It's simple

Well, the time is now 4:40 and I've been up since 4 am. WTH?  Sleep is not coming easy for the past two nights, but I can tell you one thing that is coming easy..damned hot flashes. JeeesusLORD! Will they every quit?
It's getting ridiculous!

Job update: NONE. Dat's right nothing..nada, zilch.
I keep looking and looking and well, unless I want to drive a truck..it ain't happenin'

Mood update: Better but not. I say better but not, because I "FEEL" better, but I'm still not doing anything. Really, I just don't know what's going on. Ok, let me clarify something. To say I'm not doing anything is not quite true. 
Everyday I get up and clean house, and or do laundry. I cook usually twice a day and clean the kitchen up both times. I may even do one project of 'deep cleaning' or yardsale fodder once a week. I may even go work in the garden once or twice a week.
BUT..there is nothing else I'm doing. No crafting, no painting, no room redesigning..nothing on those lines, which I can honestly say leaves me on the couch a lot lately. I mean, once you've vacuumed the house once, and cleaned the kitchen, dusted the furniture and washed all the laundry for a day..what the hell else you gonna do?  (when you're in a 'do nothing' frame of mind)

HOWEVER..on that note, I've 'felt' better for the last week or so. I've felt more like 'doing something'..I just haven't gotten there yet. Wonder why that is? Today may be the day though, who knows. It might.

I don't even really feel like bloggin..I don't. Go figure.
Netflix has become my friend as of late. 

Oh..but I will tell you what my mind made me realize the other day. When Dementor and I were at our worst..he said to me "he didn't want to support anyone"...that was his thing with me not working..he was 'supporting me' and he didn't want to do that. I've realized I really do have the upper hand here. The key is this:

If he really doesn't want to support me..then there's the door..it's open and swings out. You may leave and stop supporting me anytime. Simple.
If it comes to something like that, then well gee..I'll get a job after the fact..and if I can't find one, they can take the house. I sooooo don't care anymore. The land is paid for and I'll pitch a friggin tent if I have to, but the key is..'the door is open, if you don't want to support me or this house..go..I won't stop you."

How's that for a mind revelation?
Hey..made me feel better.

On that note, I guess I'll go sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Just another day in paradise around here! :)

Till next time
The Crone of Netflix browsing

Sage

At least, I have a kingdom

Here we are again..same place..different time, but alas, it all seems the same.

I tracked a path in the carpet again today. Uhuh..sure did.

I'm bored as hell. That's sad too, cuz I've always told my kids "only boring people can be bored'..and boring person I am not, but damnit it all to hell, I'm bored.
Ok, maybe bored is too strong of a word. Maybe it's confused, out of sorts or..something.

Let me just say this, another day has gone by and I have done nothing. N O T H I N G ! 
(day hell..try WEEK!)

I don't want to sit and do nothing, but the mere thought of going to the craft room to create something sends chills down my spine. The idea of getting up and cleaning more makes me ill to my stomach.
And heaven forbid the utter mention of getting all dolled up and hitting the streets to job hunt..(shudder!)


On the flip side of all this, I'll be damned if I want to just sit here twiddling my friggin thumbs!!

ARGHHHHHH!!!
There is no joy in Mudville today..mighty Casey has struck out. (sigh)

Just what does one do about weeks on end like this?

Ok, let me say this, yesterday the house was cleaned top to bottom almost. (the main living areas)
Dementor helped (saints perserve us!) but he did. WHY? Because his son (and his girlfriend) was coming for a quick visit. Now, let me just say this, the house was not a disaster area to begin with. It needed the basic day to day upkeep that I usually do and in between we fixed a lovely lunch for the 'kids'..and Dementor mowed the grass. Ok..nothing we wouldn't normally do on any weekend really. (Cept Dementor helped a lot yesterday..which is cool)

So now today..here I am, stuck with a decently clean house and nothing to do. I had a small computer glitch that struck yesterday and after a few hours this morning of wracking my brain and trying to fix it, I gave up and worked around it. Problem solved.
The rest of the day has been about as useful as tits on a boar!
 (which makes me ask..why do men have nipples? I mean..really?)

Is it too early to go to sleep? Dementor hasn't even been gone an hour and that's what I'm ready to do, hit the couch, put in a movie and sleep. Egads, this is getting ridiculous. Seriously.

Maybe that's the idea. Maybe I need to 'sell' gumption. In a bag. Ready to serve. Wait..they already do that don't they? It just comes in a bottle called "pep pills'...ok, so scratch that idea then.

(shrug) Sometimes, one just has to go with the flow.
Carpet or couch? Which will it be?

Have a great night all you Crones!

The Crone of The Realm of Boredome  (misspelling intentional)

Sage

Falling off the Broom

Here it is..Wednesday night and for about 5 days or more now, the gumption goblins, wrackspurts and now the evil tension talons have gotten a hold of me.
Tension talons are nasty talon like claws that clamp into the base of your neck and brain and continue to hurt like hell for days on end.  They creep up your neck on both sides making it uncomfortable to hold you head up or lay it down..either way, it aches, it twinges and it's a literal pain in the neck that seeps into your head.

I'm as confused as a baby at a nudist picnic right now. I don't know whether to cry, scream or go running naked down a dirt path scaring the locals back into their homes in utter repulsion.

I've had a constant headache for 4 days or better and mother nature is still 'schmeering' occasionally.
I feel like I have the certainty of a snail on a roller coaster.

Roller coaster...that's a good word right now. Meno-hell is a roller coaster ride from hell.
I have no desire to do anything, but can't stand doing nothing.

I think I've paced a track in the carpet.

I gaze about the room and think .."I could do this" or "I could do that"..and yet, I do neither. Then I feel shitty for not doing either and berate myself severely but even that is not enough to get me motivated.
I can't think, I can't sleep and I eat out of pure boredom.
I watch T.V. and can't keep my mind on the show so am totally lost 15 minutes in and walk away from it, leaving it running, simply using it for background noise.

(cuz I think if it was quiet in here, I'd go nuts..even though I'd like nothing more then pure silence)

I don't want to talk to anyone yet, I don't want to be alone.

I feel like a cartoon character with a badly written script..
How one can be confused in the chaos of nothingness is beyond me, but that's about where I'm at. Confused, irritated, lost and not in control of anything..in a purely silent chaos of nothing.

Now..that's a mouthful.

If this is what depression feels like, I want nothing to do with it.
If this is what insanity feels like..hell..put me on the short bus cuz I'm already there.
So I ask myself this..is this depression? Insanity? Or just plain menopause?   

Common sense says menopause.
(although..I doubt my common sense gene is in working order right now)

I wonder, has their ever been a case where someone actually goes insane or berserk due to meno hell??
Let me volunteer my services mmk?


I have a thousand things to do and not one of them gets done, nor does any one of them make me 'want' to get up and do. But I can't sit still either.

I toss and turn when I do sleep (and that in and of itself has been very little as of late)..
and when I'm awake, all I can think about is laying down to sleep.

Someone must have put my mind in a round room and told it to go sit in the corner. There isn't one..but my brain is desperately trying to find it. I feel like a loopy blonde (no offense)
but this witch has fallen off her broom.

The Crone of broken brooms

Sage

EVIL I SAY..evil!

Well, here we are again in MENOHELL.

If you'll remember, I stopped having my 'monthly mother nature visits' for 8 months, then with a vengeance they showed up again for about 4 months. Then they quit for about 3 months.
Well guess who decided to visit this morning??
That bitch is back. GRRRRRRR!!!

Grant you, it's only a smeeeear at this point, but a smear nonetheless. WHY oh WHY does mother nature fool us with such trickery? Why does she have to be this way? WTH???

Argh....

Well, onto more 'lucrative' things.
Hmm..that's a joke.

I should be getting my last pay check from Gamestop this week. I'm hoping they'll mail it to me..if not I'm going to have to go get it..and I don't want to do that ..really.
I miscalculated and thought I would be getting another check from the sweat shop, but alas, I will not. After checking and double checking   ....the last paycheck received included my last three and 1/2 days... sad..but true.

Now..I'm almost in panic mode. I need about 200$ to pay off one last debt I have because heaven forbid if Dementor  has to pay it..he'll shit a brick! (of course, we could wish it was a gold brick, then our worries would be lightened)

And speaking of Dementor, he was a bear yesterday. Apparently he didn't get enough sleep..so when he woke to go to work, he was in a foul mood..so foul that I could see him shitting feathers from his arse!
I just stayed away.
I truly believe he has been this way for so long in his life that the scowl on his face is a permanent fixture now. Honestly.
I think I can see some 'adverse affects' starting to take place with Dementor since I have not been 'on the job' hunt for a week or so.
Again..it's simple..the door is open and he can walk out of it at anytime. I've already made up my mind..if he doesn't want to 'support' anyone (his words) and he feels that I'm not pulling my weight..There's the door..use it.  I'll deal with it after the fact. Simple.

I mean, how easy could it be, he's still packed ya know. 

I'm not wanting to get up and get started this morning, don't ask me why cuz I have no clue. I'm just..not motivated. WAIT!
I just lied.
I DO have a clue! Mother Nature that's what! She is an EVIL vile thing on me today,  my motivation she stole..like a thief in the night.

I did spend some time in my 'work' room yesterday and got it a little cleared. There is much more work to do in there. It's a sad thing though, the 'creative' urge has hit me and I can do nothing about it. The room is a hazard area and not safe to walk in much less try to get anything done in it!  It's a disaster zone!

So..I'm off to see if I can find where Mother Nature has hidden my motivation potential..or would that be potential motivation? Either way..she's hidden it and I must hunt it down like a treasure in the deep blue sea.

(Getting on her diving gear)
Till next time
The Crone of  Oxygen Tanks, low cash and Disaster preparedness

Sage