First..an FYI. Just to let you know, I don't post for you...I write for me. Read it or don't..doesn't matter much really. 

With that being said. 

Life has taken such a strange turn as well as series of events over the past year or so. Sometimes I'm totally not sure how to deal with it all. 

Things aren't exactly as I thought they were and I'm not saying this is a good thing or a bad thing. It just is and perhaps soon I may find out what it's all about..life that is, my own, where I don't consider anyone else. 

I shall talk in code that I understand, and you the dear reader may never. 

The two dreams

The first dream is non existent, truly a dream of a dream it never comes to a reality. It comes in silence. The silence laced with a care deficit is immense, ever and again overpowering. 

When that silence is broken the heart cries with angry bitter tears the color of rage. Never seemingly understood and always misunderstood. Words fly, eyes spark in anger and the chasm widens. 

The thoughts of  loving family flutter as ashes beside the imaginary hearth into the wisps of the dream. Gone. Grasping in the morning light what you can never remember though try as you might. 

The second dream is a silver lining, the deal or so the illusion. Progeny allotment torn from the weaving of life by the stroke of the gavel.  Control the love or love the control as a king in a castle. 

Empathic hostility for the intrusion. Animosity with each bite. Let the tears fall where they may drummed on the throne. Offspring be damned, seclusion and solitude must remain and and so be it! 

The time is mine and not yours, they love one more and lo' that cannot be. Control the love or love the control. Soon erased the venerable will be and gone will find life truly alone. 

Sometimes...just sometimes, there are people who just by their very nature are not a match for you in any way..I'm not talking 'romantic relationship' way, I'm talking friendship, family, general acquaintance.. there are just some..that rub you the wrong way, send out vibes that you don't care for..there are just some people ya know..just some. 

I've met a few. Probably more than I would like. I can read the vibes..they aren't good, they are almost vile, hateful, angry. Some portray jealousy, some ooze anger, some just reek of irritation. 

I usually just leave when I feel that type of emotion ... I guess this is empathic?? No..it's more clairvoyant. I can sometimes "TELL" what another is emitting ..not necessarily what they 'feel' but ..well maybe it is. Like..I can tell when someone is NOT happy with a situation..the vibes are 'off'..especially if they are directed at me. If someone is feeling one way or another, about or to me, then yeah, I can read it, and read it very well! It's not that I feel what they feel, but I feel what they are conveying. Mind reading, phsychic ability, transference..whatever you want to call it..it's there and it's prominent for me. For everyone. ALL.THE.TIME. 

So with all that said, have you ever felt 'homeless'..not physically without a home, but homeless as in, your soul, your body, your mind doesn't fit anywhere in the life you have made. You don't mesh with anyone you currently have around you, your soul doesn't connect with another. In friendship, common ideas or lifestyles. It's almost that you feel 'unwanted' wherever you go?? I'm on that precipice right now. I'm not truly wanted anywhere I go. My soul does not mesh with another. 
What does a homeless soul do in a situation such as this. It's not like I can put an add in the paper that reads "wanted, other homeless souls in search of connection in some way shape or form" 

Pfft.it's a dark time for me, just a dark time. I guess when the dark times come one can always look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel right?? 

Perhaps I will find mine next week.

Speaking of next week, I'll be on the road again. I plan on leaving here Monday (if not before) and heading home. Things aren't quit good where I am right now, and it's time for me to be about the business of my life and moving forward in it. I still constantly think about the nomadic life and it pulls me. Still. Always. 

You know, sometimes you can get really lost!

 H E L L O W MY FELLOW CRONES!! 

The time has come. I can't explain it all, and it's confusing even to me, but it is truly time for a resurrection here. and on a few other blogs I have.  I've got much to talk about, share and divine with each of you! I'm done with FB hell, I'm not the twittering kind and hell, I don't even know the names of most of the others.  Either way, it's time to go back to some old fashioned blogging and some old fashioned 'forum' chat..(That part will be long in coming for a while) ANYWAY

I'M BACK!! And, I'm single. I'm still a little lost and if you go back and read the blog from beginning to end, you'll discover why I'm single. I finally had enough! Enough of him, enough of my job, enough of it all! To give you a heads up on it..I am no longer living where I was..I'm gone gone gone! SOLD SOLD SOLD to the highest bidder! 

Busy as all get out right now getting this in some working order, but I will return and put it all to virtual paper for all to read and because I need to. I need to put my life in one place somewhere, so here is where it will be. 

TO all you crones out there, life does continue on, it may be different and you may have to do some adjustments, but that keeps your mind fresh and your wit strong. Hang in it's all gonna be alright!

Let the eagles fly!

Time marches on.....and on and on and on.

Time has a way of passing...and passing quickly.

As you can see...the time here has come and gone, it's been a long time since I have updated here. I give no apologies..Life made things busy for me. So to catch you up.

I'm still suffering from menohell..yep sure am. Major sweats daily. You know what? I deal with it.  I go on..I rage about..I fan myself, I sweat and I move on. You will to when your time comes.

In the meantime..the Dementor and I have given this 'life' another shot.(a final shot)
Dementor went to his doc as part of our agreement and was placed on 'happy' pills which have made all the difference in the world. (happy pills being depression medication, bi-polar type he is, but primarily depression for now, the doc wants to see how it' goes, so for me As long as he  stays medicated..he stays alive.. Done deal.)
We've had a few ups and downs, but alas, are still hanging in.

Me? Well, I'm no longer on temp status with my job ....I've been hired on permanently, with one year of probation. That year will be up in March 2014. I'm ok with this, and I think they'll keep me! The hours are kinda nuts, one week is 65 hours, the next week is 13 hours. Go figure. Eh..it's still a good job and I do have time to get some other things done while I'm there during my down times.

In September of this year, however, mother nature played another cruel trick..it was heart attack city for me. Required 3 days in the hospital, heart surgery (2 new stints) and meds to take every day for a year. That's the part I hate...I hate taking pills. Not a pill taker. Matter of fact, not much on 'non natural' shit at all. I don't believe they work like they think they do..pill pushers (aka; DOCTORS) are only giving out pills to line their pockets with gold. Bleh.

As you guys know I'm pretty much an anti-government citizen..oh yes. Right now..I think the world especially the US is in such a mess. I'm just watching from a safe distance waiting for the final gavel to fall! Then we shall see.

The sad news in our life:  Cami, our Jack Russell, passed into doggy Never-land last night. She will be greatly missed, but I know while she was here she was loved and lived a satisfying life. She owned us well.

I know this is a quick update, but hey...remember I blog without obligation.
I didn't feel obligated, so I didn't blog.
Now, with the winter months approaching fast, I'm back in the mood, for at least today.