Where are we going?

 Some days I wake up in this handbasket and just ask myself, where are we going? 

I've seen so much shit and so much nonsense on the news lately, I'm running out of red flags. 

Something did come by me the other day however, that I had to stick in my 'OMG don't forget this' brain file. It was 'Deagel' site. What is the Deagel site..well, I'm still not sure. It's a military something said one place I looked, so honestly, I'm not sure. I'll be looking into it more. They do these yearly or semi yearly reports on the upcoming years..`10 or so. These reports include population growth and or losses. 

BUT 

Here's the rub. 
Back in 2015 (or before), Deagel put out their report and it graphed a HUGE population loss in 2025. Well peeps, this is 2021 and I don't have to tell you what has been going on over the last 12-14 months. We all know. We are all aware. I'm not sure if everyone is aware how the Virus or the Vaccine has or is effecting people...but I know there have been a few deaths. They've pulled one of the types of vaccines...blood clots, heart issues and various other things occurring in people who have received the second round. Even to death.  SO...that being said..is it true? who knows.
(I trust no one and nothing anymore. NOTHING...)

SO..onto other topics. 
Today is Sunday..it's my SEWCIAL Sunday. I've been calling it that for a while and try to sew on that day but haven't always stuck by it. (I'm kinda loose that way!) 

(Confession time)  

My life has no 'road ahead' so it seems. Sometimees..I feel stuck. I feel floating and just waiting for the right breeze to blow me somewhere. Anywhere but in the doldrums of lifes' seas. Of my lifes' ocean at least. I get I'm supposed to be here, but still feel stuck I guess as to my next 'move'.

Sad thing here is, I'm not sure which way to point my sail. I HAVE to do something. Last night the future haunted my ability to sleep. Thoughts of 'what to do'? 'where to go'? 'how to start'? 

I still dream that I could start a pagan convent..I really would. A convent of older women such as myself. 55+ Women who are of a self supportive attitude, but find themselves kinda stuck like me. Those who are at least of an openness in the faith department,  Where practicing your chosen faith with others or not would be acceptable.  Somewhere where older women who still find pleasure in the arts they love, from painting to gardening to yoga could practice those things on their own terms. With or without others to join them. Would be a dream. is a dream. 

This country have left the old to die, alone and without help. We have put things on the map, raised children, made it possible for people to continued on with our country, lifestyle and faiths, and here we are..forgotten and cast aside with no options available. What the fuck are we thinking. 

I must chant, pray think, eat, breathe on these things. I must find a way. 

Sage..

Crone of lifes doldrums

 Good morning all you silly old crones out there! (or not)

How you ever, had deja vu?? 

The term deja vu is French, coined by French psychic researcher Emile Boirac.  Deja vu literally means 'already seen'. It is sometimes called paramnesia and describes a feeling of having already experienced a situation, event or time. 
It seems to be a faint memory, but as it happens you cannot stop it and say what will happen next, because if you did, it would change the future or memory of your deja vu.

I've always had periods of deja vu throughout my entire life. Over the last few months, it's been hitting me again, often. 
I do believe it is at least an indicator that something is right, you are where you need to be. It's not so much a faint memory of what has happened, (although I don't discount this) but it is at least a knowledge that someone or something from the other realms.. spirit guides, family spirit, whatever you choose to use is giving you some indication that you are in the place you need to be. 

Right now, this is comforting to me. With all the life changes I have created, caused and experienced in the past year, I am happy to know my deja vu is an indication that 'I'm in the right place'. 

(Cause sometimes I wonder! )

I was a lazy witch yesterday...wait..for the past two days I was a lazy witch.  I mean, I accomplished a few things, but few is the key word here. Instead of working on what I need to work on (Mainly my brothers quilt) I absolutely have avoided it like the plague and played SIMS for the past two days. 

ALL.  DAY.  FOR.  TWO.  DAYS! 

Is this bad. So, I'm going to ask you crones out there this question.

Do you feel guilty for doing nothing?? Do you feel guilty for doing what your heart wants for a day or two??
This guilt is something I think that comes from the me who is me and the way I was raised. 
All my life I've been a 'busy' person. I very very rarely ever did 'nothing'. 

And growing up, with the parents I had, you were not allowed to do "NOTHING" ..we always had chores.

You either helped with the cooking, washed the dishes, cleaned, mowed or something. NEVER were you allowed to sleep in or sit about just taking up space without being productive in one way or another.

** we interrupt this  post with an important message...I'll be back to finish this later..must run

Enchanted Celtic Music | 432 Hz Nature Music | Magical Forest Sounds

 You know...sitting here browsing on my computer, watching things..some of this, some of that,  you tube, blogs, pinterest, etc. I realize, some of the art I'm seeing  (usually touted as 'new ideas') I've done before..years ago when it wasn't of interest to anyone. 

Only me. 

People thought I was crazy, people poo pooed it..art was only on a canvas hung on a wall. 

I've done them and gave them up and moved on to what was acceptable. 

After negative reactions to my 'art' (not because it was bad,..but because it wasn't worthy to be called 'work' AKA....the x)
I finally just moved on and didn't do art anymore. It wasn't looked at as a viable way of life, a decent living or even sometimes a moral one. 

I gave up so much of me because I followed what everyone else said was 'just and right'...Everyone else. (X)
Pay attention to that phrase..""Everyone else. Here's the rub." Everyone else" is gone. And now, it's only me.

Only me.

And the creative, wild and sassy artist I once was has been dead and buried for a long long time. Just like the musician I once was. Squished down so hard, scorned and looked at like *I* wasn't viable. *I* wasn't doing 'anything with my life'. (aka 'working') Dead. Dead. Dead. 

Now I get pissed off when I see people on You tube making the things I once did in my youth, and becoming well known for it, making money on it and most importantly being themselves. Being an influence on the free spirit of others by being themselves. Being free to be themselves. And for me..it's only me. No free spirit, no creativity, no influence.

Only me. 

I wonder if resurrection can occur twice in a world?

I remember so many times saying " i want my job to be my art...I want to make things" and everyone else said 'it can't be done'...everyone else said 'people aren't going to buy homemade things'... everyone else said 'you're wasting your time'. (There is no more 'everyone else...it's only me.)

Who was to blame for this death? There must be a murderer among us. Who is to blame? Only me.

Only me. 

Sage, the only me