a head. From the neck down to the top of the legs sisters!  You'll feel like one too.
ROLL OUT THE BARREL!
(That's what I go around singing anymore)
And if you lay down, thinking it'll go away..you'll look like this

No different, but getting up will certainly be an adventure!

How do we get rid of this? NO earthly clue. It seems to come and go at will..some days you will fart, some days you will not. Don't eat cabbage..mmmk?


And now..onto 4:10. Does this time mean anything to anyone? And just how many times can one person wake every day at that exact time and not suspect it's telling you something?
For the past many many moons, I have woke...looked at the clock and it reads 4:10.
WTH?
Do you find this weird? And I do mean many moons..try MONTHS. 4:10, 4:10, 4:10....I tell you, I'm just baffled about this time. I even went so far as to do a google search for it. All I get are 'bible' versus. Uhmm no. THAT is highly doubtful!

One more question for all you sister crones. Just how many times can one person wake up in the night and still consider it sleeping? This is getting ridiculous!

So there you have it..bloat, barrels and 4:10. Be prepared for the pickled barrel look. Stay home and fart.


The Crone of pickle barrels

Sage